Family

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How to talk with your elementary school child about sex

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Talking to kids about sex and sexual health can be an uncomfortable topic for many parents and it is hard to know how to approach it appropriately. However, open and honest communication is essential for their understanding and well-being. Sex is a fundamental part of being human and the sooner kids understand concepts like consent and safer sex practices, the better equipped they will be to navigate their relationships responsibly. Of course, there are developmentally appropriate ways to speak about sex and sex-related topics so you do not necessarily need to be talking to your kindergartener about birth control, for example. In this blog, we will provide tips for having developmentally appropriate conversations about sex and sexual health with elementary-age kids.

Which sex-related topics are appropriate for elementary school kids?

When it comes to discussing sex-related topics with elementary school kids, it is important to approach the conversation with developmentally appropriate information. The priority when speaking to young kids about sex is to provide a strong foundation for comprehensive sex education in the long term. Some topics to start with are body parts, reproduction, gender and identity, and consent.   

Body Parts

Before you can discuss anything else, a child must have the vocabulary to express and understand sexual health. Avoid euphemisms for genitalia and instead use anatomically correct terminology like penis, testicles, vulva, and vagina. This helps to de-stigmatize these words. AmazeJr for Kids: Help kids learn about their bodies [with Tusky & Friends] and Advocates for Youth have helpful resources on body parts.

Reproduction

Reproduction is fundamental to human existence; it is why sex exists in the first place. Therefore, this is an essential topic to cover from a young age. When discussing reproduction with young kids, you do not have to go into graphic detail but you can share the basic facts. An example of when this might come up is if someone the child knows gets pregnant. We recommend this guide from Planned Parenthood and this roundup of children's books for talking to kids about pregnancy.

Gender & Sexual Identity

When discussing gender and sexual identity with kids, you can introduce the concepts of gender, different sexualities, and pronouns. This may require you to assess some of your own biases and knowledge limitations, and you should educate yourself before introducing these concepts to a child. An example of when this might come up is if the child themself is questioning their gender and/or sexuality, or if a classmate comes out as queer. Gender Spectrum and Sex Positive Families have some useful resources for talking about gender and sexual identities.      

Consent & Bodily Autonomy

Consent and bodily autonomy are integral subjects to cover since they are relevant beyond a sexual context. Kids should understand how to respect and communicate personal boundaries. Explain that everyone has the right to say “no” to unwanted physical contact and that it is important to ask for permission before touching someone else. An example of when this might come up is giving and receiving hugs from peers. Consent at Every Age by Harvard and My Space, Your Space are some great resources to explore.

How do I make the conversation accessible and comfortable?

Once you know what you need to talk about, you might still be unsure of how to convey this information effectively. Here are some recommendations to guide your approach to these conversations. 

1. Utilize external resources like books and videos.

A daunting part of talking about these topics is that you yourself might not feel equipped or knowledgeable enough to teach a child. Fortunately, there are tons of resources available to educate both you and your child including these created by Amaze and Planned Parenthood.

If you are still feeling uncertain about approaching these subjects with your child, consider reaching out to a sexuality educator who can give you more specific guidance and support.

2. Be open, non-judgmental, and inclusive.

A central goal of having these conversations with your child should be to position yourself as a safe person for them to come to with sex and body-related questions and problems throughout their development. By encouraging their curiosity, speaking non-judgmentally, and providing education that accounts for a variety of sexualities and gender identities, you can encourage your child to be comfortable coming to you with questions and problems in the long term. 

For example, perhaps down the line your child will question their sexuality and that often comes with a fear of rejection from loved ones. If you have made it clear that you are accepting and non-judgmental, they are more likely to come to you while navigating their self-discovery. In this scenario, you can first make sure they know that you love and support them no matter how they identify. Then, if they would like to have a conversation about it, let them take the lead and share what they feel comfortable with. Finally, you can offer them resources like videos, books, support groups, and the opportunity to talk with LGBTQ+ adults in your life.        

3. Utilize everyday opportunities.

In your daily life, there are bound to be prompts to discuss key concepts with your child. For example, if someone in your family’s life becomes pregnant, you can use that opportunity to explain how babies are made with your child.  

Having open and honest conversations with kids about sex and sexual health is crucial for their understanding, well-being, and ability to navigate the world responsibly. While these conversations may feel uncomfortable or challenging for parents, they will provide your child with the knowledge and skills they need to navigate sexual health and relationships healthily and confidently. On that note, what about when your child is uncomfortable? If your child does express that they are uncomfortable, that is a boundary that should be respected. First of all, you can try to give them some agency by asking if a different time or location for the conversation would be more comfortable. If they still refuse, as is their right, you can provide them access to educational resources and try again in a few weeks.  

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Worried About Personal Safety as a Trans Person? Tips for the Trans Community and Allies

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In light of current political turmoil and discrimination surrounding the transgender and non-binary population, it’s more important than ever for transgender people to be equipped with knowledge to navigate the world as safely as possible. In data released in October 2022 by Everytown for Gun Safety, the number of trans people murdered in the U.S. nearly doubled between 2017 and 2021. There is a constant barrage of mocking pronouns and non-cisgender gender identities by politicians and the public alike. Extremists at the 2023 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC) have called for the eradication of transgender people. It is a deeply scary time to be a trans person especially if you live in a hostile home and/or geographic region. In such a circumstance, there are unfortunately no infallible safety methods, but there are precautions you can take to increase your chances of staying safe.

How Can I Maximize My Safety? 

It’s a good idea to have at least a loose grasp of your region’s political climate so you understand your surroundings better. You should also be aware of the factors that make you an easier target. Unfortunately, trans people who don’t “pass” as a cisgender person are more likely to be harmed, and feminine-presenting trans people are also more likely to be harmed since women are already at a higher risk of experiencing violence. Understanding these factors will help you navigate how cautious you need to be.  

Safety Tips

  • Seek out a local or online self-defense class

  • Navigate public spaces with a trusted friend or family member whenever possible, especially at night

  • Stay alert in public spaces – try to stay off your phone while walking

  • If someone tries to assault you verbally or physically, get loud; this will hopefully scare off the perpetrator and if not, it may get the attention of a good samaritan who can intervene

  • Leave a trail before going out: make sure someone you trust knows where you will be

  • If you live in a hostile home environment, consider compiling a “get away bag” in the event that you need to make a hasty exit for your safety

  • Check out this safety planning tool by Forge, a transgender support organization

  • Seek out the support of a trans supportive organization for funding to access gender-affirming care and/or to move somewhere safer

Forging Community

Building a small community of supportive people in your life to offset the detrimental effects on mental health of the transgender discrimination you will likely face is a vital lifeline. This can be a difficult task if you live in a hostile geographic region; you can try Googling your location plus keywords like “trans support,” “LGBTQ support group,” and “LGBTQ resources.” If that ends up being a fruitless endeavor, it’s time to turn to the internet.

Having friends solely online may not be as fulfilling as friends you can see face to face for most people but it is a far better option than feeling completely isolated in a discriminatory environment.

Here are some online support group options:

Tips for Trans Allies

Being a trans ally is more important than ever. Cisgender people have privilege compared to transgender people and leveraging that privilege is integral to fighting for trans rights and safety.

  • Educate yourself on key terminology relating to gender and the political and wellbeing issues surrounding the trans community 

  • Do not take the liberty of sharing someone’s transgender status with anyone who doesn’t already know. As the LGBTQ organization GLAAD puts it, “Do not casually share this information, speculate, or gossip about a person you know or think is transgender. Not only is this an invasion of privacy, it also can have negative consequences in a world that is very intolerant of gender diversity.”

  • Do not ask invasive questions about a transgender person’s gender assigned at birth or their anatomy

  • Challenge anti-trans rhetoric in conversation; cisgender privilege allows you to do so with much less risk of compromising your personal safety than if a transgender person were to do so

  • Read this comprehensive guide to being an ally for more actionable steps or visit ESW’s resource page

The most important thing to remember as a trans person is that being trans is not bad or wrong and the issues with being transgender have to do with hate and vitriol from bigots, not the inherent nature of being trans. Try to indulge in consuming trans joy content when you feel particularly down about being trans because the reality is that being trans is a beautiful thing and you deserve to feel happy and safe. Your challenges and struggles are real and valid, and they don’t define your wholeness.  

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How to Tell Your Parents You Don’t Want Kids

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Even before COVID-19 hit in 2020, the United States’ birth rate has fallen every year since 2007, aside from 2014. The pandemic compounded this trend, with 2020 having the largest single-year drop in number of births in almost 50 years. A 2021 study from Pew Research Center found that 44% of non-parents ages 18-49 report it is unlikely or not at all likely they will have children. 

Between the climate crisis, rampant and rising gun violence, the COVID-19 pandemic, the ever-present wealth gap, or just wanting to enjoy one’s own life untethered to the immense responsibility of being a parent, more and more people are opting to be childfree. 

Though this attitude and choice might seem surprising to some, especially older generations, it is not such a mystery when looking at how challenging, complicated, and demanding our current world is, a state which plagues many young people with a sense of malaise and hopelessness. Despite how justified and understandable the malaise and hopelessness are, there can still be familial pressure to have kids from parents who had hoped to be grandparents. These two opposing perspectives can make for a contentious conversation that is difficult to know how to broach. Even if you are 100% certain that you want to be childfree by choice, justifying that in the face of the traditional mindset that “everyone wants to and should have kids” is not an easy task. Before even starting the conversation, it is important to remember that your decision has been made and your conversation with your family about it is not about convincing them that this is the best decision for you, rather it is an opportunity to share your feelings on the matter.

The specifics of how you approach the conversation will depend on your family dynamic and communication styles so you will need to adjust your approach based on that information, but this article will cover general considerations and strategies to make the conversation as productive as possible.

Think through what their concerns about you being childfree might be 

Some common objections family members may offer to your expression of wanting to be childfree are “is this because of something we did wrong?,” “who will care for you in your old age?,” or “having children was the best thing that happened to me, I don’t want you to miss out.” All three of these are likely rooted in much more complex emotions. Take for instance the question about whether they did something wrong to cause you to feel this way; that question could be rooted in anxiety that it is their fault you do not want to have kids. Being aware of some of their potential reasons for objecting is important in crafting how you approach them and assuage their concerns. Furthermore, understanding the “why” behind their objection can foster your empathy and compassion towards them which will make the conversation easier as well.  

Use “I” statements

Since your parents did make the decision to have kids, they might want to personalize your decision as being about them in some way, like a rejection or criticism of them. When you use “I” language, you are focused on expressing your feelings and what you want, rather than putting them on the defensive. For example, instead of saying “I don’t want to have kids because you traumatized me,” you could try “My mental health and ability to navigate challenging situations that would undoubtedly come up with children makes me feel like it’s not the right choice for me or my hypothetical children.”

Empathize with and respect your parents’ emotions

Many parents look forward to the opportunity to be a grandparent and the loss of this potential future role might cause legitimate grief. Try to remember that you have had time to think over your decision in depth and when you tell your parents for the first time, they will not have had that processing time yet. The initial shock might cause them to react more severely compared to after they have had time to digest it. Try to work with them to give them the space they need to process this news. Their disappointment is not a reason to change your mind, and it is not your responsibility to soothe them, but it is important to be mindful and respectful of their feelings.   

Offer resources about choosing to be childfree if they want to learn more about your choice

If your parents are not very familiar with being childfree by choice, the foreign concept can exacerbate how scary it sounds to them. Offering resources for further learning can show them that you are far from alone in your choice and the explanations might resonate with them more when they come from an author your parents have no emotional attachment to, unlike with you. Here are three recommended texts to share with them: 


Hopefully these tips will equip you to have a productive, thoughtful conversation with your parents about your choice to be childfree. Not wanting to have children is a perfectly legitimate and increasingly popular decision. Even if people like your parents disagree with your choice, it is not their prerogative to persuade you otherwise, and you are well within your rights to establish boundaries around the subject if they continually push their feelings onto you. Being surrounded by non-familial support systems is especially important before and after speaking to your parents about it. If you are struggling with preparing for or processing after the conversation, consider reaching out to a therapist.

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