Discussing Your STI Status and Practicing Safer Sex

STIs, also known as sexually transmitted infections, are important to be aware of whether you are sexually active or not. More than 1 million STIs are acquired every day worldwide, yet there remains a stigma surrounding them and those that have them.  But shame can be reduced by learning the facts. Few STIs are life-threatening and most are treatable. Having an STI doesn’t mean that you are a ‘dirty’ person and is no different than contracting another type of infection, such as a sinus infection. Using the term ‘dirty’ is stigmatizing and hurtful. When we use the terms ‘clean’ and ‘dirty’ to describe sexual health we are implying that people with STIs are not healthy or moral people, which is not accurate and evokes shame. These terms are damaging to those who have STIs because it can make them feel as if there is something wrong with them.

Discuss Your STI Status Before You Have Sex

It can be difficult to talk to your partner about STIs, but it is an important conversation to have. Before having sex with a new partner it’s important to have a conversation about your STI status and expectations for getting tested. Even if you are using protection, such as condoms, that protect against STIs, you should regularly get tested to make sure that you are aware of your STI status. It is also critical to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page when it comes to expectations for testing and safer sex practices.

It may make you more comfortable to have this conversation in a safe and private space. Make sure that you are alone and in a place where you feel comfortable to discuss private information. If you are having trouble beginning the conversation, that is okay. Some things you can ask about are your partner’s sexual history, if they typically have sex with or without protection, what barrier methods they are open to using (e.g, internal condoms, external condoms, dental dams), when was the last time they got tested and what those results were, and if they have ever had an STI before. 

Develop Healthy Sex Practices

It is important to be open with your partner about what methods you will use to prevent STI transmission during sex. Creating an agreement is critical when beginning sex with a new partner so that you are on the same page about your expectations. Continue your dialogue about STI testing and status and make it clear that you want to engage in safer sex practices to protect against the transmisison of STIs. 

To start off these conversations it can be helpful to let your partner know that you will be able to enjoy sex more if you know that you are in agreement about your sexual practices. Do you expect you or your partner to always wear a condom or use barriers like dental dams? Asking questions like these allow for you and your partner to create a clear plan together. If you are okay with them having sex with other people make it clear. It is important to be open about expectations if you and your partner are going to be sexually monogamous or not.

Get Tested

The most important thing you can do after having an open conversation with your partner is to get tested. The CDC has extensive recommendations for how often you should get tested based on gender identity, sexual orientation, and number of sexual partners. However, it is recommended that you get tested with each new partner so that there is total transparency. Many are unaware of the “window period”, the time it takes for an STI test to read as positive after it is transmitted. While some STIs only take a week to show up in a test, others may take up to four months.

Find a Testing Site Near You

STI and Sexual Health Hotlines

Lower-risk activities

If you or your partner has an STI, or if you are not comfortable having sex right away, Planned Parenthood has a comprehensive list of lower-risk activities to be sexually intimate with another person. Some of these activities include outercourse, all sexual acts other than vaginal intercourse, and mutual masturbation, but for a comprehensive list, visit Planned Parenthood’s website.  

Remember that having an STI is nothing to be ashamed of. The best thing you can do is to encourage an open dialogue with each new partner and get tested regularly. There are a variety of options available for those who have an STI. There are treatments such as antibiotics and antiviral drugs that can help with symptoms and in some cases get rid of the infection. If you test positive for an STI remember that you are not alone. There are many resources to help you manage the outbreak.

"How Are You?" - The Question No One Knows How To Answer Right Now

Previously, “How are you?” seemed like a fairly innocuous question. Usually the phrase serves as a synonym for hello or hi. Not in 2020. Today, a simple “hello, how are you?” has become a loaded question. In more predictable times, this question might receive an automatic “good” and then the conversation moves on to something else. Now, the question is much more complicated. What would happen if you answered it honestly? If you are struggling right now, it’s okay. Don’t be afraid to let your loved ones know it.

There isn’t a single person on the planet who has not been affected in some way by COVID-19. Everyone is having to give up something or shift their routines  that may bring them comfort or security. Would it be helpful to openly talk about it? No one person’s problems are more important than another’s. During this time, no one is burdening another with their issues. Share your struggles, discuss ways you have been learning to adjust and try to find inspiration from others’ experiences. We’re all in this together. 

If you’re unemployed, you’re far from alone. Talk about it, tell people what you’re going through in filing for unemployment. They may be in the same place you are soon, and it will be helpful to know what to expect. If you’ve had to cancel a major event such as a wedding or religious ceremony, talk about what has gone into that, inspire people to take the situation more seriously in order to avoid future sacrifices of the same nature. 

It’s okay to not be okay. That’s true at all times, but now in particular. Everyone is struggling in some way, and it helps to talk about it to know we aren’t alone. When someone asks “How are you?” make that the whole conversation, not just the beginning. 

What Conversations Should You Have With Your Partner, Even If Communication Isn’t Your Strong Suit?

In healthy, fulfilling relationships, communication is key. The ability to openly discuss thoughts, fears, desires, and needs with your partner can be the difference between mere attraction and deep, lasting intimacy. But let’s be honest—communication isn’t everyone’s strong suit. So, what can you do if talking about feelings doesn’t come naturally to you? Here are four essential “check-in” conversations you can have with your partner to strengthen your connection, even if communication isn’t your thing.

Essential Conversations to Strengthen Your Relationship

1. "I have been working on ________ lately, how has that been going?"

We all have personal or professional goals we strive to achieve, and relationship goals are no different. Whether you’ve been trying to be more patient, prioritize quality time, or improve your listening skills, it’s important to check in with your partner about your progress. Ask them if they’ve noticed any changes and whether those efforts are contributing to your relationship goals. This conversation not only shows your commitment to growth but also opens the door for valuable feedback.

2. "What do you need from me?"

It’s a simple question, but it’s often one of the hardest to ask. It can also be challenging for your partner to articulate their needs, so creating a safe space for this conversation is crucial. By asking this question, you’re inviting your partner to express what they need from you—something you might not have considered. If you want to be a better partner, this is the question to ask.

3. "I really feel most connected to you when __________."

Is there an activity or moment that makes you feel particularly close to your partner? Whether it’s cooking together, taking walks, or simply having a deep conversation, let them know. Remember, no one is a mind reader. By clearly communicating what makes you feel connected, you’re giving your partner a roadmap to fostering that closeness, which can deepen your bond.

4. "I really need space when __________."

While togetherness is important, so is having space. We all need alone time now and then, and it’s crucial to communicate this to your partner. Letting your partner know when you need space helps set clear boundaries and reduces the chances of misunderstandings. By being open about your need for alone time, you create a healthier, more balanced relationship.

Why Are These Conversations Important for Your Relationship?

These four conversations may seem simple, but they are powerful tools for improving communication and building a stronger connection with your partner. By regularly checking in with each other on these topics, you create an environment of openness and mutual respect. So, even if communication isn’t your strong suit, these questions can help you and your partner navigate your relationship more effectively.

These are just a few of our favorite questions and topics to discuss with your partner in order to strengthen communication. Comment below and let us know which are your favorite conversations and check out our instagram for more information about relationship and sexual wellness!