Questions to Ask a Sex Therapist Before Your First Appointment

Sex therapy is “a type of psychotherapy specifically meant to ad sexual function, sexual feelings and intimacy, amongst other romantic and sexuality related concerns.” There are a multitude of reasons to see a sex therapist and if you think sex therapy might be right for you, let’s talk about actually finding a sex therapist.

Vetting Questions

If it’s accessible to you, don’t be afraid to set up consultations with several professionals to compare their styles and compatibility. The consultation is an opportunity to learn more about the therapist, their expertise, and whether you feel comfortable with them. Here are some specific questions to guide that conversation.

1) What is your area of expertise? 

Like any branch of therapy, sex therapists have a variety of specialties including, but not limited to couples therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and sexual abuse therapy.

2) What approaches to sex therapy do you use? 

Relating to the previous point, sex therapists have subject specialties (like sexual abuse), as well as approach specialities (like cognitive behavioral therapy). It’s important to ask about both in order to get a full picture of the therapist’s ethos.

3) What happens during a typical session? 

It’s important to know that sex therapy does not include physical intimacy with the therapist. Different therapists will organize sessions differently, though most operate in a talk-therapy format. Some will have a more structured approach, while others leave room for open ended sessions.

Resources for finding a therapist

• Referral Directory | AASECT:: American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists

• Find a Therapist - Society for Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR)

• Best Online Sex Therapy Programs of 2023

If you’re located in Chicago or the state of Illinois, reach out to Embrace Sexual Wellness to see if one of our therapists would be a good fit for you! 

4 Tips for Introducing A New Name and Pronouns, from a Sexuality Educator

For some transgender and non-binary people, part of the coming out process includes letting your community know about a new name and/or pronouns. This can be a stressful proposition even for those in the most accepting environments so hopefully this guide will help you feel a bit more confident in your disclosure.

1) Assess whether it is safe to come out

• In a perfect world, everyone would be able to be called whatever makes them feel the most comfortable without alienation or abuse from those around them, but unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world. Before deciding to come out, it would be wise to assess whether or not that’s a safe decision for you right now. It is painful to stay closeted, but being out is not worth trading your safety and mental wellbeing. If you aren’t sure whether or not it’s safe, perhaps try bringing up transgender people and pronouns in the abstract to gauge a reaction. 

• When dealing specifically with the workplace, despite the fact that in June 2020 the Supreme Court decided that “federal law prohibits anti-transgender discrimination in employment,” it’s important to keep in mind that that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll be safe, especially when it comes to workplace harassment from coworkers. Illegal doesn’t mean impossible, unfortunately, and it’s important to keep your wellbeing in mind, not just your physical safety.

2) Practice with a trusted friend 

• If you’re fortunate to have someone you already know is accepting of transgender people in your life, try using them as a practice partner! An added bonus is practice with someone who knows the people you plan to come out to so they can give advice specific to those circumstances.

3) Express yourself clearly and simply

• There is still a deficit of understanding when it comes to using new names and pronouns so it would be wise to keep it as simple as possible. A sample script of what you might say is: “I identify as (gender) and as a result, I no longer feel that my name and/or pronouns suit me, so I’m now going by (name/pronouns. I understand it might be a difficult transition for you to call me this, but I would appreciate if you would try. If you still have questions, I’d be happy to share some resources with you.”  

4) Be ready to provide resources for further understanding

• Though the burden should not be on you to do so, you might have an easier time both with anxiety and the conversation itself if you feel prepared with research and additional reading for them to understand what you’re conveying to them.

  • Recommended Resources to share :

    1. Why We Ask Each Other Our Pronouns - Human Rights Campaign

    2. A Guide to Understanding Gender Identity and Pronouns

    3. Making a name for yourself: For trans people, it's 'life-changing'

    4. What Is Deadnaming and Why Is It Harmful?

    5. What are Gender Pronouns? Why Do They Matter?

    6. On The Importance Of Names

If you’re struggling to figure out whether or not coming out with a new name and/or pronouns is a good idea, or how to go about it, you might consider talking to a sex therapist like the ones at Embrace Sexual Wellness. This might be a challenge, but you don’t have to do it alone.

3 Tips for Disclosing Your HIV/AIDS Status to a Partner

December 1st 1988 was the first ever World AIDS Day. Today marks the 33 year anniversary of this observance, and yet the stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS remains present as ever. This stigma fuels a shame-based culture in which it becomes difficult for people with HIV/AIDS to disclose their status without fear of retribution. That being said, it is ethically important to inform sexual and/or romantic partners of pertinent medical information that has the potential to affect them. This applies to HIV/AIDS among other sexually transmitted infections and any contagious conditions. Without everyone being on the same page about everyone’s health status, it’s difficult to ensure proper safety precautions are being taken and that everyone’s boundaries are being respected. In addition to moral implications of disclosure, 35 states have laws that criminalize neglecting to disclose HIV/AIDS status with sexual partners and/or anyone sharing needles. It is undoubtedly important to disclose, but the prospect of doing so can be intimidating for fear of rejection, violence, and judgment from the listening party. Here are some ways to make that conversation as easy as possible when disclosing your status to your partner(s).

Source: https://news.delaware.gov/2018/11/30/delaware-events-mark-world-aids-day-dec-1-2018/

1. Be specific and straightforward

• Make sure to disclose the status of the infection including what it is, the definition of the condition, and what, if anything, you need from the other person in terms of support

• If it would be helpful, you can disclose with the help of your doctor or therapist 

2. Plan ahead for all possible reactions

• Make sure you have support systems and coping mechanisms in place to navigate the possibility of an adverse reaction

• Speak to a therapist and/or have the disclosure discussion with a counselor or therapist

• Respect the needs of the recipient for their processing of the news

• While you should respect the needs of the other person, make sure you know what you need in terms of emotional regulation and allow yourself the grace to feel negative emotions if they come up 

3. Come prepared with educational and safety resources about the relevant health status

• When discussing a condition with a risk of transmission, one of the first concerns that comes to mind is the health and safety of everyone involved. A good way to navigate the fear is to make sure everyone involved in the conversation has the resources and support they need.

  • Resources for someone living with HIV/AIDS

    • Ryan White HIV/AIDS Program

      “The Ryan White HIV/AIDS Program works with cities, states, and local community-based organizations. The Program provides primary medical care and essential support services to more than half a million people each year. Through the Program, people living with HIV who have no insurance or are underinsured can get the HIV medical care and other support services they need.” 

    • CDC “Sharing Your Test Result” 

    • Send an anonymous STD test notification to sexual partners 
      This is a good option to inform casual or past partners, but in a serious relationship, it’s probably better to discuss it in person to navigate the implications for the relationship

  • Resources for someone who has a loved one living with HIV/AIDS  

    • CDC HIV prevention tips  

    • Living with an HIV Positive Partner (Flo Health)

    • AIDS | Definition, Diagnosis, Treatment, & Facts

Living with any chronic illness like HIV/AIDS is difficult in many ways, disclosure being just one of them. Hopefully these resources prove helpful in easing the process. Regarding HIV/AIDS specifically, though there’s no cure, a diagnosis is not the end of the world. It can be managed with medication such as antiretroviral therapies and safer sex practices. Disclosing your status to the people in your life not only keeps them informed of any potential implications for their health, but they can also be a shoulder to lean on.