Family

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How Parents Can Help Teens Navigate Social Media Safely

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In the digital age, social media is a ubiquitous part of life. People of every age use social media daily for entertainment, marketing, communication, and more. While social media has many great features that make it easier to stay in touch with loved ones, access community resources, and share opinions, it can also be a precarious place. As the digital world evolves, so do the challenges presented to parents, especially when it comes to safety and cyberbullying. Since social media is virtually unavoidable, banning your teen from using it is impractical and hard to enforce. However, there are steps you can take to help teens navigate social media responsibly and safely.

Online Safety Tips

Social media safety is essential for everyone, especially teens, because their brains are still developing. Teens are particularly susceptible to seeking social rewards such as “likes” and they are still developing self-control, and are more prone to trusting strangers, which makes them more vulnerable online. Experts recommend that kids under 13 steer clear of social media entirely and teens should not have unfettered, unregulated access to social media until at least age 16. Excessive or irresponsible social media use can lead to higher levels of depression and anxiety, exposure to cyberbullying, and sleep disruption. With that in mind, here are some tips for approaching online safety with your teen and how to regulate their use of social media.  

Talk about what information is okay to share online

Basic identifying information such as your address, social security, number, age, passwords, and phone numbers should be kept private. Teens need to be careful about sharing information like this because someone could use it to find more sensitive information about them. For example, a teen sharing a photo on Instagram and tagging their high school informs followers where to find them during school hours. Make sure your teen understands how information like this may pose safety concerns.

Emphasize safety over getting in trouble

One of the most crucial parts of helping your teen stay safe online is making sure they feel comfortable talking to you openly about their experiences. If your child is afraid to speak with you about uncomfortable or unsafe online experiences because they fear getting in trouble, they are more likely to end up in risky situations. When they do come to you with an uncomfortable situation, ask about their perspective, validate their feelings, and explain the risk posed by their behavior. If needed, invite them to think about what consequence they think would be reasonable. Try focusing on making this a learning moment instead of punishing them, which might prevent them from coming to you in the future.     

Configure privacy settings together

Privacy policies are wordy and long, leading most people to unthinkingly hit “accept terms” when signing up for social media. Still, it is important to be intentional about understanding privacy settings, especially with teens. Going through the app settings together is a good way to involve your teen in the process and emphasize the importance of privacy online. 

Increase social media literacy

Understanding how to navigate social media is important for anyone, especially for teens who are more vulnerable due to their developing brains. Teens might not be able to fully grasp the risk of irresponsible social media use and are more prone to being impulsive without regard for consequences. Topics like identifying misinformation, how much social media use is too much, and steering clear of interacting with strangers are vital to teach your teen. It will not happen in a single conversation, so it is important to have several conversations that coincide with your teen’s evolving relationship with social media as they get older. 

Set boundaries around social media use

Allowing your teen to use social media does not mean they have to have unfettered, unregulated access. Collaborate with your teen to set boundaries with their social media use. Ask which guidelines make sense to them, and explain the reasoning behind any parameters you establish. Some suggested boundaries include no screens after 9 p.m., no technology in the bedroom overnight, and no ‘friending’ or interacting with people they do not know in real life.

Takeaway

Social media is a powerful tool with undeniable benefits and risks. The rise of social media presents new challenges for parents concerned about their children’s safety. The goal is not to restrict your teen, but to empower them to develop a healthy, safe relationship with social media. Balancing your teen’s independence and safety can be challenging, but you can find the balance by implementing the strategies in this article. You can find additional resources below to support your journey in internet safety.    

Additional Resources

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​​How to Figure out if you Want Kids: Tips for Navigating Ambivalence About Parenthood

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Deciding whether or not you want to raise a child is one of the most important decisions one ever has to make. For some, their answer is an obvious yes or no, but others struggle to reach a clear conclusion. It makes sense to feel lost trying to navigate this topic! Having children completely changes your life in ways you cannot fully anticipate or plan for until it actually happens. Feeling conflicted is an indication that you understand the gravity and stakes of the decision, and that is ultimately a good thing. 

Acknowledging and exploring these mixed emotions can facilitate a more informed and confident decision in the end, as difficult as it may be. This article aims to provide insight for how to evaluate whether you want a child and navigate any ambivalence about parenthood. At the end of the day, keep in mind that this is a personal decision with no one-size-fits-all approach or answer.

Practice ample self-reflection. 

There are many considerations to factor into this decision that deserve your attention. Self-reflection can take the form of journaling, silently thinking to yourself, talking through your thoughts, or some combination of these forms. 

Here are a few guiding questions for your self-reflection:

  • Can I afford to raise a child?  

  • What kind of support would I have from family, friends and the other parent?

  • Will I be able to provide a healthy and loving home environment for a child?

  • How would having a child affect my career?

  • Would I want to have a child biologically, medically, or through adoption?

  • Do I feel pressured to have kids and would I feel shame for not having kids?

  • Am I in a place to put another person’s needs and wants before your own even when that means sacrificing time, money, and energy?

  • Would I be okay with raising a child regardless of who they turn out to be? Am I ready to accept that my hypothetical child could be disabled or queer, for example, and could I love them anyway?

Accept that you may second-guess your decision even after making one. 

Even if you are 99% confident in your decision, that 1% can be stubborn. With any major decision, especially since you can never know what your life would look like if you had made a different decision, that little voice of doubt may emerge from time to time. 

The important thing to remember is that the only thing you have full control over is believing that you will be okay no matter what and that you can find happiness and fulfillment in life regardless of your decision. Accepting and internalizing that you will be okay regardless is no easy feat, but it can alleviate some of the pressure you are putting on yourself to get it right beyond a shadow of a doubt. Of course you hope to choose what is right for you and your life, but you cannot predict the future. Remember, you only have control over your reaction to what life throws at you. If you are grappling with intense doubt and your distress, consider working with a therapist to navigate these complex feelings.     

Communicate openly with your partner. 

If you have a partner in the mix, it is crucial to share your thoughts with them since this decision would likely affect them too. At the end of the day, whether or not you want children is a decision only you can make. A partner is important to involve in your thought process but you should be cautious of letting their feelings override your own. If you and your partner end up feeling differently about having children, you will need to figure out whether your relationship or your feelings about having kids is more important to you.   

Talk to trusted loved ones. 

Your loved ones know you best in this world and they can help you process your complicated feelings and reflect back to you their observations as a third party. It is even better if you can speak to other parents around your age who can tell you about their experience. Naturally, their version of parenthood is unique to them but the more insight you can gain into parenthood, the better to inform your decision making process.

The bottom line 

The process of deciding whether or not you want to be a parent is full of doubts, uncertainties, and emotions. Simply wanting to delve deeply into yourself to thoughtfully reach a decision is a fantastic start to the decision process. Give yourself the grace to be uncertain and to feel conflicting emotions. They are natural parts of the process and shaming yourself for them only serves to delay and complicate your self-reflection.While articles and books may offer general advice and guidance, there is no definitive or empirically proven way to arrive at a conclusion. If it feels too big and too overwhelming to navigate alone, consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you along the way.        

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How to Manage Family Pressure During the Holiday Season

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It is hard to believe that the holiday season is just around the corner. The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of unfettered joy but it can also bring about significant stress and pressure, especially when it comes to spending an elongated period with family. Whether that is due to intrusive questions, unsupportive attitudes towards lifestyle and identity, complex interpersonal dynamics, or some combination of factors, dealing with family drama can quickly become overwhelming. In this article, we will explore practical tips on how to manage family stress and maintain your wellbeing so you can enjoy yourself to the fullest extent possible.

How do you deal with family pressure during the holidays?

Set clear boundaries beforehand

Boundaries are important year-round, but especially when you anticipate spending extra time together. Boundaries typically fall into the following categories: physical, time, conversational, content, emotional, material, and sexual and there are plenty of resources that dive deeper into what those look like and how to communicate them.  

Create an escape plan

Having the option to get away, even temporarily, can relieve some of the pressure because you know you have a way out if all goes wrong. Maybe this means going on a walk, finding a quiet room to decompress (and, if necessary, asking the host ahead of time which room you can use), volunteering to run an errand, or asking a friend if you can hang out with them if you need to leave entirely. 

Cope ahead

Coping ahead entails preparing ahead of time for an anticipated stressor so you do not need to scramble to figure out how to help yourself in the stressful moment itself. A great resource is a portable “coping kit;” the contents will vary from person to person but the goal is to equip yourself with tools to help you keep your cool. Some ideas for what to include in a coping kit are something that smells nice (e.g., an herbal sachet), a fidget toy, a photo that makes you happy, and something you can taste like candy or gum.      

Prepare (your response) ahead of time

If there are sensitive, tense subjects that your family often brings up such as your relationship status, family planning decisions, eating habits, or your identity, it is wise to plan how you might respond to them. Here’s an example of what you could say: “I know you do not mean harm, but talking about [insert topic] makes me uncomfortable. If I am ready to broach that topic with you in the future, I will. I would ask that you refrain from bringing it up until that time. If you continue to try to speak about it with me, I will need to remove myself from the conversation [or insert alternative here].”  

Lean on supportive individuals

In advance of the event, identify family members or friends who are empathetic and understanding. Ideally, this is someone who will also be at the gathering, but it is helpful to have someone available digitally as well. Give that person a heads up that you may need to rely on them a bit more than usual on whatever date(s) and how they can best support you. The advantage of arranging this in advance is that they can let you know if that is doable for them and so you both know what exactly would be helpful. 

Distinguish between tension versus a toxic environment

There are sometimes hazy lines between typical family stress and a toxic, abusive environment. There is so much societal pressure and expectation to endlessly put up with family simply because they are family. Often, survivors are accused of being unkind or ungrateful for walking away. There is nothing wrong with deciding that spending time with family hurts you more than helps you, and that you do not want to attend gatherings at all. Your priority is to protect yourself and your wellbeing, even if that means distance from family.  

TLDR 

The holiday season can be a challenging time when it comes to family pressure and stress. Intrusive questions and difficult relatives on top of the logistical stress of organizing and partaking in an event can take a toll on mental wellbeing. By setting boundaries, making a coping plan, and relying on your support network, you can empower yourself to handle these challenges more effectively.   

 

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