Sexual Wellness

5 Somatic Techniques for Self-Soothing

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

In the hustle and bustle of modern life, finding moments of tranquility can seem like a challenge. Amidst the chaos, people utilize somatic techniques to approach healing and self-soothing. These practices delve into the intricate connection between the mind and body, offering a pathway to release tension, ease anxiety, and nurture inner peace. In this blog, we'll explore somatic techniques, how they can be practiced for self-soothing, and their effectiveness in promoting nervous system relief.

What is Somatic Healing?

Somatic healing is an integrative approach that recognizes the interconnectedness of the body and mind in processing emotions and experiences. Unlike traditional talk therapy, somatic therapy focuses on bodily sensations, movements, and postures to address underlying issues contributing to stress, anxiety, and trauma. By engaging the body's wisdom, somatic techniques facilitate the release of pent-up emotions stored within the nervous system, paving the way for profound healing and self-awareness.

5 Somatic Therapy Techniques to Try

1. Deep Breathing

Begin by finding a comfortable seated or lying position. Close your eyes and take slow, deep breaths, allowing your belly to expand with each inhale and contract with each exhale. Focus your awareness on the sensation of the breath entering and leaving your body. This simple yet powerful technique activates the parasympathetic nervous system, promoting relaxation and reducing stress.

2. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

Find a quiet space where you can lie down comfortably. Starting from your toes, tense each muscle group in your body for 5-10 seconds, then release and relax completely. Work your way up through your legs, abdomen, chest, arms, and neck, paying attention to any areas of tension. Progressive muscle relaxation helps to relieve physical tension and promotes a sense of calmness throughout the body.

3. Body Scans

Sit or lie down in a comfortable position, allowing your body to settle into a relaxed state. Bring your attention to different parts of your body, starting from the top of your head and moving down to your toes. Notice any sensations, tension, or discomfort without judgment, simply allowing them to be present. Body scans cultivate mindfulness and promote self-awareness, helping to dissipate stress and anxiety.

4. Grounding Techniques

Find a stable surface to sit or stand on, such as the floor or solid ground. Take a moment to notice the sensation of your feet making contact with the surface beneath you. Imagine roots extending from the soles of your feet, anchoring you to the earth below. Take slow, deep breaths as you visualize yourself grounded and supported by the earth's energy. Grounding techniques help to stabilize the nervous system and promote a sense of security and stability.

5. Gentle Movement

Engage in gentle movement practices such as yoga, tai chi, or qigong to reconnect with your body and breath. Focus on slow, deliberate movements coordinated with your breath, allowing tension to melt away with each mindful gesture. Gentle movement practices enhance body awareness, promote flexibility, and facilitate the flow of energy throughout the body, supporting nervous system relief and self-soothing.

Effectiveness of Somatic Techniques for Self-Soothing

Somatic techniques offer a holistic approach to self-soothing by addressing both the physical and emotional components of stress and anxiety. By tuning into bodily sensations and utilizing breath, movement, and mindfulness, these practices help to regulate the nervous system, promote relaxation, and cultivate a sense of inner calm. Whether it's through deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, body scans, grounding techniques, or gentle movement practices, somatic techniques effectively empower individuals experiencing PTSD-like symptoms to tap into their innate capacity for healing and self-awareness. A 2021 study suggests that engaging in these somatic techniques is effective for both traumatized and non-traumatized populations. Their effectiveness with other specific disorders and symptom sets are promising but currently being studied.

What is the Most Effective Somatic Technique?

The effectiveness of somatic techniques varies from person to person, as each individual may resonate differently with specific practices. In my experience with clients, they report that the five techniques described above are particularly helpful with stress or anxiety responses in the body. Deep breathing is a great option if you are in public as it tends to be more accessible and discreet. Progressive muscle relaxation can be helpful when you are feeling tight or clenching muscles or when you are having difficulty falling asleep. Body scans are a great way to start your day as it reinforces the mind-body connection before going about your routine. Grounding techniques seem to be most effective with clients that feel stuck in rumination and want to feel more connected to reality. If engaging in the techniques outlined above prove difficult or there is a feeling of disconnection from your body, somatic-based psychotherapy can help people reintegrate the mind-body connection.

TLDR

Somatic techniques offer a practical pathway to self-soothing and nervous system relief by leveraging the body's innate wisdom. Deep breathing, muscle relaxation, body awareness, grounding, and gentle movement practices provide accessible tools for managing stress and anxiety, fostering inner peace amidst life's demands. Seeking help to reintegrate the mind-body connection can be done through working with a somatic therapist.

Things to Know If Your Partner Is Asexual (And You Aren’t)

Asexuality is often a misunderstood sexual orientation. An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction. This does not necessarily mean they do not have sex or do not want a romantic relationship. Asexuality is a spectrum, so some asexual people still have sex for reasons other than attraction, such as enjoying the attention, while others are sex averse and do not want to engage in any form of sex. Distinct from asexuality, aromantic people do not experience romantic attraction or desire. Sometimes asexual people are also aromantic, but not always. Asexual people who do want a romantic relationship may be wary of becoming involved with an allosexual (someone who does experience sexual attraction) due to the mismatch in sexual needs. This article will discuss how to make a mixed-orientation relationship work, because it is possible! 

How to make a relationship work if your partner is asexual (and you aren’t)

Seek mutual understanding

When there is a discrepancy in wants, needs, and experiences between partners, it is important to have an open and honest dialogue about each others’ experiences. For the allosexual partner, understand that asexuality is not a personal jab, nor a choice. For the asexual partner, understand that whether or not sex is an important facet of feeling fulfilled for you, it may be for your partner. Just because someone is asexual does not mean that they never have sex. Being on the same page regarding willingness to have sex is important. If they do not want sex at all though, there are still ways to work with that.  

Address unmet needs

Finding alternative ways to meet needs for intimacy and affection will look different in every relationship dynamic so do not be afraid to experiment. Some options are cuddling, making out, and sensual massages as alternative physical intimacy activities. Additionally, prioritizing activities that both partners find fulfilling outside physical intimacy can strengthen the emotional bond and intimacy. Another option is to consider opening up the relationship. If one partner wants more sex than the other, that need can be outsourced so everyone’s boundaries and needs are being respected. However, non-monogamy is not for everyone so make sure you do your research and talk about the pros and cons before diving in. That being said, for some, it is a way to honor each partner’s needs while preserving the relationship. In any relationship, it is crucial to address unmet needs to avoid resentment or incompatibility which starts with clear communication. This does not always come naturally to everyone and if this is the case, sex therapy can help.  

Try sex therapy

Sex therapy is a valuable resource for mixed-orientation relationships. Sex therapists are professionally trained to help people navigate sexual concerns and improve communication, which is exactly what this sort of situation requires. In sex therapy, partners can explore alternative forms of physical intimacy and develop strategies for addressing sexual discrepancies in a supportive environment. Sex therapists can also provide education about asexuality and help partners understand one another’s perspectives more deeply.

Takeaway

Mixed-orientation relationships are absolutely possible to navigate with patience, understanding, and open communication. Asexuality, as a spectrum, encompasses a variety of experiences and it is essential for both partners to respect and validate each others’ identities and needs. By communicating, addressing unmet needs, and considering sex therapy, the relationship has the best odds of honoring everyone’s needs.  

Additional Resources

How to Figure Out What You Actually Enjoy During Sex

The first step to having satisfying sex is to understand what you enjoy. It is difficult for a partner to facilitate pleasure without any direction. Many people are uncertain of what they like or want for a variety of reasons. Cultural stigma and sexual shame can exacerbate this knowledge gap. So how do you figure out what you like in the bedroom? In this article, we’ll highlight how to better understand your own pleasure and offer reflection questions to guide your exploration.  

Practical Tips for Learning What You Like in Bed

Read and watch erotica

Erotica” is any sexually explicit literary or artistic work. It can be a great tool for exploring sexual interests alone or with a partner/partners. Erotica can include books, short stories, audio clips, drawings and more. Exploring erotica and taking note of what excites you will give you more information about what you may or may not enjoy during sex. 

Explore your body and masturbation

Before bringing a partner into the mix, try intentionally touching and exploring your own body. This should go beyond just your genitals, although that can be important too. Try different types of touch like gentle versus firmer pressure. Let go of your assumptions of what you are “supposed” to like and explore freely. You can also try different types of masturbation, like acute versus broad stimulation, experimenting with sex toys, and varying your position like sitting versus lying down. 

Experiment with a trusted partner

The best way to learn what you enjoy during partnered sex is to try it out with a partner. Make sure you choose a partner who you can talk to about your curiosity, hesitations, and uncertainty. When you broach the subject, make sure to choose a time when they are in a headspace to talk about it and offer them time to think about it. If you decide to proceed, establish explicit expectations and a safe word. Afterwards, when you are ready, talk about how it went and whether or not you want to do it again.    

Reflection Questions

Understanding your feelings about sex may also help you better understand your desires. Here are some questions to guide your reflection so you can better understand what you want during sex: 

  • Are there parts of your body where you particularly enjoy being stimulated

  • Are there parts of your body that you do not want a partner to touch?

  • How do you feel about integrating sex toys or props into your sex life?

  • Do you have sexual trauma that needs to be taken into account?

  • Do you like dirty talk?

  • Do you want to take the lead or do you want to be led? 

  • How much stimulation do you want to receive versus give?

  • How do you want sex to make you feel? Do you want to feel loved, sexy, powerful, degraded, and/or something else? 

  • What type of genital stimulation do you prefer? 

  • Do you want to be penetrated?

  • What kind of sexual aftercare is important to you?

Takeaway

Knowing what you enjoy in bed is important for directing partners and maximizing your satisfaction. With techniques like self-exploration and reflection, you can hopefully figure out what works best for you. Factors like sexual trauma and shame can contribute to being unsure of your preferences. If you are experiencing roadblocks that are preventing you from learning your sexual desires, consider reaching out to a sex therapist.