5 Somatic Techniques for Self-Soothing

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

In the hustle and bustle of modern life, finding moments of tranquility can seem like a challenge. Amidst the chaos, people utilize somatic techniques to approach healing and self-soothing. These practices delve into the intricate connection between the mind and body, offering a pathway to release tension, ease anxiety, and nurture inner peace. In this blog, we'll explore somatic techniques, how they can be practiced for self-soothing, and their effectiveness in promoting nervous system relief.

What is Somatic Healing?

Somatic healing is an integrative approach that recognizes the interconnectedness of the body and mind in processing emotions and experiences. Unlike traditional talk therapy, somatic therapy focuses on bodily sensations, movements, and postures to address underlying issues contributing to stress, anxiety, and trauma. By engaging the body's wisdom, somatic techniques facilitate the release of pent-up emotions stored within the nervous system, paving the way for profound healing and self-awareness.

5 Somatic Therapy Techniques to Try

1. Deep Breathing

Begin by finding a comfortable seated or lying position. Close your eyes and take slow, deep breaths, allowing your belly to expand with each inhale and contract with each exhale. Focus your awareness on the sensation of the breath entering and leaving your body. This simple yet powerful technique activates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing stress.

2. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Find a quiet space where you can lie down comfortably. Starting from your toes, tense each muscle group in your body for 5-10 seconds, then release and relax completely. Work your way up through your legs, abdomen, chest, arms, and neck, paying attention to any areas of tension. Progressive muscle relaxation helps to relieve physical tension and promotes a sense of calmness throughout the body.

3. Body Scans

Sit or lie down in a comfortable position, allowing your body to settle into a relaxed state. Bring your attention to different parts of your body, starting from the top of your head and moving down to your toes. Notice any sensations, tension, or discomfort without judgment, simply allowing them to be present. Body scans cultivate mindfulness and promote self-awareness, helping to dissipate stress and anxiety.

4. Grounding Techniques

Find a stable surface to sit or stand on, such as the floor or solid ground. Take a moment to notice the sensation of your feet making contact with the surface beneath you. Imagine roots extending from the soles of your feet, anchoring you to the earth below. Take slow, deep breaths as you visualize yourself grounded and supported by the earth's energy. Grounding techniques help to stabilize the nervous system and promote a sense of security and stability.

5. Gentle Movement

Engage in gentle movement practices such as yoga, tai chi, or qigong to reconnect with your body and breath. Focus on slow, deliberate movements coordinated with your breath, allowing tension to melt away with each mindful gesture. Gentle movement practices enhance body awareness, promote flexibility, and facilitate the flow of energy throughout the body, supporting nervous system relief and self-soothing.

Effectiveness of Somatic Techniques for Self-Soothing

Somatic techniques offer a holistic approach to self-soothing by addressing both the physical and emotional components of stress and anxiety. By tuning into bodily sensations and utilizing breath, movement, and mindfulness, these practices help to regulate the nervous system, promote relaxation, and cultivate a sense of inner calm. Whether it's through deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, body scans, grounding techniques, or gentle movement practices, somatic techniques effectively empower individuals experiencing PTSD-like symptoms to tap into their innate capacity for healing and self-awareness. A 2021 study suggests that engaging in these somatic techniques is effective for both traumatized and non-traumatized populations. Their effectiveness with other specific disorders and symptom sets are promising but currently being studied.

What is the Most Effective Somatic Technique?

The effectiveness of somatic techniques varies from person to person, as each individual may resonate differently with specific practices. In my experience with clients, they report that the five techniques described above are particularly helpful with stress or anxiety responses in the body. Deep breathing is a great option if you are in public as it tends to be more accessible and discreet. Progressive muscle relaxation can be helpful when you are feeling tight or clenching muscles or when you are having difficulty falling asleep. Body scans are a great way to start your day as it reinforces the mind-body connection before going about your routine. Grounding techniques seem to be most effective with clients that feel stuck in rumination and want to feel more connected to reality. If engaging in the techniques outlined above prove difficult or there is a feeling of disconnection from your body, somatic-based psychotherapy can help people reintegrate the mind-body connection.

TLDR

Somatic techniques offer a practical pathway to self-soothing and nervous system relief by leveraging the body's innate wisdom. Deep breathing, muscle relaxation, body awareness, grounding, and gentle movement practices provide accessible tools for managing stress and anxiety, fostering inner peace amidst life's demands. Seeking help to reintegrate the mind-body connection can be done through working with a somatic therapist.

7 Mindfulness Basics to Bring Into Your Intimate Relationships

The practice of mindfulness is rooted in Buddhist teachings, as well as recognized in other indigenous and Eastern traditions. Applied to our busy lives, practicing Mindfulness means we are able to dwell in a state of noticing and acceptance with compassion before acting or reacting. Jon-Kabat Zinn, who has been researching mindfulness through meditation since the 1970s, explains how Mindfulness practices can get us out of a Me-focused state of mind by cultivating an “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgementally.”  Mindfulness practices literally change the way electrical energy in the brain fires! Over time and with practice, Mindfulness practice can improve focus, self-awareness, memory, compassion, immune function, anxiety and depression. 

How does Mindfulness Apply to Intimate Relationships?

Health and wellness is a relational issue, and relationships have a significant impact on our health and wellness. It’s no surprise then that research is mounting in recent years in support of relationship mindfulness. Mindfulness has been studied as a way to increase overall health, increase empathy, improve sexual intimacy, reduce conflict, and even regulate cortisol levels among couples. Relationship mindfulness can help couples reign in conflict before getting out of control, decrease anxiety that comes with sexual intimacy, and help partners implement the common desire for more intention in their relationships.

If you’ve been in relationship with anyone for any significant amount of time - including family, friendships, and lovers - you might know what it is like to get to a place where action and reaction becomes the go-to response in conflict, or even the busy day-to-day routines. If you have been feeling un-noticed, un-seen, disconnected and misunderstood (or if your partner has expressed these feelings), relationship mindfulness may be the refresh you and your partners need.

7 Relationship Mindfulness Basics

Relationship mindfulness can be a formal activity, like taking a yoga or meditation class together. It can also be sprinkled into any informal activity you do with partners. Whenever you want to apply Mindfulness to relationships, there are a few things to keep in mind and activity suggestions to help you practice with intention and, hopefully, JOY!

1. Practice relationship mindfulness with specific intention

Practice makes perfect and Mindfulness takes practice! Use the suggested activities below and keep your Mindfulness Practice sacred by leaving out high-conflict issues. Hopefully, you quickly get to a place where those issues can be mindfully addressed, but make your beginner practice time enjoyable and nourishing of your relationship. We suggest putting unresolvable topics that may come up during practice into the “parking lot”, which may be a notebook or phone notes that you bring with you to a therapy session at Embrace Sexual Wellness.

2. Pay attention with all of your senses

Notice what comes up for you in your thoughts or your body during relationship mindfulness practice. Pay attention to the body language and tone of your partner. Notice what feels good and say it out loud, or simply describe what you sense about your environment. Maybe any one small statement can become an exploration together. For example, you might take a bite and say “This bite tasted sweet,” and end up deconstructing flavors with your partners, talking about the best desserts you’ve ever had, and planning your next adventure to the new cupcake shop in your town! 

Not everything we notice feels good. See if you can sit with discomfort when it arises, and share it with your partner if that feels safe. If conflict arises that feels too big, put it in the parking lot, take a small break, and refocus your attention on what you see, smell, taste, hear, and feel. Prioritize your comfort and that of your partner during this activity.

3. Be curious, not judgy

Share and listen to the observations that you and your partner are sensing without judgement. Try to see your experiences and thoughts through a lens of curiosity, like you might do with a stranger who is not familiar with anything in your world. Investigate your partners’ observations with care and compassion. When self-criticisms arise, recognize that they are a part of a complex construct of messaging you have been receiving for a very long time, and then with acceptance and compassion, be curious even for yourself. In these moments with your partner, you are not your body, or your mind. You are in a relationship that deserves kindness and nourishment. Be forgiving if your intentional relationship mindfulness practice is disrupted by conflict. It is normal and perfectly fine to rest and try again another time.

4. Be present in the journey, not the destination

Have you ever said, “I don’t need you to solve my problem! I just want to vent.”? Release the burden of solving problems and ask your partner questions that help them further explore. If you find your partner trying to solve your problems, you can express gratitude for their concern, or use it as a point of curiosity to find out more about them! (i.e. “that’s an interesting idea, what made you think of it?”).

5. Slow down and breathe between thoughts

Before you answer a question, take a breath. If your partner is pausing, give them all the time they need to form thoughts. Silence is a perfect alternative to talking. We all process differently and some of us need time to think through or we begin to feel anxious and say things that are inauthentic. Be confident in your partner’s ability to be accountable for their own communication when given the space to do so, and in the meantime, breathe and notice what is going on in your own body.

6. Connect with your partner physically

Brittany Jakubiek, author of several studies on touch during couple conflict says that “touching reminds couples that they are on the same team.” Jakubiek found that touch reduces stress and conflict behaviors between couples. Although this is not specifically mindfulness practice, consensual touching is a valid method of communication between partners.

7. Plan a low conflict activity

Not every activity on our list will feel like the right fit for you with your partner, and there are infinite ways to create a mindful experience together. Depending on where you are at in your partnership, discuss what feels safe and enjoyable for both of you. Start small and time-limited if you are often in high conflict, and work with a therapist to navigate parking lot issues.

• Share a meal at a new place. Talk about the flavors, texture, and presentation of the food. Notice the aromas, colors, and atmosphere of the environment. People watch, describing body language and co-creating stories of the people you see.

• Take a bath together. Discuss boundaries ahead of time regarding sexual intimacy. Focus on the sensations of water, and use bath oils or bath bombs to add sensation.

• Walk with each other. Walking is proven to reduce anxiety, and walking outdoors has been shown to increase the meditative state. High-conflict couples may benefit from just walking without discussion as a way to share space. Couples could also use walking to hold more challenging conversations, paying attention to anxious feelings in the body and walking through the discomfort before reacting to it.

• Spoon-Breathing. Even as infants laying on our caretakers’ chests, our physiological systems respond to the rhythm of another person’s heartbeat and breath with synchronicity. In early days of dating, many couples find themselves laying side-by-side and co-regulating their breath. Spooning, foreheads touching, or laying back-to-back, relax enough to sync-up your breath for as long as it’s comfortable, feeling your partner’s body and energy alongside yours.

• Sensation play (sexual and non-sexual). Using props with different textures (think feathers, chains, ice, hot wax, fingertips, etc.) ask your partner for consent to touch where it feels pleasurable and safe. Pay attention to their reactions, ask exploratory questions, and check-in with how they are feeling. When it’s your turn to be touched, focus on the sensation of touch and communicate for more or less as desired. Negotiate clothing, sexual intention, and off-limit areas of the body before beginning play. This activity does not imply sexual intimacy and should be consensual the entire time.

Consider these mindfulness tips to help you generate more presence in your intimate relationships! If you need additional support in getting started, Embrace Sexual Wellness can help!

4 Ways to Feel at Home in Your Body as a Queer Person

It’s no secret that navigating the world as a queer person can be a messy, challenging process. Systems of oppression such as homophobia, fatphobia, racism, transphobia, and misogyny, among others, constantly tell marginalized people that their existence is incorrect, not least of all their physical form. Additionally, capitalism thrives on solving issues that it convinces you that you have. With all of this combined, it’s even tougher for queer people than most to feel at home in their bodies. This is in no way the fault of the individual, and yet the individual is the only one who can ultimately change the reality of their attitude. That’s not to downplay the difficulty of the task and hopefully this article can help guide you as you endeavor to feel more at peace in your own skin. 

Surround yourself with supportive people (and media) 

Your environment, both in person and online, directly affects your mental wellbeing. If you spend every day around people or following people on social media who espouse hateful rhetoric that makes you feel worse about yourself, that is not someone who should be part of your life if you have the choice. Of course, it might not always be a choice, such as if you still live with/depend on someone who makes you feel worse about your body. In that instance, try to spend as much time as possible with people who are a positive influence, whether that means finding them through an activity of mutual interest for example or perhaps

Intentionally connect with your body through meditation

Meditation and physical activity both require an intentional awareness of the body which can, in turn, make you feel more in control and more in tune with your body. A popular meditative practice is a body scan meditation. Insight Timer has an LGBTQ+ specific 5 minute body scan meditation.  

Start with body neutrality instead of body positivity 

There’s no one correct way to exist in your body. Body positivity works for some people and that’s great; for others, though, it’s a daunting prospect to go from body dysmorphia or hatred to the polar opposite. Body neutrality is a “philosophy of embodiment that sought to shift focus away from how our bodies look and toward how they can make us feel good.” In other words, instead of focusing on loving our physical form as opposed to hating it, the focus is shifted away from aesthetics entirely and towards the amazing things your body allows you to do.

Work on somatic/embodiment therapy with a queer affirming provider 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by trying to improve your relationship with your body, you might consider seeking out somatic therapy under the guidance of a queer affirming provider. Somatic therapy is “a form of body-centered therapy that looks at the connection of mind and body… In addition to talk therapy, somatic therapy practitioners use… physical techniques to help release the pent-up tension that negatively affects a patient’s physical and emotional wellbeing.” This type of therapy can take many different forms so it might take some searching to find the right therapist for you. For guidance on finding a specifically queer affirming provider, check out this article.

Journeying to feel at home in your body is no easy task and you should take a moment to appreciate yourself and the hard work that you’re doing. This journey has no final destination and will likely last a lifetime but with the right community and tools, finding bodily peace is not beyond reach.