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How Parents Can Help Teens Navigate Social Media Safely

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In the digital age, social media is a ubiquitous part of life. People of every age use social media daily for entertainment, marketing, communication, and more. While social media has many great features that make it easier to stay in touch with loved ones, access community resources, and share opinions, it can also be a precarious place. As the digital world evolves, so do the challenges presented to parents, especially when it comes to safety and cyberbullying. Since social media is virtually unavoidable, banning your teen from using it is impractical and hard to enforce. However, there are steps you can take to help teens navigate social media responsibly and safely.

Online Safety Tips

Social media safety is essential for everyone, especially teens, because their brains are still developing. Teens are particularly susceptible to seeking social rewards such as “likes” and they are still developing self-control, and are more prone to trusting strangers, which makes them more vulnerable online. Experts recommend that kids under 13 steer clear of social media entirely and teens should not have unfettered, unregulated access to social media until at least age 16. Excessive or irresponsible social media use can lead to higher levels of depression and anxiety, exposure to cyberbullying, and sleep disruption. With that in mind, here are some tips for approaching online safety with your teen and how to regulate their use of social media.  

Talk about what information is okay to share online

Basic identifying information such as your address, social security, number, age, passwords, and phone numbers should be kept private. Teens need to be careful about sharing information like this because someone could use it to find more sensitive information about them. For example, a teen sharing a photo on Instagram and tagging their high school informs followers where to find them during school hours. Make sure your teen understands how information like this may pose safety concerns.

Emphasize safety over getting in trouble

One of the most crucial parts of helping your teen stay safe online is making sure they feel comfortable talking to you openly about their experiences. If your child is afraid to speak with you about uncomfortable or unsafe online experiences because they fear getting in trouble, they are more likely to end up in risky situations. When they do come to you with an uncomfortable situation, ask about their perspective, validate their feelings, and explain the risk posed by their behavior. If needed, invite them to think about what consequence they think would be reasonable. Try focusing on making this a learning moment instead of punishing them, which might prevent them from coming to you in the future.     

Configure privacy settings together

Privacy policies are wordy and long, leading most people to unthinkingly hit “accept terms” when signing up for social media. Still, it is important to be intentional about understanding privacy settings, especially with teens. Going through the app settings together is a good way to involve your teen in the process and emphasize the importance of privacy online. 

Increase social media literacy

Understanding how to navigate social media is important for anyone, especially for teens who are more vulnerable due to their developing brains. Teens might not be able to fully grasp the risk of irresponsible social media use and are more prone to being impulsive without regard for consequences. Topics like identifying misinformation, how much social media use is too much, and steering clear of interacting with strangers are vital to teach your teen. It will not happen in a single conversation, so it is important to have several conversations that coincide with your teen’s evolving relationship with social media as they get older. 

Set boundaries around social media use

Allowing your teen to use social media does not mean they have to have unfettered, unregulated access. Collaborate with your teen to set boundaries with their social media use. Ask which guidelines make sense to them, and explain the reasoning behind any parameters you establish. Some suggested boundaries include no screens after 9 p.m., no technology in the bedroom overnight, and no ‘friending’ or interacting with people they do not know in real life.

Takeaway

Social media is a powerful tool with undeniable benefits and risks. The rise of social media presents new challenges for parents concerned about their children’s safety. The goal is not to restrict your teen, but to empower them to develop a healthy, safe relationship with social media. Balancing your teen’s independence and safety can be challenging, but you can find the balance by implementing the strategies in this article. You can find additional resources below to support your journey in internet safety.    

Additional Resources

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​​How to Figure out if you Want Kids: Tips for Navigating Ambivalence About Parenthood

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Deciding whether or not you want to raise a child is one of the most important decisions one ever has to make. For some, their answer is an obvious yes or no, but others struggle to reach a clear conclusion. It makes sense to feel lost trying to navigate this topic! Having children completely changes your life in ways you cannot fully anticipate or plan for until it actually happens. Feeling conflicted is an indication that you understand the gravity and stakes of the decision, and that is ultimately a good thing. 

Acknowledging and exploring these mixed emotions can facilitate a more informed and confident decision in the end, as difficult as it may be. This article aims to provide insight for how to evaluate whether you want a child and navigate any ambivalence about parenthood. At the end of the day, keep in mind that this is a personal decision with no one-size-fits-all approach or answer.

Practice ample self-reflection. 

There are many considerations to factor into this decision that deserve your attention. Self-reflection can take the form of journaling, silently thinking to yourself, talking through your thoughts, or some combination of these forms. 

Here are a few guiding questions for your self-reflection:

  • Can I afford to raise a child?  

  • What kind of support would I have from family, friends and the other parent?

  • Will I be able to provide a healthy and loving home environment for a child?

  • How would having a child affect my career?

  • Would I want to have a child biologically, medically, or through adoption?

  • Do I feel pressured to have kids and would I feel shame for not having kids?

  • Am I in a place to put another person’s needs and wants before your own even when that means sacrificing time, money, and energy?

  • Would I be okay with raising a child regardless of who they turn out to be? Am I ready to accept that my hypothetical child could be disabled or queer, for example, and could I love them anyway?

Accept that you may second-guess your decision even after making one. 

Even if you are 99% confident in your decision, that 1% can be stubborn. With any major decision, especially since you can never know what your life would look like if you had made a different decision, that little voice of doubt may emerge from time to time. 

The important thing to remember is that the only thing you have full control over is believing that you will be okay no matter what and that you can find happiness and fulfillment in life regardless of your decision. Accepting and internalizing that you will be okay regardless is no easy feat, but it can alleviate some of the pressure you are putting on yourself to get it right beyond a shadow of a doubt. Of course you hope to choose what is right for you and your life, but you cannot predict the future. Remember, you only have control over your reaction to what life throws at you. If you are grappling with intense doubt and your distress, consider working with a therapist to navigate these complex feelings.     

Communicate openly with your partner. 

If you have a partner in the mix, it is crucial to share your thoughts with them since this decision would likely affect them too. At the end of the day, whether or not you want children is a decision only you can make. A partner is important to involve in your thought process but you should be cautious of letting their feelings override your own. If you and your partner end up feeling differently about having children, you will need to figure out whether your relationship or your feelings about having kids is more important to you.   

Talk to trusted loved ones. 

Your loved ones know you best in this world and they can help you process your complicated feelings and reflect back to you their observations as a third party. It is even better if you can speak to other parents around your age who can tell you about their experience. Naturally, their version of parenthood is unique to them but the more insight you can gain into parenthood, the better to inform your decision making process.

The bottom line 

The process of deciding whether or not you want to be a parent is full of doubts, uncertainties, and emotions. Simply wanting to delve deeply into yourself to thoughtfully reach a decision is a fantastic start to the decision process. Give yourself the grace to be uncertain and to feel conflicting emotions. They are natural parts of the process and shaming yourself for them only serves to delay and complicate your self-reflection.While articles and books may offer general advice and guidance, there is no definitive or empirically proven way to arrive at a conclusion. If it feels too big and too overwhelming to navigate alone, consider reaching out to a therapist who can help you along the way.        

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How to talk with your elementary school child about sex

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Talking to kids about sex and sexual health can be an uncomfortable topic for many parents and it is hard to know how to approach it appropriately. However, open and honest communication is essential for their understanding and well-being. Sex is a fundamental part of being human and the sooner kids understand concepts like consent and safer sex practices, the better equipped they will be to navigate their relationships responsibly. Of course, there are developmentally appropriate ways to speak about sex and sex-related topics so you do not necessarily need to be talking to your kindergartener about birth control, for example. In this blog, we will provide tips for having developmentally appropriate conversations about sex and sexual health with elementary-age kids.

Which sex-related topics are appropriate for elementary school kids?

When it comes to discussing sex-related topics with elementary school kids, it is important to approach the conversation with developmentally appropriate information. The priority when speaking to young kids about sex is to provide a strong foundation for comprehensive sex education in the long term. Some topics to start with are body parts, reproduction, gender and identity, and consent.   

Body Parts

Before you can discuss anything else, a child must have the vocabulary to express and understand sexual health. Avoid euphemisms for genitalia and instead use anatomically correct terminology like penis, testicles, vulva, and vagina. This helps to de-stigmatize these words. AmazeJr for Kids: Help kids learn about their bodies [with Tusky & Friends] and Advocates for Youth have helpful resources on body parts.

Reproduction

Reproduction is fundamental to human existence; it is why sex exists in the first place. Therefore, this is an essential topic to cover from a young age. When discussing reproduction with young kids, you do not have to go into graphic detail but you can share the basic facts. An example of when this might come up is if someone the child knows gets pregnant. We recommend this guide from Planned Parenthood and this roundup of children's books for talking to kids about pregnancy.

Gender & Sexual Identity

When discussing gender and sexual identity with kids, you can introduce the concepts of gender, different sexualities, and pronouns. This may require you to assess some of your own biases and knowledge limitations, and you should educate yourself before introducing these concepts to a child. An example of when this might come up is if the child themself is questioning their gender and/or sexuality, or if a classmate comes out as queer. Gender Spectrum and Sex Positive Families have some useful resources for talking about gender and sexual identities.      

Consent & Bodily Autonomy

Consent and bodily autonomy are integral subjects to cover since they are relevant beyond a sexual context. Kids should understand how to respect and communicate personal boundaries. Explain that everyone has the right to say “no” to unwanted physical contact and that it is important to ask for permission before touching someone else. An example of when this might come up is giving and receiving hugs from peers. Consent at Every Age by Harvard and My Space, Your Space are some great resources to explore.

How do I make the conversation accessible and comfortable?

Once you know what you need to talk about, you might still be unsure of how to convey this information effectively. Here are some recommendations to guide your approach to these conversations. 

1. Utilize external resources like books and videos.

A daunting part of talking about these topics is that you yourself might not feel equipped or knowledgeable enough to teach a child. Fortunately, there are tons of resources available to educate both you and your child including these created by Amaze and Planned Parenthood.

If you are still feeling uncertain about approaching these subjects with your child, consider reaching out to a sexuality educator who can give you more specific guidance and support.

2. Be open, non-judgmental, and inclusive.

A central goal of having these conversations with your child should be to position yourself as a safe person for them to come to with sex and body-related questions and problems throughout their development. By encouraging their curiosity, speaking non-judgmentally, and providing education that accounts for a variety of sexualities and gender identities, you can encourage your child to be comfortable coming to you with questions and problems in the long term. 

For example, perhaps down the line your child will question their sexuality and that often comes with a fear of rejection from loved ones. If you have made it clear that you are accepting and non-judgmental, they are more likely to come to you while navigating their self-discovery. In this scenario, you can first make sure they know that you love and support them no matter how they identify. Then, if they would like to have a conversation about it, let them take the lead and share what they feel comfortable with. Finally, you can offer them resources like videos, books, support groups, and the opportunity to talk with LGBTQ+ adults in your life.        

3. Utilize everyday opportunities.

In your daily life, there are bound to be prompts to discuss key concepts with your child. For example, if someone in your family’s life becomes pregnant, you can use that opportunity to explain how babies are made with your child.  

Having open and honest conversations with kids about sex and sexual health is crucial for their understanding, well-being, and ability to navigate the world responsibly. While these conversations may feel uncomfortable or challenging for parents, they will provide your child with the knowledge and skills they need to navigate sexual health and relationships healthily and confidently. On that note, what about when your child is uncomfortable? If your child does express that they are uncomfortable, that is a boundary that should be respected. First of all, you can try to give them some agency by asking if a different time or location for the conversation would be more comfortable. If they still refuse, as is their right, you can provide them access to educational resources and try again in a few weeks.  

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