Disclosing an STI: Tips on How to Tell Partners

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

Beginning a new romantic relationship can be an exciting and nerve-racking experience. As you get to know someone on a deeper level, it's natural to consider when and how to disclose personal information, including your sexual health status. If you have a sexually transmitted infection (STI), the question of when to disclose can feel daunting. This blog will discuss some considerations for navigating disclosure and finding the right time to share your STI status with a partner. Here are some things to consider before disclosing:

Understand the Importance of Disclosure  

The first step in navigating disclosure is understanding the importance of being honest and transparent with your partner about your STI status. Some people may wonder, do I legally need to disclose my STI? In some jurisdictions, disclosing your STI status is an ethical responsibility and a legal requirement. It allows your partner to make informed decisions about their sexual health, such as choosing a partner, understanding potential health risks, and taking necessary precautions, like using condoms or other barrier methods and keeping an eye out for sores, redness, or other STI symptoms. Additionally, open and honest communication about sexual health fosters trust and intimacy in a relationship.

Educate Yourself about Your STI

Educating yourself about your STI before disclosing your status is important. Understand how it's transmitted, the potential symptoms, treatment options, and ways to reduce the risk of transmission. This will enable you to have an informed conversation with your potential partner and answer any questions they may have.

Consider the Timing

When it comes to disclosure, timing is crucial. There's no one-size-fits-all answer as to when is the "right" time to disclose, as it depends on the dynamics of each relationship. Oftentimes, it can be helpful to have the conversation outside of a sexually charged environment and when both partners appear to be in an amiable mood. It's generally recommended to have a chat before any sexual activity occurs. This allows you and your partner to make informed decisions about the level of risk you're comfortable with. In contrast, having the conversation right before sex or after sex may produce mistrust between partners.

Create a Safe Space for Conversation  

You may be asking yourself if it is okay to disclose via text. Texting may not be the best option unless you are questioning your safety due to revealing it. Creating a safe conversation space is important when you decide to tell your STI status. Choose a private and neutral setting where you and your partner can feel comfortable and relaxed. Be open, non-judgmental, and willing to listen to their concerns or questions. Remember that the conversation should be two-way, allowing both parties to express their feelings and concerns.

Be Honest and Transparent

Honesty and transparency are the values at the heart of this concept we are exploring. Provide accurate information about your STI, including how you acquired it, if you're currently on treatment, and what steps you take to manage it. Avoid any temptation to downplay or minimize your STI status, as this can erode trust in the relationship.

For example, your conversation may sound like, “I want to have an open and honest conversation with you because I value our relationship and believe in transparency. Recently, I was diagnosed with [specific STI]. I want you to know I am taking proactive steps to manage my health, including following the recommended treatment plan and practicing safe sex. I understand the importance of disclosing this information to you so that you can make informed decisions about your health. I am here to answer any questions you may have and respect whatever decision you make moving forward. Our health and well-being are both important, and I believe that open communication is crucial in maintaining trust and understanding in our relationship.”

Anticipate Reactions and Prepare for Possible Outcomes

You may wonder if disclosing your STI will be a dealbreaker for your relationship. It's important to be prepared for various reactions from your potential partner when disclosing your STI status. They may have questions, concerns, or emotional responses. They may need time to process the information, seek further information, or discuss it with their healthcare provider. Be patient and understanding, allowing them to process their feelings.

Respect Your Partner's Decision

After disclosing your STI status, you must respect your partner's decision, whatever it may be. They may choose to continue the relationship with appropriate precautions, or they may decide that they're not comfortable moving forward sexually. Respecting their boundaries and choices without pressuring or guilt-tripping them is important. Remember that everyone has the right to decide about their sexual health.

Take Necessary Precautions

You may wonder if it is safe to continue dating someone who has disclosed an STI. If you and your partner are sexually active, consider taking precautions to prevent the transmission of STIs. This may include using condoms or other barrier methods, getting regular STI screenings, and following recommended treatment plans, such as taking an antiviral, if applicable. It's important to communicate openly with your partner about sexual health and continuously assess and mitigate the risk of transmission.

Prioritize Self-Care

Living with an STI can be emotionally challenging, and disclosure can bring up a lot of emotions. It's essential to prioritize self-care and seek support when needed. This may include talking to a therapist, joining support groups, or confiding in trusted friends or family members. Taking care of your emotional well-being can help you navigate disclosure and build healthy relationships.

Remember That Your STI Does Not Define You 

So is having an STI a big deal? It's important to remember that your STI status does not define your worth and value. Having an STI does not make you any less deserving of love, respect, and fulfilling relationships. It's just one aspect of your life. Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion as you navigate disclosure and relationships.

Takeaway

Disclosing your STI status to a sexual partner can be a challenging but necessary step in building healthy relationships. With open communication, mutual respect, and understanding, building meaningful and fulfilling relationships is possible while managing your sexual health. Remember that every situation is unique, and it's essential to consult with a healthcare professional or a qualified therapist for personalized guidance and support in navigating disclosure and managing your sexual health.

Looking to Enjoy Sex When Trying to Conceive? Here Are 4 Tips

Conceiving is an exciting time for a lot of reasons, but sexiness isn’t generally known as one of them. The process of trying to conceive for some can border on business at times between tactics like tracking ovulation cycles and scheduling sex. Regardless of efficacy, this definitely takes some of the fun and pleasure out of sex and it can start to feel like more of a chore than anything else. Having sex with a goal doesn’t mean it has to be devoid of fun! Here are some tips for enjoying sex while conceiving is on the brain:

1) Switch it up

• Perhaps an obvious point, but an important one nonetheless, keep it fresh! Whether that means trying out sex toys, new positions, BDSM/kink, shared erotica or porn, new times of day, or another tactic, keeping it fresh will help retain the excitement that sex brings.

2) Try to enjoy the journey even though the motivation behind the sex is destination-oriented

• When you’re having sex more frequently than you might otherwise, it’s tempting to want to cut to the chase and skip the foreplay. All this will do in reality is diminish your enjoyment, and potentially make it harder to have sex at all; for instance, if you can’t produce lubrication because you haven’t had enough foreplay, penetration might not work at all. All this is to say that foreplay is worth the time and will make sex feel less like a chore. Furthermore, it will help you feel more connected to your partner and more at ease.

• A related point is to try to have both “goal oriented” sex for your conception journey and additionally, sex just for fun. If all your sex is goal oriented, the stress and pressure begins to be associated with sex might serve to discourage you from having it.

3) Spontaneity versus scheduling

• There are pros and cons to spontaneous sex versus scheduling sex. Spontaneous sex might feel more natural and less pressured, while scheduling sex allows for synchronicity with fertility cycles. Ultimately, it will depend on the personalities of the people in the relationship which one works better, but leave the door open for a combination of both (or at least try not to get stuck in the thought that one is empirically better than the other).

4) Spend some time apart

• This might seem counterintuitive to your ultimate goal but in fact, time apart will allow you both to have more “me time” to care for yourself. Conceiving to have a child is not only a physically process but an intensely emotional one and you owe it to yourself to care for yourself properly. Additionally, too much time together can be suffocating and make it hard to feel sexy when the time comes, so do yourself a favor and spend time alone.

Congratulations on your decision to try to conceive, and hopefully some of these tips will help you ensure that the journey is as enjoyable as possible while getting you where you want to be! If you continue to struggle to enjoy sex while conceiving and it becomes an issue, consider speaking to a sex therapist like one of the professionals at Embrace Sexual Wellness.

Wondering About Relationship Therapy? Here are 3 Myths to Debunk

Relationship therapy is a great tool that, unfortunately, is often stigmatized and surrounded by myths that disincentivize people from utilizing it. Some of these myths include that relationship therapy is only for those on the brink of divorce, that relationship therapy is a cop out from fixing the problem yourselves, that a stranger couldn’t possibly help your relationship, and that the therapist will take sides or favor one partner over the other. Here are some of the most common myths; let’s breakdown why each one is incorrect.

1) Relationship therapy is only for those on the brink of divorce

While some people certainly go to therapy as a last resort to avoid the end of the relationship, that is far from the only valid reason to try relationship therapy. Perhaps you need to fine tune communication skills, or maybe there’s a desire discrepancy negatively impacting your sex life, or maybe you’re struggling to feel connected following the birth of a child; these examples and dozens more have the potential to benefit from relationship therapy.

2) Relationship therapy is a cop out from fixing the problem yourselves

Asking for help is not a weakness, it’s a strength. There is a reason that tools like relationship therapy exist; they’re there to be used, and they’re there because they have a documented history of helping people. Not only does a therapist bring their expertise to the table that people without formal psychological training don’t usually have, but they also serve as a mediator to try to ensure that all parties are not only heard, but understood. Wellness experts like personal trainers and physicians are much less stigmatized even though their role is similar to a relationship therapist’s in that their expertise facilitates their clients’ wellness. The choice to seek help from an expert is smart, not weak.

3) The therapist will take sides or favor one partner over the other(s) (especially if attending therapy was initiated by one more than the other(s))

In a successful therapeutic dynamic, this should not be the case. Ideally, everyone should feel heard and validated, and the therapist’s role is to facilitate that. Taking one side over another would only serve to alienate someone and therefore undermine the goal of the therapy.

Despite the stigma, relationship therapy is nothing to be ashamed of and with the right therapist, it can be a powerful tool. If you’re interested in learning more about whether or not relationship therapy is a good fit for you, reach out to Embrace Sexual Wellness.