Nurturing Sexual Intimacy: Rediscovering Connection After Cancer Treatment

Embarking on the journey of a cancer diagnosis and subsequent treatment is undoubtedly a challenging road that can impact intimate relationships. The process of re-establishing sexual intimacy after cancer calls for a thoughtful approach—one grounded in understanding, open communication, and patience. In this article, we'll delve deeper into the potential effects of cancer on sexual health, discuss specific resources available, and provide detailed insights on how to approach the gradual process of rebuilding intimacy when the time feels right.

Understanding the Impact of Cancer on Sexual Functioning

Cancer and its treatment introduce physical changes that can significantly affect sexual functioning. Surgical procedures may alter body structures and tissues, and chemotherapy or radiation therapy can induce fatigue, pain, vaginal dryness and hormonal imbalances. Beyond the physical side effects, the emotional toll of a cancer diagnosis, marked by anxiety, depression, and uncertainty, can cast a shadow on libido and overall sexual well-being. It's important for individuals and their partners to grasp the nature of these changes and engage in open communication with healthcare providers, including oncologists, nurses, and specialists to gain valuable insights into managing these challenges effectively.

How do I support my intimate partner during cancer treatment?

Approaching intimacy after cancer treatment requires support from all individuals in a relationship. Here are considerations for the supportive partner:

Open Communication

Open communication serves as the cornerstone of navigating this sensitive terrain. Creating an environment where both partners can freely express their feelings, concerns, and desires is crucial. Encouraging your partner to share their experiences and being attentive to their emotional needs fosters a deeper understanding and connection.

Self-Educate

Taking the initiative to educate yourself about the potential physical and emotional changes resulting from cancer treatment is a proactive step. This knowledge equips you to provide informed support and navigate the journey together, demonstrating a commitment to shared understanding.

Practice Patience

Recognizing that rebuilding intimacy takes time is essential. Being patient with your partner and acknowledging that the process may involve ups and downs is key to fostering a supportive environment. Understanding that your partner's feelings and needs may evolve allows you to adapt your support accordingly, creating a foundation for resilience and growth.

Find your own support

Participating in counseling sessions or support groups as a couple is a collaborative approach that can strengthen the bond between partners. This shared experience enhances communication and provides practical tools to navigate the unique challenges that may arise in the aftermath of cancer treatment. Encouraging your partner to seek guidance from healthcare professionals, therapists, or sexologists who specialize in post-cancer intimacy is a proactive step toward holistic support. Professional guidance can offer tailored strategies and insights to address specific challenges, empowering both partners on the journey of rediscovering intimacy after cancer.

How do we approach intimacy after cancer?

Rebuilding intimacy necessitates a deliberate and patient approach. Open communication serves as the cornerstone of this process, where partners express their feelings, fears, and desires, fostering mutual understanding and empathy. Taking it slow is crucial. Initiating non-sexual forms of physical connection, such as cuddling or holding hands, can create a foundation for rebuilding intimacy at a pace comfortable for each partner.

Exploring sensate focus, a technique employed by sex therapists involves non-demanding, pleasurable touch without the expectation of sexual activity. This approach encourages partners to reconnect on a physical level, fostering a renewed sense of intimacy without the pressure of immediate sexual expectations.

Lastly, educating oneself about the potential physical and emotional changes resulting from cancer treatment is empowering. Understanding these changes reduces anxiety and contributes to a more supportive and empathetic relationship, with resources such as reputable websites, books, and pamphlets provided by healthcare professionals in the Chicagoland area offering valuable insights.

Resources for Cancer Support in Chicagoland

• American Cancer Society: The American Cancer Society (ACS) is a vital support system for cancer patients, providing easily accessible information on different types of cancer, current treatments, and resources. Through initiatives like Relay For Life and educational programs, ACS promotes cancer awareness and fundraising for research. ACS also offers support services, such as transportation assistance and lodging for patients undergoing treatment. With a focus on community engagement and advocacy, the American Cancer Society plays a crucial role in supporting and empowering individuals affected by cancer.

• Cancer Treatment Centers of America (CTCA) - Chicago: CTCA is dedicated to cancer care and offers a comprehensive approach to address the physical and emotional aspects of cancer treatment. They provide specialized support services and access to healthcare professionals well-versed in managing the unique challenges of post-cancer intimacy.

• Cancer Wellness Center: Through supportive care and education, the Cancer Wellness Center seeks to improve the emotional and physical well-being of people affected by cancer. It is located in Northbrook, IL and all of their virtual and in-person programs are offered free of charge. Programs include support groups, counseling/therapy, educational programs, exercise and physical wellness programs, nutritional counseling, mind-body practices, and a resource center.

• Gilda's Club Chicago: Gilda's Club is a community organization providing support and education to individuals and families impacted by cancer. They offer counseling services, support groups, and educational programs that address the emotional aspects of rebuilding intimacy.

• National Cancer Institute: The National Cancer Institute (NCI) is a crucial resource for cancer patients, offering easy-to-understand information on various cancers and access to the latest treatments through clinical trials. NCI is dedicated to supporting patients by providing educational materials and promoting cancer prevention initiatives. With a focus on collaboration and patient-centered care, NCI plays a vital role in offering valuable support and fostering hope within the cancer community.

• Northwestern Medicine Cancer Center - Chicago: Northwestern Medicine's Cancer Center in Chicago is renowned for its multidisciplinary approach to cancer care. The center provides access to oncologists, psychologists, and counselors who can offer guidance on managing the effects of cancer on sexual health.

• University of Chicago Medicine Comprehensive Cancer Center: This center is a hub for cutting-edge cancer research and treatment. The Comprehensive Cancer Center offers support services and resources to help individuals navigate the challenges of post-cancer intimacy, including counseling and educational programs.

• Wellness House - Hinsdale: Wellness House provides a variety of programs and services to support individuals and families affected by cancer. Their offerings include counseling, support groups, and educational workshops aimed at addressing the emotional and relational aspects of post-cancer life.

TLDR

Re-establishing intimacy after cancer treatment is a personal journey requiring patience and understanding. Partners can play a crucial role by fostering open communication, educating themselves about post-cancer changes, attending support sessions together, being patient, and encouraging professional guidance. Remember, the path to rebuilding intimacy is gradual, and prioritizing emotional connection lays the foundation for a fulfilling post-cancer sexual relationship.

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

Exploring the Power of Emotionally Focused Therapy in Sex Therapy

In the world of psychotherapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) has emerged as a powerful and effective approach, offering transformative results for couples facing various challenges. While it is widely known for its success in improving overall relationship dynamics, EFT has also proven to be valuable in the realm of sex therapy. In this blog post, we will delve into the intricacies of EFT, exploring what to expect, the three stages of treatment, the basics of couples therapy, and the effectiveness of EFT for couples, with a particular emphasis on its application in the context of sex therapy.

What can I expect from EFT?

Emotionally Focused Therapy is a collaborative and structured approach that aims to strengthen emotional bonds between individuals. In the context of couples therapy, EFT creates a safe space for partners to explore and understand their emotions and relational patterns. Expect the therapist to guide you through a process of identifying and transforming negative communication cycles, fostering emotional responsiveness, and ultimately promoting secure attachment.

The 3 Stages of Treatment in EFT

EFT is structured around three distinct stages. In the first stage, couples identify and explore the negative interactional patterns that contribute to distress. The second stage involves restructuring these patterns and building new, healthier ways of relating. The third stage focuses on consolidating the changes made and establishing a more secure and resilient connection. This progression is crucial in creating lasting and positive transformations within the relationship. At its core, EFT couples therapy is rooted in attachment theory, emphasizing the importance of emotional bonds in human relationships. Therapists work to help couples recognize and express their emotions, fostering a deeper understanding of each other's needs and vulnerabilities. By promoting open communication and emotional responsiveness, EFT lays the foundation for a more secure and fulfilling connection between partners.

How Effective Is EFT for Couples?

Research consistently supports the efficacy of EFT for couples, demonstrating significant improvements in relationship satisfaction and overall well-being. Couples who undergo EFT often report better communication, increased intimacy, and a stronger emotional connection. Its success has made EFT a widely recognized and evidence-based approach in the field of couples therapy.

How does EFT help couples in sex therapy?

EFT has demonstrated remarkable efficacy in addressing a spectrum of commonly experienced intimate challenges. One significant area where EFT shines is in resolving communication breakdowns surrounding sexual desires and preferences. By cultivating open dialogue and emotional expression, EFT helps couples articulate their needs, fostering a deeper understanding that extends into sexual intimacy.

Furthermore, EFT has proven invaluable in navigating desire discrepancies, offering couples a framework to explore the emotional dynamics influencing their sexual differences. EFT provides a safe space for couples to process and heal, creating an environment conducive to rebuilding trust and restoring a healthy sexual connection. EFT also excels in challenging negative sexual scripts and supporting partners in overcoming body image insecurities, promoting a positive and affirming atmosphere for shared vulnerability.

EFT explores the complexities of postpartum challenges, acknowledging the emotional and physical transformations that accompany the transition to parenthood. EFT assists couples in adapting to these changes and maintaining intimacy. When faced with the aftermath of infidelity and trust issues, EFT guides couples through the process of rebuilding trust, exploring the emotional roots of betrayal, and establishing a foundation for renewed emotional and sexual intimacy.

TLDR

EFT's holistic approach to couples therapy seamlessly extends into sex therapy, offering couples a comprehensive toolkit to navigate a myriad of challenges. Its emphasis on emotional connection, communication, and trust-building positions EFT as a powerful ally for couples seeking not only to enhance their relational dynamics but also to foster a deeply satisfying and resilient sexual connection.Emotionally Focused Therapy offers a holistic approach to couples therapy, encompassing emotional, relational, and, by extension, sexual well-being. By addressing the core emotional dynamics within a relationship, EFT paves the way for transformative change, making it a valuable tool in the toolkit of sex therapists seeking to enhance the intimate connection between partners.

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

How to Build Emotional Safety in a Relationship

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

Building emotional safety in a relationship is a vital aspect of maintaining a healthy, thriving partnership. Emotional safety is the foundation upon which trust, communication, and intimacy are built. When individuals feel emotionally safe with their partners, they can open up, be vulnerable, and address challenges together in a supportive and loving way. In this blog post, we'll explore what emotional safety means, how to recognize it, and how to foster it in your relationship. We'll also discuss the unique needs and socialization of gender in the context of emotional safety.

What Is Emotional Safety?

Emotional safety can be defined as the feeling of comfort and trust that comes from knowing you can be your true self without fear of judgment, criticism, or harm. It's a space where partners can express their feelings, thoughts, and concerns openly, without hesitation, and with the assurance that they will be heard and respected.

What are signs of emotional safety in a relationship?

Open Communication

Partners in an emotionally safe relationship can talk about their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of retribution or judgment. They actively listen to each other and validate one another's experiences. 

Vulnerability

Both partners feel comfortable being vulnerable with one another. They share their fears, insecurities, and dreams, knowing that they won't be exploited or ridiculed.

Trust

Emotional safety fosters trust, as partners believe in each other's intentions and reliability. They have confidence that their partner has their best interests at heart.

Support

In emotionally safe relationships, partners provide unwavering support for one another during challenging times. They offer a shoulder to lean on and a helping hand when needed.

Respect

Respect for each other's boundaries, individuality, and autonomy is evident. Partners treat each other with kindness and consideration, recognizing that they are unique individuals.

What are signs of a lack of emotional safety in a relationship?

Fear of Sharing

When emotional safety is lacking, one or both partners may be hesitant to share their thoughts or emotions, fearing a negative reaction.

Judgment and Criticism

Partners in an emotionally unsafe relationship may judge, criticize, or belittle one another, making it difficult to be open and honest.

Secrecy and Concealment

If there is a lack of emotional safety, partners may keep secrets or hide aspects of themselves to avoid potential negative consequences.

Constant Conflict

Unresolved conflicts and frequent arguments are indicative of a lack of emotional safety. It can make both partners feel constantly on edge.

Emotional Withdrawal

Emotional distance and withdrawal from the relationship may occur when partners do not feel safe. They may become emotionally guarded.

How to Help Your Partner Feel Emotionally Secure

Actively Listen

Listen to your partner without interrupting, and ask clarifying questions to show that you genuinely care about their feelings.

Respond Empathetically

Show empathy by validating your partner's emotions, even if you don't fully understand. For example, you can say, "I can see why you feel that way."

Respect Each Other's Boundaries

Respect your partner's boundaries and personal space, and encourage them to express what they need from you. Examining and voicing your own needs can also create a relationship culture of expressing and respecting needs.

Prioritize Quality Time Together

Spend quality time together, free from distractions, to foster connection and strengthen your emotional bond. Quality time is not sitting on the couch watching TV together but rather engaging in an activity where you are clued in and attentive to one another.

Offer Reassurance

Let your partner know that you're there for them and that you support them, especially during challenging times. You may have a list of solutions that come to mind but they are most likely not anything your partner hasn’t already thought of. If they want a solution, they’ll ask for it, otherwise, they most likely prefer you to just listen, validate, and support.

Understanding Gender Differences with Emotional Safety

Cis men, cis women, transgender individuals, and those who identify as genderqueer or nonbinary may all bring unique experiences and needs to their relationships. Recognizing and respecting these differences is crucial for building emotional safety in a diverse and inclusive manner. It's important to note that gender differences are not universal, and individuals vary widely in their emotional needs. The following considerations are generalizations and may not apply to every person. Communication with your partner about their specific needs is key to creating a supportive and inclusive environment.

In fostering a healthy and supportive relationship, all partners can derive numerous benefits by prioritizing certain aspects. Firstly, creating an environment that encourages emotional expression without judgment or expectation can significantly strengthen the emotional bond shared between partners. It is vital to recognize and cater to the unique emotional needs of each individual, providing individualized support that aligns with their preferences and comfort levels. Additionally, inclusive decision-making processes that respect the perspectives and input of all partners contribute to a sense of safety and partnership within the relationship.

In the context of transgender and genderqueer considerations, certain principles should be upheld. Respecting and acknowledging your partner's gender identity is foundational, requiring the use of correct pronouns and names, along with active engagement in conversations about their experiences and feelings. For transgender individuals, navigating gender dysphoria can be challenging, and emotional safety involves providing understanding, empathy, and support during these times without judgment. For genderqueer or nonbinary individuals, partners who recognize and embrace the fluidity of their gender identity contribute to a supportive environment. Encouraging open dialogue about how they define and experience emotional safety becomes crucial in fostering a relationship that respects and honors their identity.

Examples of Emotional Safety

Imagine a scenario in which a cis female partner faces a challenging situation at work. In an emotionally safe relationship, her cis male partner actively listens, empathizes with her feelings, and offers support. He doesn't jump into problem-solving mode if she needs a listening ear. In return, she feels heard and understood, and they strengthen their emotional connection.

In another example, a cis male partner may open up about his insecurities, seeking emotional safety. His cis female partner responds with empathy and reassurance, expressing her support for him. This fosters a safe space for him to share his vulnerabilities without fear of judgment.

In another scenario a genderqueer individual discusses their experiences with their partner. In an inclusive and emotionally safe relationship, the partner actively listens, respects their partner's gender identity, and engages in conversations about the unique challenges they may face.

Similarly, a transgender partner may share their feelings about dysphoria. In an emotionally safe relationship, the partner responds with empathy, offers support, and actively participates in creating an environment where the transgender partner feels seen and valued.

Takeaway

Building emotional safety in a relationship is a continuous process that requires open communication, trust, respect, and empathy. It's essential to recognize and address any barriers to emotional safety, as well as to learn and understand your partner’s unique emotional needs, regardless of their gender. By doing so, you can cultivate a strong, supportive, and enduring connection that thrives on trust, understanding, and love. If you are concerned about a lack of emotional safety in your relationship or want to improve emotional safety, couples therapy can help you create a dynamic that feels safe for all partners.