Sexual Senescence: How Sexuality Changes with Age and What to Do About It

The only constant in life is change and sexuality is no exception. Over the course of a lifetime, a litany of factors will affect one’s sexuality and relationship with sex, including, but not limited to, age, biological sex, physical ability, hormonal changes, life circumstances, body image, and trauma. Even though it is common for one’s sexuality to evolve over a lifetime, the relationship between aging and sex, sometimes referred to as “sexual senescence,” remains shrouded in taboo and misconceptions. One such ageist misconception is that seniors do not experience sexual desire or have sex. This is an inaccurate assessment, many seniors do maintain a thriving sex life. In fact, many people feel that they have a more fulfilling sex life in older age because they know more about what they like and how to communicate it. This article is for seniors who want to have sex but are feeling limited by the effects of senescence. It will discuss the common limitations for seniors interested in having sex and how to address them.     

How does sex change with age?

Changes in sexual function are a common part of the aging process, though they are not universally experienced in the same way by all individuals. The impact of menopause and andropause is a key factor influencing sexual health and desire in later life. Medically speaking, menopause officially begins 12 months after a menstruating person’s last period. That being said, menopause is preceded by perimenopause, which can also present with symptoms that are disruptive to your sex life like lower libido. Menopausal people might experience vaginal dryness, atrophy, or a drop in estrogen levels, which can impact their enjoyment of sex. Similarly, andropausal people may experience a drop in testosterone levels and accordingly, erectile dysfunction which could impact their enjoyment of sex.

How can I improve my sexual health during aging?

Fortunately, there are some interventions to help with these hormonal changes. Lubricants, regular moisturizing, longer foreplay and estrogen therapy can help relieve vaginal dryness brought on by menopause. Andropause can cause erectile dysfunction which can be addressed with medications and healthful habits. Such medical interventions include testosterone therapy and oral medications like sildenafil or tadalafil. Consider talking to your doctor about your specific concerns and how to best address them.

Does sexual dysfunction increase with age?

Due to hormonal changes and other factors such as disability, medication, and energy levels, low libido is not uncommon among seniors. Depending on the cause of your low libido, the intervention will look different. Fortunately, you do not have to simply resign yourself to these obstacles and there are options for addressing low libido and desire discrepancy in a relationship.  

How do you maintain sexual health in older age?

Since conception is often less relevant in late adulthood, some people are tempted to take fewer precautions to practice safer sex. Unfortunately, age does not protect people from contracting sexually transmitted infections. This means it’s still important to use safer sex practices. Condoms, vaccinations, and regular testing are great ways to minimize the risk of STI transmission. 

 An active, fulfilling sex life is possible at any age. What is normal for one person or partnership varies, so it is most important to figure out how to approach sexuality as you age based on your specific needs. Remember that penetrative sex is not the only way to be intimate with someone. You could explore using sex toys, trying more solo and/or mutual masturbation, giving each other massages, oral sex, or skin to skin cuddling. As your needs, wants, and capabilities evolve, your approach to addressing them has to evolve too. If you have limitations due to aging that prevent you from engaging in specific sexual activities, that does not mean forgoing a great sex life.   

Takeaways

The most important part of navigating your evolving relationship with sexuality is to keep an open line of communication between you and your partner(s) about what you want and what works best for you in approaching your sex life. If you need emotional and logistical support figuring out how to supplement your sex life, consider working with a therapist.    

Looking to Enjoy Sex When Trying to Conceive? Here Are 4 Tips

Conceiving is an exciting time for a lot of reasons, but sexiness isn’t generally known as one of them. The process of trying to conceive for some can border on business at times between tactics like tracking ovulation cycles and scheduling sex. Regardless of efficacy, this definitely takes some of the fun and pleasure out of sex and it can start to feel like more of a chore than anything else. Having sex with a goal doesn’t mean it has to be devoid of fun! Here are some tips for enjoying sex while conceiving is on the brain:

1) Switch it up

• Perhaps an obvious point, but an important one nonetheless, keep it fresh! Whether that means trying out sex toys, new positions, BDSM/kink, shared erotica or porn, new times of day, or another tactic, keeping it fresh will help retain the excitement that sex brings.

2) Try to enjoy the journey even though the motivation behind the sex is destination-oriented

• When you’re having sex more frequently than you might otherwise, it’s tempting to want to cut to the chase and skip the foreplay. All this will do in reality is diminish your enjoyment, and potentially make it harder to have sex at all; for instance, if you can’t produce lubrication because you haven’t had enough foreplay, penetration might not work at all. All this is to say that foreplay is worth the time and will make sex feel less like a chore. Furthermore, it will help you feel more connected to your partner and more at ease.

• A related point is to try to have both “goal oriented” sex for your conception journey and additionally, sex just for fun. If all your sex is goal oriented, the stress and pressure begins to be associated with sex might serve to discourage you from having it.

3) Spontaneity versus scheduling

• There are pros and cons to spontaneous sex versus scheduling sex. Spontaneous sex might feel more natural and less pressured, while scheduling sex allows for synchronicity with fertility cycles. Ultimately, it will depend on the personalities of the people in the relationship which one works better, but leave the door open for a combination of both (or at least try not to get stuck in the thought that one is empirically better than the other).

4) Spend some time apart

• This might seem counterintuitive to your ultimate goal but in fact, time apart will allow you both to have more “me time” to care for yourself. Conceiving to have a child is not only a physically process but an intensely emotional one and you owe it to yourself to care for yourself properly. Additionally, too much time together can be suffocating and make it hard to feel sexy when the time comes, so do yourself a favor and spend time alone.

Congratulations on your decision to try to conceive, and hopefully some of these tips will help you ensure that the journey is as enjoyable as possible while getting you where you want to be! If you continue to struggle to enjoy sex while conceiving and it becomes an issue, consider speaking to a sex therapist like one of the professionals at Embrace Sexual Wellness.

A Helping Hand: The Benefits of Sharing Porn and Erotica with Your Partner(s)

Despite the stigma surrounding erotica and porn, they can be healthy, helpful tools both for solo and partnered sexual enjoyment. There are a multitude of benefits to watching porn in tandem, like facilitating communication about sex and sexual preferences, stimulating responsive desire, and inspiring you to try new things in the bedroom. That being said, let’s break those down to understand why that’s the case:

1) Improving communication

There are several ways that consuming erotica and porn together with your partner(s) can improve communication. One, if there’s something you’ve been wanting to try but haven’t been able to ask for directly yet, consider finding erotica or porn representing that desire and, with consent, share it with your partner. Erotica and porn are not by any means accurate enough to serve as true tutorials, but they can certainly offer inspiration! Two, opening up a vulnerable conversation such as consuming porn together necessitates communication about boundaries: what you want to consume together, why, how, and when. Finally, keep in mind that when you do communicate about it, similar to any sort of sexual desire you share with your partner(s), it should be a question with the opportunity for the response to be no.

2) Igniting responsive desire

Responsive desire “means someone often needs to experience physical arousal before experiencing mental desire, [as opposed to] spontaneous desire [which] means someone often feels mental desire before physical arousal.” Many people are busy and overwhelmed with responsibilities that regardless of a person’s desire for sex in the abstract, they might not actually experience that desire without some sort of stimulation. That’s where porn and erotica come in! Especially for relationships where there’s a mismatch in partners having spontaneous versus responsive desire styles, using porn and erotica as a “jumpstart” can change the game.

3) Inspiring experimentation

Though as stated previously, porn and erotica should not be used as tutorials, they can certainly introduce you to new moves and techniques that you may have been unaware of. From there, you can explore how to execute that move based on more reputable sources.

Sharing porn and erotica isn’t for everyone but it can certainly offer a new sexual outlet in a relationship and provide all the benefits discussed in this article. Here are Embrace Sexual Wellness’s suggestions forSharing porn and erotica isn’t for everyone but it can certainly offer a new sexual outlet in a relationship and provide all the benefits discussed in this article. Here are Embrace Sexual Wellness’s suggestions for fantasy and erotica.