Combating Boredom As A "Quaran-team"

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room here, folks. Social distancing is, for the most part, boring. There are only so many times you can clean your bathroom and sitting inside watching television or reading sometimes feels unfulfilling, especially as Spring begins to slowly creep in. For those of you who are quaran-teaming up with a partner, dynamics within the relationship can change drastically too by the monotony. There are, however, ways to change that.

Challenge Your Mind And Each Other

Puzzles are totally in right now, and for great reason. Staring at a screen all day can cause tension headaches and is not the most mentally engaging activity. However, puzzles encourage teamwork, creativity, organization and can give partners a sense of mutual accomplishment. Remember how proud your partner made you when they put together that IKEA coffee table. Just wait until you help them put together 1,000 pieces to make the Taj Mahal. Don’t have a puzzle at home? Create a personalized one here.

Have a Fancy Dinner with a Private Chef

Ever felt like getting creative in the kitchen but didn’t have the time to prep and conceptualize the meal? Well, now you do. Find a recipe you will both enjoy and invest the time into perfecting it. Try to use ingredients you already have in the house (for social distancing purposes) and if you need to head to the grocery store, wear a mask and wash your hands. A candlelit dinner at home, with no imminent distractions and the feeling of knowing you created something special is well worth all the dishes to clean in the end. 

Start Planning Your Dream Home

Thinking about the future right now may seem scary, especially financially. But, hey, now is a great time to talk to your partner about what your preferences are in your dream home, and, even begin building it with virtual programs. This activity will allow you to flush out differences, discover similarities and give you something to look forward to when this crisis is one day behind us. 

Foster a Pet

I cannot emphasize enough, only foster an animal if you truly want to and believe you can supply it the attention and care it needs. If you can, this would be a great time to do it. Most couples’ biggest obstacle when it comes to bringing in a new furry friend is not being home enough to care for their pet and train it. With everyone home, this is a great time to see what it would be like to be a pet owner and, if you’re ready, adopt one full-time. Besides, you have way more reasons to enjoy the outside when you’re walking around with a four legged cutie (if a pup is your thing). Chicago readers, visit one of our favorite local adoption centers.

TLDR

Mostly, if you’re quarantining with your partner, take this time to support each other and listen. Uncertainty can be paralyzing for many people, and it’s important to help one another through as much as we can. This is a time to connect, a time to nurture vulnerability, a time to explore intellectually, and a time to spend valuable time with your loved ones you may not have had in the past. But don’t be afraid to have some fun too!

Is Love Really Blind? Exploring the Reality Behind the Show

Is love truly blind? That’s the question the creators of a new reality dating show set out to explore. Warning: Spoilers ahead.

In the Netflix show Love is Blind, contestants are separated by gender and attend “dates” in separate rooms, where they can hear each other but never see each other. The premise is simple: can individuals fall in love without ever laying eyes on each other, and can that love endure once the visual element is introduced? With curiosity and a bit of skepticism, I watched the show, open to whatever insights it might reveal. The result? Six engaged couples emerged from the experience, surprising even the show’s creators. After becoming engaged, the contestants spent 30 days in Mexico before attempting to get married. While I won’t spoil the ending, here are my key takeaways from the show:

What Does Love is Blind Teach Us About Relationships?

1. The Concept is Fascinating

The idea behind Love is Blind is intriguing—it’s like The Voice, but for dating. By removing the element of physical beauty from the equation, the show challenges us to consider how important physical attraction really is in romantic relationships. After all, physical beauty, shaped by cultural standards, evolves and fades over time. Moreover, someone who might be deemed physically attractive can seem less appealing if their personality is selfish or mean-spirited. Conversely, a person might become more attractive when their personality shines through.

2. The Participants Were Universally Attractive

One notable aspect of the show is that all the participants were, by conventional standards, quite attractive. While beauty is subjective, these individuals were generally above average in terms of societal beauty norms. This raises the question: what would have happened if the show had included participants with a wider range of physical appearances, both within the U.S. and across different cultures?

3. Extraordinary Circumstances Aren’t Reality

It’s easy to fall in love when you’re isolated in a luxurious setting, free from the usual stressors of daily life. The show’s contestants lived in a sort of bubble, shielded from the realities of work, bills, family obligations, and other daily pressures. While the show did introduce the stressor of planning a wedding, the couples still existed in an environment far removed from everyday life. This setting makes it difficult to gauge how these relationships would fare in the real world, where stress and routine can heavily influence romantic dynamics.

4. The Absence of External Influences

In the show, there are no external factors demanding the couples’ attention. In reality, relationships are influenced by friends, family, work, and other responsibilities that can create complex dynamics. Without these external components, the couples on Love is Blind may have experienced a false sense of intimacy. Once these real-world factors are reintroduced, maintaining the same level of closeness and intensity in a relationship can be challenging.

Should We Take Lessons from Reality TV Love Stories?

While shows like Love is Blind are entertaining and offer interesting perspectives on relationships, it’s important to remember that they don’t represent the typical dating experience. These are everyday people “falling in love” under highly extraordinary circumstances.

So, what do you think? Is love really blind, or is physical attraction an unavoidable factor in romantic relationships? If you watched the show, we’d love to hear your thoughts. Comment below and join the conversation!

4 Important Subjects Netflix’s Sex Education Aced in Season Two

If you’re a sex nerd like me, you have undoubtedly been watching Sex Education, which just released its second season on Netflix. If you haven’t seen it, get to it! It’s a smart, charming series surrounding Otis Milburn, a teenager at an English high school, who uses the wisdom passed on from his sex therapist mother to help his classmates with a variety of sexual topics, in exchange for a small fee. As you can guess, it’s not always that simple and Otis must come to terms with his own sex life and all that comes with it. 

Season Two has featured many great, unheralded sexual topics through its cast of characters. These are the four topics I’m totally pumped they covered this season.

*Warning, spoilers ahead*

1. Sexual Trauma Episode Three

Aimee, the caring but often naïve classmate of Otis is riding the bus to school as she always does when a stranger publicly masturbates and ejaculates on her pants, causing her to get off the crowded bus. Thinking of it nothing more than an annoying way to ruin a great pair of jeans, her friend, Maeve, urges her to go to the police station and file a report. Once Aimee realizes that the situation she experienced was sexual assault, her attitude begins to change and symptoms of sexual trauma emerge. Aimee becomes terrified of the bus, repelled by physical touch, even with her partner, and confides in her friends for help.

With the prevalence of sexual assault affecting over 80% of women in their lifetime, talking about sexual trauma is more important than ever. It is also common for survivors of sexual trauma to experience physical symptoms such as difficulty sleeping, feeling disconnected from one’s body, loss of control, as well as increased depression and anxiety. Young women are particularly at risk, with current estimates indicating that 1 in 5 college-aged women will experience sexual harassment on campus. While the reality of these statistics is stark, it is important that survivors of sexual trauma can get connected with the care and resources they need. To learn more about how to support survivors, checkout the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN), the National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline, and a local hotline. 

2. Asexuality Episode Four

Florence, the a-bit-out-there star of the school production of Romeo and Juliet begins receiving pressure from her classmates to try to sleep with Jackson, the heart throb college bound jock turned thespian co-star. It is then that Florence realizes that she doesn’t just not want to have sex with Jackson, she doesn’t want to have sex with anyone. When she describes her feelings as “surrounded by a huge feast of everything I’ve wanted to eat, but I’m not hungry.” Dr. Milburn explains the concept of asexuality.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation that refers to a person who does not experience sexual attraction. We are so glad that Sex Education is increasing the visibility of asexuality, particularly because asexuality can be misunderstood and underrepresented in media. People who identify as asexual may also experience romantic or sensual attraction. Sexuality exists on a continuum and there are nuances to what each individual may experience. To learn more about asexuality and the ACE community, checkout The Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN), the world’s largest online community providing wonderful resources on asexuality. 

3. Douching Episode Six

When Anwar, the snobby but sexually vulnerable classmate of Otis, begins exploring anal sex with his boyfriend for the first time, he becomes anxious when he questions the cleanliness of his anus. He makes up an excuse to not proceed with the encounter, then asks Otis if he knows anything about how to douche.

Douching is the practice of cleansing and washing the body, in particular the genitals. The word douche, in French, means to shower -- a natural translation. Most commonly, people discuss the practice of vaginal or rectal or anal douching. Anal douching is commonly practiced to eliminate bacteria in the anus, which makes some people feel more comfortable before engaging in anal sex. Some experts warn against anal douching due to the possibility of injury and because certain cleansing agents can interfere with the electrolytes in the body by removing healthy intestinal flora that otherwise promote healthy gut health. If you are going to douche, make sure to educate yourself on the risks and engage in safety practices.

4. Vaginismus Episode Eight

Finally, in the season finale, Ola and Lily have finally begun exploring their feelings for each other and attempt digital penetration. It is then when Lily reveals to Ola that she suffers from vaginismus, which makes her vagina “like a venus fly trap.”

‘Closing up like a venus fly trap’ may not be the best clinical description of vaginismus, but for some, the spasm-like response resonates. Vaginismus is defined as the recurrent or persistent involuntary contractions (spasm) of vaginal muscles that generally results in distress and pain during sex, specifically with any type of vaginal penetration. Sexuality education, pelvic floor physical therapy, and sex therapy can be effective treatment options for vaginismus. Vaginal dilators, which were also showcased in the episode, are often incorporated during pelvic floor physical therapy to help strengthen vaginal elasticity. While not thrilled that Lily was experiencing physical discomfort during sex, I am pleased to see that vaginismus is being brought to the forefront.

I  love a show that normalizes very, well, normal sexual issues, behaviors, disorders and methods and brings them into the consciousness of the open public. Sex Education is not only funny, entertaining, sweet but also very accurate and important toward breaking sexual stigmas and learning how to talk about topics that affect us all. Way to go Netflix!