A Helping Hand: The Benefits of Sharing Porn and Erotica with Your Partner(s)

Despite the stigma surrounding erotica and porn, they can be healthy, helpful tools both for solo and partnered sexual enjoyment. There are a multitude of benefits to watching porn in tandem, like facilitating communication about sex and sexual preferences, stimulating responsive desire, and inspiring you to try new things in the bedroom. That being said, let’s break those down to understand why that’s the case:

1) Improving communication

There are several ways that consuming erotica and porn together with your partner(s) can improve communication. One, if there’s something you’ve been wanting to try but haven’t been able to ask for directly yet, consider finding erotica or porn representing that desire and, with consent, share it with your partner. Erotica and porn are not by any means accurate enough to serve as true tutorials, but they can certainly offer inspiration! Two, opening up a vulnerable conversation such as consuming porn together necessitates communication about boundaries: what you want to consume together, why, how, and when. Finally, keep in mind that when you do communicate about it, similar to any sort of sexual desire you share with your partner(s), it should be a question with the opportunity for the response to be no.

2) Igniting responsive desire

Responsive desire “means someone often needs to experience physical arousal before experiencing mental desire, [as opposed to] spontaneous desire [which] means someone often feels mental desire before physical arousal.” Many people are busy and overwhelmed with responsibilities that regardless of a person’s desire for sex in the abstract, they might not actually experience that desire without some sort of stimulation. That’s where porn and erotica come in! Especially for relationships where there’s a mismatch in partners having spontaneous versus responsive desire styles, using porn and erotica as a “jumpstart” can change the game.

3) Inspiring experimentation

Though as stated previously, porn and erotica should not be used as tutorials, they can certainly introduce you to new moves and techniques that you may have been unaware of. From there, you can explore how to execute that move based on more reputable sources.

Sharing porn and erotica isn’t for everyone but it can certainly offer a new sexual outlet in a relationship and provide all the benefits discussed in this article. Here are Embrace Sexual Wellness’s suggestions forSharing porn and erotica isn’t for everyone but it can certainly offer a new sexual outlet in a relationship and provide all the benefits discussed in this article. Here are Embrace Sexual Wellness’s suggestions for fantasy and erotica.

Feeling Sad After Sex? Here Are A Few Ways to Manage Postcoital Dysphoria

Postcoital dysphoria (PCD), sometimes colloquially referred to as post-sex blues, is the name for feelings of sadness or agitation that may come up after consensual sex, regardless of how satisfying, loving, and/or enjoyable it was. People of any gender or sexuality can experience PCD with varying levels of frequency. If you do experience PCD, it can feel frustrating to have an emotional reaction that doesn’t necessarily align with your true feelings regarding the sex. Though the cause of PCD will vary from person to person, there are a few potential causes to consider including insufficient aftercare, expectations being unfulfilled, and underlying trauma or shame. Here are a few ways you might consider managing your PCD. 

Evaluate if your sexual aftercare routine is serving you effectively

Aftercare is “a way for you and your partner(s) to communicate, debrief, and love on each other after the session is finished in however way feels most fulfilling to your specific needs.” Though it started as a BDSM practice, anyone and everyone can utilize aftercare to regulate post-sex emotions. Aftercare can look like anything from cuddling to verbal validation to eating chocolate, and you might have to do some trial and error to figure out what works for you. Practicing post-sex rituals like this help transition from the emotional and physical intensity of a sexual encounter back into reality.

Journaling

Journaling about your PCD feelings can help process them and get to the root of the issue. This Well and Good article offers some important prompting questions to guide your journaling: 

• Was it before, during, and/or after sex that you started feeling something distressing?

• Is this feeling familiar to anything you've felt at another time in your life?

• Did your behavior work in alignment with your values?

• Are you satisfied with how you were treated?

• Is there anything you regret about the experience?

Be kind to yourself 

As frustrating as PCD is, it’s important not to blame yourself. There is nothing wrong with you, nor did you do anything wrong by experiencing it. Unkind thoughts only fuel the fire and may worsen the emotional distress. 

These tips may help lessen your distress, but to truly address it, you may need to seek professional help. If you’re consistently struggling and your sex life is challenging as a result, or if trauma is at the root of your PCD, or even if you just feel like you can’t deal with this alone, it might be time to check in with a sex therapist like the providers at Embrace Sexual Wellness.

3 Reasons to Seek Sex Therapy

Sex therapy is a therapeutic niche that addresses a wide range of sexuality-related concerns. Sexuality is a central part of being human so it makes sense that there is a need for professionals to guide us through issues pertaining to such a personal and important subject. Even the most knowledgable people about sexuality and relationships can benefit from having a neutral third party to work through internalized biases and judgments, relationship issues, sexual and gender identity, and more. Here are some reasons why you may seek a sex therapist:

You’re processing sexual trauma

Did you know that every 68 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted? Sexual assault is probably the first thing that comes to mind when you think of sexual trauma and while sexual trauma does include assault, it encapsulates more than that. It also includes issues such as chronic objectification and sexual shaming, sexual harassment like being catcalled, and both physical and emotional incest. These are complex, damaging traumas that left untreated can lead to depression and anxiety, among other issues. Sex therapists can help you work through your sexual trauma and any associated issues.

You’re unsatisfied with the state of your sex life and/or relationship as a whole

Sex therapy is a great resource for both individuals and people in a relationship working through sex and relationship issues. Humans are imperfect and therefore so are our relationships. Sometimes relationship and/or sex life tension start feeling insurmountable, which is where a sex therapist comes in. They can help individuals identify their wants and needs and work through sexual dissatisfaction. For people in relationships seeking treatment together, a therapist can mediate a discussion where all partners can have a say and be heard, facilitating a hopefully effective and kind dialogue.

You have difficulty achieving orgasm or arousal

There is nothing wrong with struggling to achieve orgasm or arousal. That being said, if it bothers you, you might consider seeking out a sex therapist after identifying or ruling out any physical causes. A therapist can help you pinpoint the source of the difficulty and work through it with you. Even if you are unable to “fix” the issue, a good therapist can hopefully help you find ways to have a healthy, fulfilling sex life.

These are just a few examples of what sex therapy can be helpful for. If you’re unsure if sex therapy is right for you or where to start, reach out to ESW team to see if we may be a fit for you.