How to Respond If Your Child Takes Off Their Clothes in Public

There are many wonderful things about having kids but one of the most challenging among them is their seemingly random urge to strip down regardless of context. At the wrong time, this can be incredibly inconvenient, but rest assured that it’s normal behavior. Children don’t yet have a full understand of societal norms; all they know is that they want their clothes off their bodies. While adults may understand that stripping down in the middle of a cafe isn’t appropriate, children may not. The only way to curb the issue is to first understand the root cause. This will vary from child to child, of course, but some of the most common reasons are sensory discomfort, dealing with overwhelming emotions, and getting attention. When addressing the issue, you should not only strive to teach them why taking off their clothing in certain contexts is inappropriate, but also how to productively address their needs in alternate ways. To you, it may be an inconvenience, but for your child it may be a form of communication.

Root cause aside, that doesn’t necessarily help you in the midst of an anxiety provoking moment when your child decides that the grocery store is their dressing room. First of all, try not to give an extreme reaction. Drawing more attention to the behavior will escalate the circumstances for everyone involved. Easier said than done, but an emotional outburst will do nothing but worsen the situation. Instead, excuse yourselves and find as private a place as possible to help them redress. If you have a moment before you have to rejoin whatever public space you were in, ask them if there was a reason and if so, how you two can address that need together. Then, gently but firmly explain that while there is nothing wrong with being naked, it is only appropriate in certain contexts, and that you’ll speak about it at length later on. It’s important to stress that there is nothing shameful or wrong about the state of being naked.

Having a conversation about social norms is part of the larger conversation about boundaries - both society’s and your child’s. Use this opportunity to discuss consent, when being naked is or is not appropriate, and social norms. Down the line, this will tie into larger conversations about consent in contexts like physical touch and interpersonal boundary setting. 

After all is said and done, don’t forget to take care of yourself. This can be a stressful issue to navigate and you deserve to take a few moments to decompress so you can continue being the best parent you can be.

Inviting Your Partner to Family Holiday Gatherings

The holiday season is quickly approaching and with it comes time to figure out how to spend the holidays. For those with partners, this means figuring out if you’re spending the holidays together and if so, where and with whom. Depending on the stage of the relationship this conversation will look different. Obviously, at the end of the day, it will entirely depend on the context of the relationship and the family dynamics at play. Depending on where your relationship is, there are important questions and topics to consider when making these decisions.  

If you’re trying to figure out if introducing your partner and family is appropriate at all, you should spend time thinking over the following:  

• If you haven’t already, establish where everyone involved sees the relationship going to make sure you’re on the same page of seriousness regarding the relationship 

• Discuss which holidays are most meaningful for each of you 

• Talk to your family and see what holidays are most meaningful for them, as well as the level of their desire to meet your partner 

• If neither of you have met any of each others’ family yet, consider whether a context like the holidays with the potential to be chaotic and overwhelming is a comfortable context to introduce a new partner 

If you’re trying to figure out which holidays to spend where, you should spend time thinking about these things:  

• Do you differ in which holidays are significant to your families? How do you respectively traditionally spend your holidays and how much, if any, crossover do you have?

• How do your respective relationships with your families come into play? What will the impact be on your relationships with them based on which holidays you spend with them? 

• Is there any flexibility in when you celebrate the holidays? For instance, could you spend Christmas with one family, and then have a “second Christmas” with the other family? 

• How much are you willing to compromise? Is there risk of resentment associated with certain choices regarding the holidays? 

To whatever extent you’re able, step outside the confines of familial expectations and think about what you each want to do. When you understand which parts of the holidays are important to yourselves, you can begin to compromise and make sure everyone’s needs are met. This is a collaboration and while there’s a potential for stress around a sensitive subject, you get to navigate this together. It’s okay to run into conflict, just remember that you’re on the same team and want the same thing: to have a happy holiday season.

Tips for Talking With Young People About Sex

Sex can be a tricky and  uncomfortable conversation topic for  many people, especially when it comes to talking with young people. At the end of the day, the vast majority of young people will be curious about sex at some point; it’s far preferable for them to be equipped with accurate information about safer sex, boundary setting, and consent despite the associated discomfort. Furthermore, the only way anyone, adults and young people alike, can mitigate that discomfort and the taboo around sex is to open up these conversations. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of and unfortunately, in the United States, it’s often perceived as dirty and inappropriate. The reality is that it’s a fun and normal part of being human.

A foundational part of talking about sex,  like any complex subject, is to familiarize yourself with relevant terminology. Talking about sex with young people doesn’t mean you should go around talking to toddlers about explicit sex acts but there is a way to introduce the topic in a gradual, age-appropriate way that builds on itself. Starting to introduce proper terms like “penis,” “vulva,” “vagina,” “clitoris,” “buttocks,” and “nipples” even before a child is verbal is a great starting point. Though introducing these terms may feel uncomfortable, at the end of the day they’re simply names for body parts that everyone should get used to using. 

As kids get a little older, it is vital to help them get acquainted with the concepts of consent and boundaries, both within and outside a sexual context. Kids must be taught that no one has a right to their body and they have every right to say no to being touched in any way. This also works the other way, kids must be taught to respect other people’s consent and boundaries. 

It’s important to keep in mind that these days, as children are introduced to the internet earlier and earlier, they are more prone to being prematurely exposed to explicit content. This will inevitably prompt natural curiosity that the adults in their lives need to be prepared to address. 

As a young person gets closer to the onset of puberty, this is the a time to start discussing bodily changes, menstruation, and masturbation. There are plenty of books that cover these topics extensively that can be beneficial to both the child and adult in question. 

Ultimately, regular conversations with young people about sex and adjacent topics is a good way to ensure they’re equipped with the necessary information to make good decisions about their bodies and their sex lives (if and when they choose to have one).  

Having these conversations can certainly be daunting. That’s where we come in! Embrace Sexual Wellness has a program specifically aimed at helping parents and other caregivers be sex-positve role models for the children in their lives. To learn more about how you can start to feel prepared and empowered for these conversations, check out this link.