Sex Therapy

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What is Purity Culture and How Can It Affect Your Sex Life?

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Purity culture is an American evangelical Christian ideology that encourages people, especially teenagers, to pledge sexual abstinence before marriage. Its core tenets revolve around abstinence, rigid gender roles, heteronormativity, and the strict regulation of perceived “sinful” behaviors. Purity culture entered the zeitgeist in the late 1990s, manifesting in events like father-daughter purity balls, products like purity pledges and purity rings, and government-funded abstinence education in schools. Purity culture perpetuates messaging that sex is shameful, queerness is wrong and sinful, and that our bodies cannot be trusted because they make us want things we should not want like premarital sex. Under purity culture, young women in particular are burdened with the expectation that they need to police their bodies and behaviors so as not to tempt young men. Though purity culture began as a religious movement, it has had a lasting negative impact on societal attitudes towards sex. The lack of comprehensive sex education paired with strict expectations surrounding sex can result in challenges related to sexual expression, communication, and sexual shame.

Is Purity Culture harmful?

Purity culture imposes strict boundaries on sexual expression, prescribing a narrow view of acceptable behaviors. According to purity culture, sex before marriage is a sin, expressing sexuality makes someone damaged, women must be submissive to men, women are responsible for the behavior of men, and porn is evil. These messages are more than incorrect, they are traumatizing. People raised within this framework may feel conflicted or guilty about exploring their sexuality which limits the ability to have a healthy and autonomous sex life. This ability is further limited by a lack of comprehensive sex education.

How does purity culture affect your sex life as an adult?

Since purity culture emphasizes abstinence-only education, many people lack the tools and knowledge to practice consensual safer sex. This is a disservice to women in particular, especially in conjunction with the messaging that a woman’s body belongs to her father and then her husband. When someone believes that they do not own their body and their sex education is lacking, it leaves them vulnerable to sexual assault. Beyond this though, insufficient sex education is a disservice to people of every gender. In addition to sexual assault, it can lead to heightened rates of STD transmission and accidental pregnancies. Abstinence-only education is both ineffective and actively harmful; everyone deserves the opportunity to make informed decisions about their body and sex life.

The emphasis on abstinence and avoidance of discussions about sex within purity culture creates communication barriers. Communication is a vital part of a healthy sexual dynamic so when people do not have the communication tools to express desires, concerns, and boundaries, it can only lead to trouble. A lack of communication can lead to misunderstandings, boundaries being violated, and unsatisfying sex. Overcoming these barriers involves dismantling ingrained stigmas and beliefs about sex. The resources below can help begin the unlearning and reeducating process required to reclaim your body and sex life.                               

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Takeaway

To be clear, there is nothing wrong with voluntarily abstaining from premarital sex, but it should be an intentional choice, not something you are shamed into doing. Unlearning a lifetime of purity culture messaging is no small feat, but it is possible to reclaim your body and sex life. You deserve to trust your body and to feel at home in it. Through self-reflection and re-educating yourself, you can begin liberating yourself. If you need extra help doing so, consider seeking professional help from a sex therapist.

What to Expect from Sex Therapy and How to know if it's working

Sex therapy is a valuable resource for individuals and couples looking to improve their sexual well-being, address concerns, and enhance their overall quality of life. However, questions often arise about its effectiveness and how to determine if sex therapy is making a positive impact. In this blog post, we'll explore the key aspects of sex therapy, including its effectiveness, common techniques, the therapy process, and when you should consider seeking a sex therapist. By the end, you'll have a better understanding of how to recognize that sex therapy is working for you.

Does Sex Therapy Work?

Before delving into the ways to know if sex therapy is working, it's important to address the fundamental question, does sex therapy work? The short answer is yes, sex therapy can be highly effective in addressing a wide range of sexual concerns. Whether you're struggling with sexual dysfunction, communication issues, or simply seeking to improve your sexual experiences, sex therapy can offer valuable support.

When Should I See a Sex Therapist?

You may benefit from seeing a sex therapist if you are experiencing or have experienced any of the following:

What to Expect During Sex Therapy

The sex therapy process can vary, but it typically involves several stages including assessment, goal setting, intervention, homework and self-practice, progress review, and closure and maintenance.

Assessment

The therapist conducts an initial assessment to understand your concerns, goals, and background. This helps tailor the therapy to your specific needs. They’ll be interested in how long you have been experiencing that which you are concerned about and the ways in which it is impacting your daily functioning. Also, there is often an exploration of sexual scripts (e.g., what we believe about sex and where we learned it).

Goal Setting 

You and the therapist work together to set specific goals for therapy, which provides a clear direction for your sessions. Many therapists have different approaches to the goal setting process. Goals can range from addressing the sexual concerns explicitly to exploring and processing the impact of life events that may be informing the concern.

Intervention

Therapy sessions may include various techniques and exercises to address your concerns and work towards your goals. For example, communication exercises encourage open dialogue about desires and concerns. Education and psychoeducation offer accurate information about sexual functioning. Sensate focus exercises promote sensual exploration without an agenda. Cognitive-behavioral therapy targets negative thought patterns and behaviors, while mindfulness and relaxation techniques alleviate performance anxiety and enhance overall sexual experiences. These interventions are adapted to individual or couple needs, aiming to improve sexual satisfaction and promote healthy relationships.

Homework and Self-Practice

You and your partner may receive assignments to complete between sessions, fostering personal growth and progress. These activities are designed to help you actively work toward your goals. This is where much of the growth and progress occurs, when you use what you’re learning through therapy to bring about change in your life. It’s important to acknowledge that people tend to vary on their pace of therapy as well.

Progress Review

Periodically, you and your therapist will review your progress, adjust goals, and fine-tune the therapeutic approach as needed. These are often referred to as progress check-ins. It provides opportunities for the therapist and client to lean into the therapeutic relationship by discussing progress, offering feedback, and highlighting strengths. In some cases, clients can shift into closure or maintenance while others collaborate with their therapist to create new therapeutic goals, if desired.

Closure and Maintenance

Once your goals are met, therapy can conclude with strategies to maintain your progress and address any potential future concerns. This can look like adjusting the frequency of therapy sessions. These “maintenance” sessions are meant to help clients transition out of therapy while continuing to engage with the changes they created during the course of therapy.

Basic Sex Therapy Techniques

Sex therapists employ a variety of techniques to address their clients' needs.

  • Education. Sex therapists often provide education about sexual health, anatomy, and the nature of sexual issues. Understanding the fundamentals can help demystify the challenges you face.

  • Communication Skills. Therapists teach couples effective communication skills to express their desires, concerns, and boundaries in a non-confrontational manner.

  • Behavioral Techniques. Behavioral techniques may involve exercises, assignments, or sensate focus exercises to help you and your partner become more attuned to each other's bodies and desires.

  • Cognitive-Behavioral Exercises. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT is a valuable approach for addressing psychological factors contributing to sexual concerns. It helps reframe negative thought patterns and beliefs.

  • Sensory Awareness. Exploring sensory awareness can help individuals and couples become more in tune with their bodies and sensations, leading to enhanced sexual experiences.

How to Know if Sex Therapy is Helping

Your Communication Improves

Effective communication is the cornerstone of a healthy sexual relationship. One of the first signs that sex therapy is working is enhanced communication between you and your partner. You'll find it easier to discuss your desires, concerns, and boundaries, leading to a more fulfilling sexual connection.

Your Comfort and Confidence Increases

Sex therapy often involves building self-confidence and self-acceptance. As you progress through therapy, you'll likely notice an increase in your comfort level, which can lead to a more satisfying sex life.

Your Sexual Dysfunction is Resolved

If you sought therapy for issues like erectile dysfunction, sexual pain, or low libido, progress is evident when you see tangible improvements in these areas. The ability to sustain an erection, reduce pain, or experience an increase in sexual desire are all positive indicators.

You Experience Greater Sexual Satisfaction

Ultimately, the goal of sex therapy is to enhance your sexual satisfaction. Positive results are visible when you and your partner report higher levels of fulfillment and enjoyment in your sexual experiences.

Takeaway

Sex therapy is a valuable service for addressing sexual concerns and improving your overall quality of life. Recognizing that sex therapy is working involves improvements in communication, comfort, and sexual satisfaction. If you're experiencing sexual issues or are simply looking to enhance your sexual well-being, don’t hesitate to seek the guidance of a qualified sex therapist. It can be the first step toward a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life.

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

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Am I Addicted to Sex, or are my Sexual Behaviors Out-of-Control? What’s the Difference?

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Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

Sexual behavior is a complex and multifaceted aspect of human experience that can vary significantly from person to person. When it comes to understanding and addressing problematic sexual behaviors, professionals use different models to conceptualize and treat these issues. Two commonly used models include the sex addiction model and the out-of-control sexual behavior model. This article will explore the key differences between these two models and clarify their unique approaches and perspectives.

Exploring the Sex Addiction Model

The sex addiction model is based on the belief that problematic sexual behaviors are akin to addiction, with individuals engaging in compulsive and out-of-control sexual behaviors despite adverse consequences. This model views problematic sexual behaviors as an addiction, with individuals exhibiting similar behavior patterns to those seen in substance addiction. It often focuses on the belief that individuals lack control over their sexual behaviors and engage in them to cope with emotional distress or other underlying issues.

The sex addiction model typically involves a 12-step program or similar approach adapted from addiction recovery models. It may include abstinence from certain sexual behaviors, as well as attending support groups, therapy, and working on relapse prevention strategies. Treatment may also involve addressing underlying psychological, emotional, or relational issues that may contribute to the addictive patterns of sexual behavior.

Exploring the Out-of-Control Sexual Behavior Model

The out-of-control sexual behavior model, on the other hand, views problematic sexual behaviors as a symptom of an underlying issue rather than an addiction. This model emphasizes the lack of impulse control or difficulties regulating sexual behavior but does not necessarily categorize it as an addiction. It views problematic sexual behaviors as a coping mechanism for unmet emotional needs, unresolved trauma, or other underlying psychological, emotional, or relational issues.

The out-of-control sexual behavior model typically involves a therapeutic approach that addresses the underlying issues contributing to problematic sexual behaviors. This may include exploring and resolving past traumas, developing healthy coping skills, improving emotional regulation, and managing relational dynamics that may impact sexual behaviors. It may also involve discussing and challenging unhealthy beliefs or patterns of thinking related to sexuality and relationships.

What are key differences between these two models?

1. Conceptualization of Problematic Sexual Behaviors

The sex addiction model views problematic sexual behaviors as an addiction, with individuals lacking control and engaging in compulsive behaviors despite negative consequences. The out-of-control sexual behavior model, on the other hand, considers problematic sexual behaviors as a symptom of an underlying issue, such as emotional distress or unresolved trauma.

2. Approach to Treatment

The sex addiction model often involves a 12-step or similar program focusing on abstinence from certain sexual behaviors and recovery strategies adapted from addiction recovery. The out-of-control sexual behavior model addresses underlying psychological, emotional, or relational issues that contribute to problematic sexual behaviors; this approach involves developing healthy coping skills in therapy. Both approaches are informed by the conceptualization of the behavior by both the client and the therapist.

3. Language and Terminology

The sex addiction model uses language and terminology commonly associated with addiction, such as "addiction," "compulsion," and "relapse." The out-of-control sexual behavior model uses language that reflects a lack of impulse control or difficulties regulating sexual behavior without necessarily categorizing it as an addiction.

4. Emphasis on Underlying Issues

The sex addiction model views the behavior as the problem with limited exploration of other potential underlying issues. Essentially, it’s approached by working to eliminate the behavior, and then other problems will resolve themselves once you can control your sexual addiction. The out-of-control sexual behavior model significantly addresses the underlying psychological, cognitive, emotional, and relational issues that may contribute to problematic sexual behaviors. This may involve exploring past traumas, addressing emotional regulation skills, working on relational dynamics, and challenging unhealthy beliefs or patterns of thinking related to sexuality and relationships. Contrary to the sex addiction model, this model suggests that the behavior developed as a coping strategy for the other underlying issues at play but that the behavior itself may not be problematic in isolation.

Takeaway

When addressing problematic sexual behaviors, it's essential to recognize that professionals use different models and approaches. The sex addiction model and the out-of-control sexual behavior model are two common perspectives, each with unique conceptualizations and treatment approaches. It's essential to understand the differences between these models to decide which approach may be more suitable for an individual's needs.

If you're wrestling with problematic sexual behaviors, seeking professional help from a qualified therapist or counselor is essential. A trained professional can conduct a thorough assessment, understand the unique factors contributing to the issue, and develop a tailored treatment plan based on the individual's needs and circumstances. Whether it's the sex addiction or the out-of-control sexual behavior model, therapy aims to provide support, guidance, and tools to help individuals address the underlying issues and develop healthy coping strategies for managing their sexual behaviors.

Not everyone agrees on the concept of sex addiction, and there is an ongoing debate within the field of psychology regarding its validity as a diagnostic category. Some professionals may align more with the out-of-control sexual behavior model, the sex addiction model, or alternative approaches. It's essential to approach this topic openly and discuss any questions or concerns with a qualified therapist or counselor before beginning treatment.

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