Ethical Porn: What Is It and How Do I Find It?

Porn is a great tool to enhance your sex life, but it’s also an ethical landmine. There is nothing inherently unethical about porn in a conceptual sense but unfortunately, in practice, the unregulated porn production industry is rife with exploitation and abuse. There’s sexual assault, racism, pedophilia, and unsafe working conditions, just to name a few. In light of this, there are some porn companies and individuals working to improve industry standards and produce porn ethically.

So what makes porn “ethical” or not? Ethical porn involves informed consent, performers treated with respect, safe working conditions, and fair compensation for those involved. These higher standards mean that ethical porn is rarely free, in order for the performers and crew to get sufficient pay. It’s important to remember that accessing porn is a luxury and privilege, not a right, and it shouldn’t be accessed at the cost of human exploitation.

In addition to production standards, ethical porn also often shows real sexual pleasure as opposed to it being over exaggerated, as well as portrays performers with diverse body sizes, races, sexualities, ages, and abilities. It’s important to acknowledge that because ethics are subjective, different people have different perspectives on what makes porn ethical. For example, some people might argue that fantasy content about dehumanizing storylines (e.g. hostile sexism), regardless of whether or not it was consensual, is unethical. The definition of ethical porn provided above covers the bare minimum requirements for ethical porn but beyond that, the definition is a gray area.

When looking for ethical porn, do research on the porn production company’s philosophy and standards. For example, some companies will include the consent process prior to filming so you can hear from the performers directly.

This might seem like a lot of work, particularly compared to simply typing in a keyword on PornHub and finding a video. And in a sense, it is easier, but it’s not better. Supporting ethical porn, especially when you pay for it, means you’re supporting sex worker rights and fair working conditions. Fortunately, we have recommendations and additional databases for accessing ethical porn for you! Here are a few of our favorite companies, excerpted from this Embrace Sexual Wellness resource page.

• Aorta Films 

• Bellesa

• Dipsea Stories

• Erika Lust Cinema

• Make Love Not Porn

• Pink Label TV

• X Confessions

And if you’re still seeking more suggestions, here are a few resources:

• Feminist Porn Awards

• List of LGBTQ+ Independent Porn Performers by WhatsMyBodyDoing

• Recommendations From QueerSexTherapy

It’s okay if you weren’t aware of the difference between ethical and unethical porn prior to reading this, and now that you’re equipped with this information you can support better porn and porn performers. Responsible porn consumption is an important part of a healthy sex life and hopefully these tips and suggestions will allow you to integrate it into yours. 

Looking to Enjoy Sex When Trying to Conceive? Here Are 4 Tips

Conceiving is an exciting time for a lot of reasons, but sexiness isn’t generally known as one of them. The process of trying to conceive for some can border on business at times between tactics like tracking ovulation cycles and scheduling sex. Regardless of efficacy, this definitely takes some of the fun and pleasure out of sex and it can start to feel like more of a chore than anything else. Having sex with a goal doesn’t mean it has to be devoid of fun! Here are some tips for enjoying sex while conceiving is on the brain:

1) Switch it up

• Perhaps an obvious point, but an important one nonetheless, keep it fresh! Whether that means trying out sex toys, new positions, BDSM/kink, shared erotica or porn, new times of day, or another tactic, keeping it fresh will help retain the excitement that sex brings.

2) Try to enjoy the journey even though the motivation behind the sex is destination-oriented

• When you’re having sex more frequently than you might otherwise, it’s tempting to want to cut to the chase and skip the foreplay. All this will do in reality is diminish your enjoyment, and potentially make it harder to have sex at all; for instance, if you can’t produce lubrication because you haven’t had enough foreplay, penetration might not work at all. All this is to say that foreplay is worth the time and will make sex feel less like a chore. Furthermore, it will help you feel more connected to your partner and more at ease.

• A related point is to try to have both “goal oriented” sex for your conception journey and additionally, sex just for fun. If all your sex is goal oriented, the stress and pressure begins to be associated with sex might serve to discourage you from having it.

3) Spontaneity versus scheduling

• There are pros and cons to spontaneous sex versus scheduling sex. Spontaneous sex might feel more natural and less pressured, while scheduling sex allows for synchronicity with fertility cycles. Ultimately, it will depend on the personalities of the people in the relationship which one works better, but leave the door open for a combination of both (or at least try not to get stuck in the thought that one is empirically better than the other).

4) Spend some time apart

• This might seem counterintuitive to your ultimate goal but in fact, time apart will allow you both to have more “me time” to care for yourself. Conceiving to have a child is not only a physically process but an intensely emotional one and you owe it to yourself to care for yourself properly. Additionally, too much time together can be suffocating and make it hard to feel sexy when the time comes, so do yourself a favor and spend time alone.

Congratulations on your decision to try to conceive, and hopefully some of these tips will help you ensure that the journey is as enjoyable as possible while getting you where you want to be! If you continue to struggle to enjoy sex while conceiving and it becomes an issue, consider speaking to a sex therapist like one of the professionals at Embrace Sexual Wellness.

Experiencing Depression During the Holidays? Here Are Four Tips for Staying Connected

It’s the time of year where the daylight is dwindling and the chill in the air disincentivizes adventuring outside of the house as much. In other words, it’s a perfect recipe for heightened depression. As we’ve discussed in a recent blog post, the holiday season is a particularly stressful one for most people. If you’re struggling with your depression these days, you’re not alone. These tips are not solutions but hopefully they’ll serve to make you more resilient against your depression.

1) Get outside

Easier said than done considering the chill in the air but one of the most important ways to care for yourself year-round is by getting outside. Sun and fresh air won’t solve all your problems, but it will do you a world of good to get outside of your house, especially if your depression is making you struggle to stay on top of chores.

2) Determine a realistic level of social commitments

The holiday season can get dizzying with the amount of demands it brings. You might find yourself wanting to say yes to everything but that’s a recipe for burn out. It’s tough but essential to find the balance between socializing enough so you’re not isolated, without socializing so much that you burn out. Only you can determine where your limit is.

3) Ensure that you’re eating and sleeping enough

Like the other tips, this is important year-round but becomes even more important when you’re expecting a particularly stressful time in your life. When you’re running on fumes because you’re sleep deprived or hungry, you won’t be able to function at your best. Here are some foods that are suggested for winter blues.

4) Loop in your loved ones

Consider talking to a few trusted loved ones about your depression to shore up your support system. Perhaps they can plan to check in on you once a week, help you stay on top of commitments and chores, or just come keep you company once in awhile.

If you feel like nothing you’re trying to address your depression is working or if you feel unsafe, consider seeing a professional if it’s accessible to you. We hope you enjoy your holiday season as much as possible!