3 Steps For Setting Sexual Wellness Intentions

Happy 2022! After the trials and tribulations of the last few years, it’s more important than ever to intentionally focus on one’s wellness to avoid burnout. Around the new year, there are frequent conversations about transformation and resolution setting. Before diving into how to set sexual wellness intentions for the new year, it’s important to preface that if resolution-setting doesn’t help you, there is nothing wrong with not doing so. Just staying afloat in chronically stressful societal conditions is a feat in and of itself so if that’s all you have the capacity for, that is more than enough. For those who are yes to sexual wellness goals for the new year, here are 3 steps that can help guide your intention setting.

1. Understand what sexual wellness is and what it looks like for you
Before jumping in, it is important to understand what sexual wellness is. 

What is sexual wellness? 
Sexual wellness is emotional and physical satisfaction with regard to one’s sexuality and sexual life. Goals around sexual wellness can be oriented toward one’s sexual relationship with themselves, or with others. Intentionality is an important part of cultivating sexual wellness and forces perpetual self-reevaluation of boundaries and desires. This knowledge is key to reaching sexual wellness goals.

2. Reflect on your current sexual wellness; what is working and what could be improved

Before setting your intentions, it is a good idea to gauge the current status of your sexual wellness and identify areas where you are already satisfied and areas where you’d like to improve. Use these questions to guide your self-reflection:

Questions for reflecting on your sexual wellness

• Are you generally satisfied with your current sex life? What do you enjoy about it? What, if anything, do you dislike about it or wish was different? 

• Do you have shame around sex and/or your appearance? Where does it come from? How does it affect your sex life, if at all? 

• Are you affected by any sexual trauma? Is there any part of that trauma that you’d like to process with a therapist before working on sexual wellness intentions? (Note: focusing on addressing trauma can be a sexual wellness intention, too!)

• What sexual activities or relationship dynamics do you want to try out that you haven’t yet? What have you already tried, and what did you learn about yourself from those experiences? 

• If you have sex involving other people, do you trust and like those people? Do they meet your sexual needs? How is your communication about and during sex? 

• Do you already dedicate attention to your own pleasure?

3. Choose your intentions and plan how you’ll achieve them

Once you have a good idea of your sexual needs, boundaries, and desires, use that information to decide what you want your intentions to be. Below is a non-exclusive list of intentions and specific actions you can take to work toward them.

Intention ideas 

-To focus on the journey, not the destination

• Be more present in your body and with your partner

• Make the goal of sex be pleasure and connection rather than orgasm

• Experiment and try out things you’re curious about

-To be honor your needs and your pleasure

• Don’t lie about having an orgasm if you didn’t

• Ask for what you want and need from your partner in sexual encounters

• Don’t leave it to chance; schedule sex and/or masturbation sessions

-To try new things

• Use more “sexcessories” like lubricant and sex toys

• Do more kegels

• Read more erotica 

This is all a starting point to inspire your intention-setting but everyone’s sexual wellness looks different and will need different types of nurturing. Regardless of whether or not you choose to set intentions for the new year, be sure to take care of your overall wellness, including sexual wellness, regardless. Setting sexual wellness intentions can be done on your own or with a partner. You may also want to consider speaking with a sex therapist if you need help with any of the steps above. If you live in Illinois, Embrace Sexual Wellness can help. Contact us HERE. 

What is sex therapy?

In recent years, popular TV shows like Sex Education and Sex Love & Goop have brought the concept of sex therapy into the limelight. But beyond the screen, what exactly is sex therapy? In this blog post, we delve into the specifics of this unique form of psychotherapy, designed to address a myriad of concerns related to sexual function, intimacy, and romantic relationships.

What is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy falls under the umbrella of psychotherapy, targeting issues such as sexual function, intimacy, and romantic and sexual well-being. It goes beyond the bedroom, addressing concerns like painful sex, erectile dysfunction, fear of intimacy, lack of desire (for those who do not identify as asexual), and challenges in identifying or communicating sexual and relationship needs and boundaries. Consider making an appointment with a sex therapist if sex does not feel pleasurable or is painful, if you’ve never felt “comfortable” during sex, if you have concerns around orgasm, or frustrations with wanting to last longer during sex. These are some of many considerations that can be addressed in sex therapy. 

Embrace Sexual Wellness has a team of therapists that specialize in sexuality-related concerns as well as a blog and an extensive resources page covering sexuality topics and mental health. If you reside outside Illinois, the AASECT certified professionals directory can help you connect with a qualified sex therapist.

Sex Therapy Certification and Professional Standards

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) is the certifying organization for sex therapists. Sex therapists, as per AASECT, are licensed mental health professionals specializing in psychotherapy for clients dealing with sexual issues and concerns. Importantly, sex therapists adhere to strict ethical guidelines and do not engage in sexual contact with their clients.

What is the Role of Sex Therapists?

Contrary to common misconceptions, sex therapists primarily provide talk therapy. Sex therapists, surrogate partners, and sex coaches play distinct roles in supporting individuals or couples within the realm of sexual health and well-being. Sex therapists address psychological and emotional aspects of sexuality, utilizing therapeutic techniques to help clients explore and resolve sexual issues, such as communication problems, intimacy concerns, or past trauma. Surrogate partners, working closely in collaboration with a licensed therapist, engage in hands-on, experiential work with clients to address both physical and emotional aspects of sexual difficulties, providing a safe space for the exploration and practice of interpersonal and sexual skills. Sex coaches focus on education, empowerment, and the implementation of goal-oriented strategies to enhance overall sexual satisfaction. They can offer guidance, information, and skill-building exercises to help individuals or couples achieve their desired sexual goals. Each of these professionals contributes uniquely to the broader field of sexuality by providing distinct approaches to address a range of concerns. The scope of this blog is referring specifically to sex therapists.

Who is sex therapy for?

Sex therapy, whether individual or couples-based, addresses a range of concerns. The duration of therapy varies based on the nature of the issues, offering tailored solutions. It helps individuals with sexual dysfunctions like erectile dysfunction or low libido. Couples experiencing challenges with communication about desires or facing relationship challenges, including infidelity or trust issues, can also benefit from sex therapy. Those who've experienced sexual trauma seek therapy to rebuild a healthy relationship with sexuality. Couples with differing sexual desires can learn to understand one other's needs. Individuals or couples may seek therapy to explore and enhance their sexual experiences. Additionally, sex therapy supports LGBTQ+ individuals facing challenges related to sexual identity and relationship dynamics, as well as those dealing with gender identity issues, including gender transition.

What happens in sex therapy?

The structure of sex therapy varies, adapting to the specific needs of the client(s). Therapists often assign home exercises aimed at managing concerns effectively. These exercises may include dedicated time for partner connection, self-exploration activities, and other assignments tailored to the individual or couple. Many therapists also offer free consultation calls where you can further discuss your concerns and determine if sex therapy, or that therapist, is a good fit for you.

Tips for Navigating Long Distance Intimacy

Long distance relationships are tough for everyone involved - who wants to be apart from their loved one(s)? Though nothing will quite sate the desire to be with them physically, there are ways to get everyone’s needs met. Over the past few years COVID forced us to innovate and find creative ways to stay connected. As a result, we've never had more tools available to make long distance relationships a bit easier. Before figuring out which of these options work best for your relationship, all partners involved should evaluate what they need to feel connected and satisfied, and then communicate that to each other. That will give you the information you need to choose the best option(s) for your relationship.

Some questions you should consider are:

• What are your non-negotiable needs around connecting with your partner and how often do you need to connect to feel satisfied in your relationship? 

• How often are you able and willing to text/call/video chat? 

• What insecurities, if any, do you have about long distance relationships and what do you need from your partner(s) to help you manage those insecurities?

• What ways, if any, do you need to be intentional about how you spend social time outside the relationship in order to feel socially satisfied? 

• What are your primary love language(s) and how can they be fulfilled long distance? 

Once you establish those answers, you can get started looking into ways to connect, including the following suggestions: 

CASUAL COMMUNICATION

• Send videos or audio messages to give your partner updates about your day 

• Make “open when” letters

• Send them a surprise $5 to get themselves a coffee  
  

SPENDING TIME TOGETHER

• Watch a movie or TV show together

• Play free multiplayer games online like on Pogo

• Do a virtual museum tour
  

SEX

• Try out a long distance remote control sex toy 

• Print out sultry photos of yourself and mail it to them (as long as you have consent) 

• Set aside time for sexting like you would carve out time for physical sex in order to be fully present and connected 
  

Long distance relationships are challenging but not insurmountable. With work, intentionality, and communication, it’s possible to have a full, satisfying relationship regardless of proximity.