Holiday Gift Ideas For Each of the 5 Love Languages

With the holidays right around the corner, you might be thinking about what to get for your loved ones. Gift-giving can be daunting but a great starting point is to think about the recipient’s primary love language(s ).

The idea of the five love languages is based on The 5 Love Languages book by Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor*. The website explains that when you identify the love languages preferences of yourself and the people you love, you can connect on a deeper level and understand how to fulfill needs more easily and effectively. The five outlined are acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch. 

Gift Ideas   

Acts of Service 

For people who receive love primarily through acts of service, it’s most meaningful when their loved ones help them out by doing things like making them breakfast, taking over a chore for them, or running an errand for them. 

• Cooking them a meal

  • Bringing them breakfast in bed

• Making a “coupon book” with various chores and errands that the recipient can cash in when they want the giver to take over that task

• Give them a gift card for a home cleaning service

Receiving Gifts

For people who receive love primarily through receiving gifts, they feel loved when they receive meaningful tangible items. A common misconception is that people with this love language are greedy or materialistic; however, it’s not about what the item is but about giving them a tangible reminder that they are loved. For this love language, gift-giving is a little different because it will highly vary from person to person what will mean the most. 

• Consider a multi-part gift that requires opening several packages. This might be something like a spa set where each package has a different self-care item or a customized puzzle where you give them the pieces over a course of days and they have to figure out how to assemble it. If you’re not feeling inspired, there’s also a resource called The Days of Gifts that sends multi-day gift packages based on a questionnaire filled out by the giver. 

• Subscription-based gifts are another great “gift that keeps on giving” for your gift-receiving love language loved one.

• Something sentimental like a customized accessory with a photo attached to a fun memory

Quality Time

For people who receive love primarily through quality time, they feel the most loved when they get to spend uninterrupted time with their loved one. 

• Plan an adventure whether that’s a day trip to a nearby city or hiking or whatever other kind of excursion suits the recipient’s interests

• Make a date jar (regardless of whether it’s a romantic or platonic relationship!). Get a container (if you’re feeling crafty, you can decorate it too!) and fill it with slips of paper with ideas for ways you can spend time together

• Take a cooking class together 

Words of Affirmation

For people who receive love primarily through words of affirmation, they feel the most loved when their loved ones share written or spoken kind and complimentary words. 

• Make an affirmation jar! Similar to the concept of the date jar, this involves getting a container and filling it with slips of paper with compliments and kind words about the recipient

• Markup a favorite book with notes, inside jokes, and surprises like fun stickers

• Commission a photo word portrait. You send the artist any words, whether that’s a favorite poem or a letter you write yourself, and a photo and they combine the two to make a beautiful sentimental gift

Physical Touch 

For people who receive love primarily through physical touch, they feel the most loved when they get to be physically affectionate with their loved ones. 

• Buy some nice massage oils and give them a massage (this would likely be suitable only for romantic partners or close friends). If you’re not confident in your massage skills, book them a professional massage instead 

• Get them a weighted blanket, which many people find soothing and cozy 

• A “5 senses” gift where you pick out special items coordinating with each sense like their favorite snack for taste or their favorite cologne for smell
  

At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you put thought into your gifts because as long as you do that, it’s hard to go wrong. Even by reading this article, you clearly care about making your loved ones feel loved and are already putting thought into your gifts. Be thoughtful but don’t overthink or overly stress yourself out about it. Happy gift-giving!

*Disclaimer: ESW does not endorse the views of Gary Chapman. These examples are designed to correspond with the universal concept of the love languages and the general adoption of these concepts. For updated alternatives to the 5 love languages search "Speaking from the Heart: 18 Languages for Modern Love" by Anne Hodder-Shipp and Jaiya's “Erotic Blueprint.”

Inviting Your Partner to Family Holiday Gatherings

The holiday season is quickly approaching and with it comes time to figure out how to spend the holidays. For those with partners, this means figuring out if you’re spending the holidays together and if so, where and with whom. Depending on the stage of the relationship this conversation will look different. Obviously, at the end of the day, it will entirely depend on the context of the relationship and the family dynamics at play. Depending on where your relationship is, there are important questions and topics to consider when making these decisions.  

If you’re trying to figure out if introducing your partner and family is appropriate at all, you should spend time thinking over the following:  

• If you haven’t already, establish where everyone involved sees the relationship going to make sure you’re on the same page of seriousness regarding the relationship 

• Discuss which holidays are most meaningful for each of you 

• Talk to your family and see what holidays are most meaningful for them, as well as the level of their desire to meet your partner 

• If neither of you have met any of each others’ family yet, consider whether a context like the holidays with the potential to be chaotic and overwhelming is a comfortable context to introduce a new partner 

If you’re trying to figure out which holidays to spend where, you should spend time thinking about these things:  

• Do you differ in which holidays are significant to your families? How do you respectively traditionally spend your holidays and how much, if any, crossover do you have?

• How do your respective relationships with your families come into play? What will the impact be on your relationships with them based on which holidays you spend with them? 

• Is there any flexibility in when you celebrate the holidays? For instance, could you spend Christmas with one family, and then have a “second Christmas” with the other family? 

• How much are you willing to compromise? Is there risk of resentment associated with certain choices regarding the holidays? 

To whatever extent you’re able, step outside the confines of familial expectations and think about what you each want to do. When you understand which parts of the holidays are important to yourselves, you can begin to compromise and make sure everyone’s needs are met. This is a collaboration and while there’s a potential for stress around a sensitive subject, you get to navigate this together. It’s okay to run into conflict, just remember that you’re on the same team and want the same thing: to have a happy holiday season.