With the holidays right around the corner, you might be thinking about what to get for your loved ones. Gift-giving can be daunting but a great starting point is to think about the recipient’s primary love language(s ).
The idea of the five love languages is based on The 5 Love Languages book by Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor*. The website explains that when you identify the love languages preferences of yourself and the people you love, you can connect on a deeper level and understand how to fulfill needs more easily and effectively. The five outlined are acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, and physical touch.
Gift Ideas
Acts of Service
For people who receive love primarily through acts of service, it’s most meaningful when their loved ones help them out by doing things like making them breakfast, taking over a chore for them, or running an errand for them.
Cooking them a meal
Bringing them breakfast in bed
Making a “coupon book” with various chores and errands that the recipient can cash in when they want the giver to take over that task
Give them a gift card for a home cleaning service
Receiving Gifts
For people who receive love primarily through receiving gifts, they feel loved when they receive meaningful tangible items. A common misconception is that people with this love language are greedy or materialistic; however, it’s not about what the item is but about giving them a tangible reminder that they are loved. For this love language, gift-giving is a little different because it will highly vary from person to person what will mean the most.
Consider a multi-part gift that requires opening several packages. This might be something like a spa set where each package has a different self-care item or a customized puzzle where you give them the pieces over a course of days and they have to figure out how to assemble it. If you’re not feeling inspired, there’s also a resource called The Days of Gifts that sends multi-day gift packages based on a questionnaire filled out by the giver.
Subscription-based gifts are another great “gift that keeps on giving” for your gift-receiving love language loved one.
Something sentimental like a customized accessory with a photo attached to a fun memory
Quality Time
For people who receive love primarily through quality time, they feel the most loved when they get to spend uninterrupted time with their loved one.
Plan an adventure whether that’s a day trip to a nearby city or hiking or whatever other kind of excursion suits the recipient’s interests
Make a date jar (regardless of whether it’s a romantic or platonic relationship!). Get a container (if you’re feeling crafty, you can decorate it too!) and fill it with slips of paper with ideas for ways you can spend time together
Take a cooking class together
Words of Affirmation
For people who receive love primarily through words of affirmation, they feel the most loved when their loved ones share written or spoken kind and complimentary words.
Make an affirmation jar! Similar to the concept of the date jar, this involves getting a container and filling it with slips of paper with compliments and kind words about the recipient
Markup a favorite book with notes, inside jokes, and surprises like fun stickers
Commission a photo word portrait. You send the artist any words, whether that’s a favorite poem or a letter you write yourself, and a photo and they combine the two to make a beautiful sentimental gift
Physical Touch
For people who receive love primarily through physical touch, they feel the most loved when they get to be physically affectionate with their loved ones.
Buy some nice massage oils and give them a massage (this would likely be suitable only for romantic partners or close friends). If you’re not confident in your massage skills, book them a professional massage instead
Get them a weighted blanket, which many people find soothing and cozy
A “5 senses” gift where you pick out special items coordinating with each sense like their favorite snack for taste or their favorite cologne for smell
At the end of the day, the most important thing is that you put thought into your gifts because as long as you do that, it’s hard to go wrong. Even by reading this article, you clearly care about making your loved ones feel loved and are already putting thought into your gifts. Be thoughtful but don’t overthink or overly stress yourself out about it. Happy gift-giving!
*Disclaimer: ESW does not endorse the views of Gary Chapman. These examples are designed to correspond with the universal concept of the love languages and the general adoption of these concepts. For updated alternatives to the 5 love languages search "Speaking from the Heart: 18 Languages for Modern Love" by Anne Hodder-Shipp and Jaiya's “Erotic Blueprint.”
