Compromise is typically a good way to navigate relationship disagreements, but what about when it comes to kids? There’s no way to have half a child or only parent them for half of their life. Being responsible for a human life is a huge decision and navigating disagreement around it is understandably stressful. Hopefully this guide will help you navigate it as effectively as possible.
Remember that kids aren’t the answer to your relationship problems
Think and talk about the relationship itself. Is it strong and allowing you to grow as a person? Do you feel like your best self in the relationship? If you’re looking to have kids in the hopes it will bring you and your partner together, definitely step back and reconsider both because it will more than likely cause more strain on the relationship.
Ask yourself the hard questions and then ask each other
What are you hoping kids will bring to your life that you don’t experience now?
What are you afraid of if you do have kids?
What happened in your parents’ or caregivers’ marriages after having kids?
Will you feel unfulfilled if you don’t have kids?
Will you resent your partner if you do have kids and end up with a responsibility you may not want?
What hesitations do you have about having kids and are there ways to compromise to work around them?
Remember that this is you and your partner versus the problem at hand, not you versus your partner
Avoid ultimatums
Ultimatums are no good for anyone. Threats are not the way to make a life changing decision and will only breed resentment.
See a professional
Some problems are simply too big to tackle yourself and there’s no reason to white knuckle through it. Talking to a therapist like the ones at Embrace Sexual Wellness is a great start to navigating this disagreement.
Don’t go in with an agenda; go in with an open mind and open ears
If you try to get combative right from the start, it will only create more tension.
Recognize when it’s healthier to split ways
Breakups usually aren’t easy, especially when they’re not due to a lack of love. Sometimes, you might just be fundamentally incompatible and staying in a relationship like that won’t allow you to get your needs met
Sacrificing your happiness is a lose-lose situation. Everyone involved deserves to find happiness and to have their needs met
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