Despite the stigma surrounding erotica and porn, they can be healthy, helpful tools both for solo and partnered sexual enjoyment. There are a multitude of benefits to watching porn in tandem, like facilitating communication about sex and sexual preferences, stimulating responsive desire, and inspiring you to try new things in the bedroom. That being said, let’s break those down to understand why that’s the case:

1) Improving communication

There are several ways that consuming erotica and porn together with your partner(s) can improve communication. One, if there’s something you’ve been wanting to try but haven’t been able to ask for directly yet, consider finding erotica or porn representing that desire and, with consent, share it with your partner. Erotica and porn are not by any means accurate enough to serve as true tutorials, but they can certainly offer inspiration! Two, opening up a vulnerable conversation such as consuming porn together necessitates communication about boundaries: what you want to consume together, why, how, and when. Finally, keep in mind that when you do communicate about it, similar to any sort of sexual desire you share with your partner(s), it should be a question with the opportunity for the response to be no.

2) Igniting responsive desire

Responsive desire “means someone often needs to experience physical arousal before experiencing mental desire, [as opposed to] spontaneous desire [which] means someone often feels mental desire before physical arousal.” Many people are busy and overwhelmed with responsibilities that regardless of a person’s desire for sex in the abstract, they might not actually experience that desire without some sort of stimulation. That’s where porn and erotica come in! Especially for relationships where there’s a mismatch in partners having spontaneous versus responsive desire styles, using porn and erotica as a “jumpstart” can change the game.

3) Inspiring experimentation

Though as stated previously, porn and erotica should not be used as tutorials, they can certainly introduce you to new moves and techniques that you may have been unaware of. From there, you can explore how to execute that move based on more reputable sources.

Sharing porn and erotica isn’t for everyone but it can certainly offer a new sexual outlet in a relationship and provide all the benefits discussed in this article. Here are Embrace Sexual Wellness’s suggestions forSharing porn and erotica isn’t for everyone but it can certainly offer a new sexual outlet in a relationship and provide all the benefits discussed in this article. Here are Embrace Sexual Wellness’s suggestions for fantasy and erotica.

Finding a therapist is no easy feat. From insurance to personality compatibility to coordinating schedules, searching for the right mental health professional can be understandably overwhelming. This article is meant to guide you through the process, covering how to find the right fit, how to tell if they’re the right fit, and how to measure quality of care.

Where to begin your search

Word of mouth is a great way to find therapists in your area, especially if the recommendation comes from someone who knows you and your needs well. If you do want to pursue a recommendation from a friend, make sure you check that it’s not a conflict of interest to see the same therapist.
If you are insured, a good place to start is your insurance company’s directory of in-network professionals.
If you are uninsured or you’re looking for alternative search engine options, here are some alternative places to look for a therapist.
- Open Path Collective
  1. “Open Path Psychotherapy Collective is a nonprofit nationwide network of mental health professionals dedicated to providing in-office and online mental health care—at a steeply reduced rate—to clients in need.”
- Inclusive Therapists
  1. “Seeking therapy can be a vulnerable process. We understand. We aim to make it simpler and safer for people in marginalized communities. Find a culturally responsive, 2SLGBTQ+ affirming therapist that celebrates your full identity”
- APA Psychologist Locator
  1. APA is the leading scientific and professional organization representing psychology in the United States, with more than 133,000 researchers, educators, clinicians, consultants, and students as its members.
- TherapyDen
  1. “We are an online community of mental health professionals seeking to make the experience of finding a therapist easy.”
- Therapy For Black Girls
  1. “So often the stigma surrounding mental health issues and therapy prevents Black women from taking the step of seeing a therapist. This space was developed to present mental health topics in a way that feels more accessible and relevant.”

Considerations for your search parameters

Finding the name of a therapist is one thing, but it’s an entire other thing to find a therapist who works for you and your needs.
When you’re considering what might make a therapist a good fit for you, think first of whether or not you have any identity preferences such as gender or race that would allow a therapist to relate to certain experiences.
Before meeting with a therapist, try to do initial phone screenings of several options to ask about their specialties, whether they have experience with your specific issues, what structure their sessions usually follow, and any other information that you might need.
Logistical factors you may need to take into consideration are location, cost, mutual schedule availability, and the therapist’s availability outside of sessions, such as for emergencies.

How to tell if they’re the right fit

You feel comfortable being vulnerable around them (at least relative to others)
They have strong, clearly communicated boundaries about their policies and personal life
You are able to share concerns about the therapeutic relationship and they respond with openness and a desire to problem solve
They respect your values and identity
They guide you to your goals and coach you to be able to make your own decisions
They challenge you in constructive ways. For example, they might ask you to reconsider a self-deprecating statement and work to get to the root of the thought in order to unpack it

Signs that they’re not a good fit

They judge you or shame you
They have no experience with your issue(s)
They overshare about themselves
They tell you what to do rather than guiding you to make your own decisions
You regularly feel worse after your session

It will take some time to find a therapist who works for you and when you’re in need of help, that can be discouraging. Perhaps try asking a trusted friend or family member to aid you in your search and/or ask them to sit with you for moral support while you do it. Once you do find a good therapist, it will be worth it. Simply wanting to seek help is a huge first step so show yourself gratitude for taking the time to read this. If you are seeking therapy for concerns related to sexuality or your relationships, consider reaching out to Embrace Sexual Wellness to see if our team might be a good fit for you.

A Helping Hand: The Benefits of Sharing Porn and Erotica with Your Partner(s)