The term “gender reveal party” has recently been trending due to an uncontrolled California wildfire caused by one of these events. Many are now wondering if we should even be having these parties at all. Here are some of the dangers of gender reveal parties.
What you are revealing is the child’s assigned sex, not their gender
Just the name of gender reveal parties are inaccurate. Gender and sex are often used interchangeably, when in fact they have different meanings. Gender is the socially constructed set of roles and behaviors that influence how we identify ourselves and others. Gender identity is fluid, meaning that there are gender identities that do not fit into our preconceived notions of woman and man, such as non-binary, genderqueer, two-spirit, and more. Sex assigned at birth, on the other hand, refers to the biological makeup of a person. Sex assigned at birth refers to a combination of chromosomes, genitalia, internal reproductive organs, sex hormones, gametes, and secondary sex characteristics. While sex assigned at birth can be determined before and during birth, gender cannot.
They place children within the binary
These parties do not only misrepresent what gender is, but they place children in the gender binary before they are born. When we place children in the binary, we don’t only take away much of their ability to grow and explore their own gender identity, but we teach them that the binary is the norm. But the binary is not the norm anymore. A 2017 study reported that 0.73% of American teenagers self-identify as transgender nationwide. About 25-35% of those that are transgender identify as non-binary, meaning that they do not identify with either gender.
If we begin to go beyond the binary, we can give our future children the ability to decide how they want to express themselves and identify. Parents can give their children a diversity of choices and opportunities to develop their gender identity. Rather than giving children who are assigned female at birth “feminine” toys, provide them with a range of toys to play with so that they can see what they enjoy for themselves. Not all “girls” like dolls and not all “boys” like sports. And maybe your child isn’t a girl or a boy, and that is okay. But give your children room to grow on their own.
They perpetuate gender stereotypes
Parents should let their children discover who they are without projecting their stereotypes of gender onto them. The blue or pink at a gender reveal represents more than assigned sex, it represents a childhood of constant stereotyping. When a parent reveals the assigned sex of their child, what follows is often a flood of gifts and advice relating to the child’s perceived gender. Like the toy example, gifts and advice are harmful because they assume that there are correct interests and life paths for a child based on their assigned sex.
This leads to concepts such as the tomboy identity, culturally defined as a “girl” who acts like a “boy”. But why even have these stereotypes? Interests and behaviors should not be gendered, and by beginning to gender interests and behaviors before a child is born, parents perpetuate these gendered stereotypes that can be harmful to children trying to navigate their own identities.
They are physically dangerous
Not only are these parties dangerous socially and culturally, but they are also dangerous physically. Last week, a family in California set off a “smoke-generating pyrotechnic device” which caused an ongoing fire in the California wilderness. This fire has continued to spread uncontrollably and California skies have turned orange due to the fire. This phenomenon of gender reveals causing physical injuries is not new, methods for the “big reveal” of a child’s assigned sex have caused physical injuries and disasters on many occasions.
This isn’t to say that we should cancel parties honoring a future child. However, we should be careful about the language that we are using and refrain from defaulting to societal norms surrounding stereotypes and the idea of the binary.
