The holiday season is quickly approaching and with it comes time to figure out how to spend the holidays. For those with partners, this means figuring out if you’re spending the holidays together and if so, where and with whom. Depending on the stage of the relationship this conversation will look different. Obviously, at the end of the day, it will entirely depend on the context of the relationship and the family dynamics at play. Depending on where your relationship is, there are important questions and topics to consider when making these decisions.
If you’re trying to figure out if introducing your partner and family is appropriate at all, you should spend time thinking over the following:
If you haven’t already, establish where everyone involved sees the relationship going to make sure you’re on the same page of seriousness regarding the relationship
Discuss which holidays are most meaningful for each of you
Talk to your family and see what holidays are most meaningful for them, as well as the level of their desire to meet your partner
If neither of you have met any of each others’ family yet, consider whether a context like the holidays with the potential to be chaotic and overwhelming is a comfortable context to introduce a new partner
If you’re trying to figure out which holidays to spend where, you should spend time thinking about these things:
Do you differ in which holidays are significant to your families? How do you respectively traditionally spend your holidays and how much, if any, crossover do you have?
How do your respective relationships with your families come into play? What will the impact be on your relationships with them based on which holidays you spend with them?
Is there any flexibility in when you celebrate the holidays? For instance, could you spend Christmas with one family, and then have a “second Christmas” with the other family?
How much are you willing to compromise? Is there risk of resentment associated with certain choices regarding the holidays?
To whatever extent you’re able, step outside the confines of familial expectations and think about what you each want to do. When you understand which parts of the holidays are important to yourselves, you can begin to compromise and make sure everyone’s needs are met. This is a collaboration and while there’s a potential for stress around a sensitive subject, you get to navigate this together. It’s okay to run into conflict, just remember that you’re on the same team and want the same thing: to have a happy holiday season.
