Self Love

4 Ways to Feel at Home in Your Body as a Queer Person

It’s no secret that navigating the world as a queer person can be a messy, challenging process. Systems of oppression such as homophobia, fatphobia, racism, transphobia, and misogyny, among others, constantly tell marginalized people that their existence is incorrect, not least of all their physical form. Additionally, capitalism thrives on solving issues that it convinces you that you have. With all of this combined, it’s even tougher for queer people than most to feel at home in their bodies. This is in no way the fault of the individual, and yet the individual is the only one who can ultimately change the reality of their attitude. That’s not to downplay the difficulty of the task and hopefully this article can help guide you as you endeavor to feel more at peace in your own skin. 

Surround yourself with supportive people (and media) 

Your environment, both in person and online, directly affects your mental wellbeing. If you spend every day around people or following people on social media who espouse hateful rhetoric that makes you feel worse about yourself, that is not someone who should be part of your life if you have the choice. Of course, it might not always be a choice, such as if you still live with/depend on someone who makes you feel worse about your body. In that instance, try to spend as much time as possible with people who are a positive influence, whether that means finding them through an activity of mutual interest for example or perhaps

Intentionally connect with your body through meditation

Meditation and physical activity both require an intentional awareness of the body which can, in turn, make you feel more in control and more in tune with your body. A popular meditative practice is a body scan meditation. Insight Timer has an LGBTQ+ specific 5 minute body scan meditation.  

Start with body neutrality instead of body positivity 

There’s no one correct way to exist in your body. Body positivity works for some people and that’s great; for others, though, it’s a daunting prospect to go from body dysmorphia or hatred to the polar opposite. Body neutrality is a “philosophy of embodiment that sought to shift focus away from how our bodies look and toward how they can make us feel good.” In other words, instead of focusing on loving our physical form as opposed to hating it, the focus is shifted away from aesthetics entirely and towards the amazing things your body allows you to do.

Work on somatic/embodiment therapy with a queer affirming provider 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by trying to improve your relationship with your body, you might consider seeking out somatic therapy under the guidance of a queer affirming provider. Somatic therapy is “a form of body-centered therapy that looks at the connection of mind and body… In addition to talk therapy, somatic therapy practitioners use… physical techniques to help release the pent-up tension that negatively affects a patient’s physical and emotional wellbeing.” This type of therapy can take many different forms so it might take some searching to find the right therapist for you. For guidance on finding a specifically queer affirming provider, check out this article.

Journeying to feel at home in your body is no easy task and you should take a moment to appreciate yourself and the hard work that you’re doing. This journey has no final destination and will likely last a lifetime but with the right community and tools, finding bodily peace is not beyond reach.   

Give Yourself the Gift of Self Compassion This Holiday Season

holiday gift

In case you haven’t heard Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer and his friends spinning tunes on the radio or seen the decked out evergreen firs around town yet, the holiday season is upon us. While the holidays are often a time when people are encouraged to spread joy and be generous to others, the intense pressure of “giving enough” and showing up for our families can really amount for a lousy holiday if we forget about our own self-care. Here are a few tips to help you toast to a healthy holiday season!

  1. It is perfectly okay if you don’t feel like being joyful this time of year. Maybe the holiday season reminds you of a painful event in your life or you don't have any family nearby to celebrate with — there’s no reason you should have to take a ride on the holly jolly trolly if you aren’t feeling up to it. Instead, spend some time nourishing you and doing something cathartic like reading a book, meeting a friend for coffee, going ice skating or watching a new movie.

  2. If you are purchasing holiday gifts, stick to a budget that makes sense for you and do not spend more than you can afford. Spending extra now when you truly cannot afford it may lead to resentment and financial hardship later. Consider giving the gift of your time, a heartfelt card or experiences that can be financed over time like concert tickets. By following a strict budget for holiday shopping, you can walk into the new year feeling more financially stable and confident!

  3. Holiday travel can be hectic. If you are traveling this holiday season — be gentle to yourself and come prepared with calming essentials. Calming essentials are go-to items that will help you stay calm and bring you peace amidst chaotic circumstances. Not sure where to start? Now is the time to start packing. Some recommendations may include: your water bottle, tea or hot chocolate mix, positively energizing tunes, essential oils, hand salve/lotion, a cozy scarf or blanket, a favorite photo album (electronic may be best for traveling), a you-approved selection of podcasts/audiobooks/books, and don’t forget your favorite snacks!

  4. Prioritize YOU-time. So often, we are expected to show up to holiday parties to socialize and be “on” which can be draining, even for extroverts. If you have a lot of social events that you anticipate will zap your energy, take some time to plan lots of YOU-time before and afterwards to recharge and recover. While it may sound trivial to schedule YOU-time, you will thank yourself later and be glad you did. When we push ourselves too hard while running on empty, we are more prone to experience stress. Take the time this holiday season to get the rest you need and take care of you. That way, you’ll be more fun to be around later when you rejoin the group!

  5. Know what would be absolutely perfection this holiday seasons? Letting go of perfection. It is far too easy to get caught up in a holiday headspace that is populated by Pinterest, but it’s less easy to actually create in real life. Instead of trying to make your holiday table look exactly like the one you pinned and have been admiring for weeks, try to focus on one element that feels special for you. Maybe making your grandmother’s recipe or hanging an heirloom ornament on the tree is really important or perhaps spending time with family or going to the movies is your thing. Instead of focusing on ‘having it all’, try to consider which aspect will bring you the most meaning and aim to make that one thing possible. Remember #managingexpectations makes for a better-than-perfect holiday!

No matter where you find yourself this holiday season, remember to give yourself the gift of self-compassion - YOU deserve it!

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Forget your resolutions...Here's how to live your best life in 2018

New Years resolutions are not for everyone. Historically, New Years resolutions have been a catalyst for excitement and inspiration that are eventually followed by defeat and disappointment. Most often because many resolutions tend to be drastic changes or overly ambitious. It is no surprise that statistics show that only 9% of people report feeling successful in achieving their resolutions. Then there's the attitude shift. When we focus on creating a 'resolution',  sometimes that implies that we are doing something wrong already and the attitude puts a damper on the experience. While the intention of New Years resolutions is often self-improvement, the process feels difficult to grasp at times. Here's another suggestion... ready? Back away from the resolution-making. Instead, redirect your energy towards reflection about your innermost passions and desires! Our passions and desires are important to us and we don't often think about them while we are wrapped up in holiday shopping or office parties, so the New Year brings us quite the invitation.

What are you passionate about discovering in 2018?

How do you wish to spend this year ahead?

If you value family time, perhaps consider what opportunities you can create in the year ahead to fill up your cup. Or, maybe you truly want to travel on an international adventure and explore Eastern Asia... why not start planning now?

Living your best life in 2018 is all about living your life the way you want to, which happens when you follow your passions and desires. So grab a pen and maybe a cup of tea and get to reflecting! I hope you live your best life yet!