3 Ways Chronic Illness Affects Sexual Wellness (and How to Address It)

Chronic illnesses like cancer and immune diseases can interfere with sexual wellness and might diminish one’s capacity to enjoy sex. Various factors play into this with more obvious ones like chronic pain in addition to the not-so-obvious ones like the emotional strain of chronic illness and lack of body confidence. Being chronically ill doesn’t have to be a sex life death sentence though. 

Managing a sex life while chronically ill is not an easy task, but progress in the medical field, especially sexology and sex therapy, means that there are more resources than ever to help you along your journey of sexual discovery. Instead of aiming advice at specific illnesses, this article will instead be structured around addressing the symptoms that get in the way of a fulfilling sex life.

Pain Flare Ups

Pain is the most obvious sex deterrent associated with chronic illness. Regardless of where it is, pain is distracting and draining, neither of which is ideal for enjoying intimacy. Aside from general pain management like medication and physical therapy, some ways to adapt your sex life are to use supportive pillows, choose comfortable sex positions, and experiment with assistive devices.

Body Confidence Issues

Depending on the chronic illness, you may struggle with body image issues in addition to the symptoms directly associated with the condition. Poor body image often feeds into a low sex drive and causes distress on both counts. This Embrace Sexual Wellness blog post talks about feeling at home in your body as a queer person, but the general principles are a solid place to start when addressing body confidence issues. If you’re feeling alone in this struggle, check out this article with stories from people who have struggled with body confidence due to chronic illness.

Communication and the Importance of Utilizing Resources

Perhaps the single most part of making this equation work is having an understanding partner who you can communicate comfortably with. This is important for anyone but especially when you may have to navigate specific health-related needs, it is imperative that you do that with someone who feels safe.

Another thing to keep in mind is that you don’t have to be alone on this journey. Professionals like the sex therapists at Embrace Sexual Wellness are amazing resources for navigating the complicated relationship between illness and sexual wellness. 

All of this information might be overwhelming and that’s okay. The only timeline you need to stick to is the one that serves you best. There is no rush to figure anything out and if you are feeling pressured by others to figure it out faster, you may want to reevaluate those relationships. Chronic illness comes with a multitude of unique challenges but luckily you don’t have to navigate them alone. Not sure where to start? We’d be happy to help you get started! You can contact Embrace Sexual Wellness here.   

Benefits of Mutual Masturbation

Masturbation and partnered sex each have their own distinct appeals, but did you know that you can combine the two and mutually masturbate with your partner(s)? Mutual masturbation is the practice of two (or more) people masturbating simultaneously in each others’ presence, either over video call or in the same room.

Some benefits to mutual masturbation are learning more about how your partner(s) like to be touched, being able to simultaneously orgasm, and it’s nearly impossible to get pregnant or catch an STI. If you want to try it out, here are some ideas for good positions when you’re together in person. You can also integrate sex toys to take it to the next level, whether you’re in the same place or not. Another fun way to structure your mutual masturbation is by watching porn together; this has the added bonus of sharing sexual interests by sharing your favorite porn.     

Mutual masturbation can be a fun way to vary your sex and masturbation habits but that it also comes with challenges. The major challenge that many people face when trying mutual masturbation is performance anxiety. Since masturbation is a vulnerable act that is most often practiced solo, it can take some adjusting in order to enjoy it in the presence of another person. 

Performance anxiety can occur in any kind of sex, but mutual masturbation is particularly intimidating for many people. Even beyond the societally ingrained shame surrounding enjoying sexual acts, being able to truly lean into and take pleasure from masturbating in front of others requires becoming comfortable with the intense vulnerability it implies. First of all, it’s a good idea to sit down with your partner(s) and layout everyone’s concerns and insecurities on the table. Just the act of sharing these vulnerable thoughts can help make you more comfortable with the idea. In terms of tangible steps for combatting performance anxiety, one way is to have your partner and/or yourself wear a blindfold or turning off the lights. Another important way to take some of the pressure off is to not expect an orgasm; it’s much more fruitful to focus on the pleasurable sensations and being in the moment and if an orgasm happens, it’s a happy bonus! If you struggle to stay in the moment, check out Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are to learn about sexual mindfulness. For a rundown of mindfulness exercises as a general concept outside of sex, check out this article. 

Ultimately, mutual masturbation is another version of sexual collaboration with your partner(s) and it has the potential to bring you closer, learn more about each others’ sexual likes and interests, and, over time, diminish sexual performance anxiety. As with any kind of sex, there is no right or wrong way to mutually masturbate as long as everyone is consenting and having a good time.      

4 Benefits of Sharing Erotica with a Partner

“Erotica” is any sexually explicit literary or artistic work. It can be a great tool for exploring sexual interests alone or with a partner/partners. Erotica can be a book, a short story, an audio clip, a drawing, and beyond. Whatever you’re into, there’s erotica about it. Beyond being a fun addition to masturbating, there are several benefits to sharing erotica with a partner/partners. Erotica can…

1. Teach you what is exciting for you and your partner 

   Regardless of how familiar you are with your sexual interests, erotica is a great way to increase your imagination about what pleasure looks like for you. Additionally, if you struggle to talk about what you like in bed, you can share a piece of erotica to explain what you mean instead. 

2. Create more sexual and emotional intimacy 

   Sharing sexual desires is a vulnerable act. Being vulnerable with your partner(s) is one of the best ways to foster emotional intimacy and connection. 

3. Provide inspiration 

   Whether you’re still in the honeymoon phase or you’ve been with your partner(s) for years, there’s always room to improve your sex life. Maybe there’s a fantasy you’d love to act out, or a fetish you want to try; it might be difficult to find and/or share the words to describe your sexual fantasies and interests, which is where having an exemplar is a great communication tool. Sharing erotica with your partner(s) that resonated with you provides valuable insight about what you like in bed. 

4. Normalize erotica's impact on arousal

   Unfortunately, we have all been societally conditioned to regard sexuality as taboo even if one’s independent values don’t align with that designation. This means that you might logically understand there is nothing shameful about sexual desire, it can still feel hard to share something you’ve been conditioned to keep private like a piece of erotica you like. The more you talk about it and share with your partner, the more normal it will feel. 

Erotica is a great tool to incorporate into your relationship(s). If you’re interested in exploring erotica, there are some great resources below. Happy reading, listening and sharing! 

• Short stories

  • Literotica

  • Bellesa

  • LushStories

  • Novel Trove   

• Books

  • 14 Erotic Novels That Won't Make You Cringe - PureWow

  • 12 Most Erotic Novels in the History of Literature - Sexiest Books of All Time

  • The 55 Most Erotic Books You Will Ever Read    

• Audio

  • Dipsea