Disclosing an STI: Tips on How to Tell Partners

Beginning a new romantic relationship can be an exciting and nerve-racking experience. As you get to know someone on a deeper level, it's natural to consider when and how to disclose personal information, including your sexual health status. If you have a sexually transmitted infection (STI), the question of when to disclose can feel daunting. This blog will discuss some considerations for navigating disclosure and finding the right time to share your STI status with a partner. Here are some things to consider before disclosing:

Understand the Importance of Disclosure  

The first step in navigating disclosure is understanding the importance of being honest and transparent with your partner about your STI status. Some people may wonder, do I legally need to disclose my STI? In some jurisdictions, disclosing your STI status is an ethical responsibility and a legal requirement. It allows your partner to make informed decisions about their sexual health, such as choosing a partner, understanding potential health risks, and taking necessary precautions, like using condoms or other barrier methods and keeping an eye out for sores, redness, or other STI symptoms. Additionally, open and honest communication about sexual health fosters trust and intimacy in a relationship.

Educate Yourself about Your STI

Educating yourself about your STI before disclosing your status is important. Understand how it's transmitted, the potential symptoms, treatment options, and ways to reduce the risk of transmission. This will enable you to have an informed conversation with your potential partner and answer any questions they may have.

Consider the Timing

When it comes to disclosure, timing is crucial. There's no one-size-fits-all answer as to when is the "right" time to disclose, as it depends on the dynamics of each relationship. Oftentimes, it can be helpful to have the conversation outside of a sexually charged environment and when both partners appear to be in an amiable mood. It's generally recommended to have a chat before any sexual activity occurs. This allows you and your partner to make informed decisions about the level of risk you're comfortable with. In contrast, having the conversation right before sex or after sex may produce mistrust between partners.

Create a Safe Space for Conversation  

You may be asking yourself if it is okay to disclose via text. Texting may not be the best option unless you are questioning your safety due to revealing it. Creating a safe conversation space is important when you decide to tell your STI status. Choose a private and neutral setting where you and your partner can feel comfortable and relaxed. Be open, non-judgmental, and willing to listen to their concerns or questions. Remember that the conversation should be two-way, allowing both parties to express their feelings and concerns.

Be Honest and Transparent

Honesty and transparency are the values at the heart of this concept we are exploring. Provide accurate information about your STI, including how you acquired it, if you're currently on treatment, and what steps you take to manage it. Avoid any temptation to downplay or minimize your STI status, as this can erode trust in the relationship.

For example, your conversation may sound like, “I want to have an open and honest conversation with you because I value our relationship and believe in transparency. Recently, I was diagnosed with [specific STI]. I want you to know I am taking proactive steps to manage my health, including following the recommended treatment plan and practicing safe sex. I understand the importance of disclosing this information to you so that you can make informed decisions about your health. I am here to answer any questions you may have and respect whatever decision you make moving forward. Our health and well-being are both important, and I believe that open communication is crucial in maintaining trust and understanding in our relationship.”

Anticipate Reactions and Prepare for Possible Outcomes

You may wonder if disclosing your STI will be a dealbreaker for your relationship. It's important to be prepared for various reactions from your potential partner when disclosing your STI status. They may have questions, concerns, or emotional responses. They may need time to process the information, seek further information, or discuss it with their healthcare provider. Be patient and understanding, allowing them to process their feelings.

Respect Your Partner's Decision

After disclosing your STI status, you must respect your partner's decision, whatever it may be. They may choose to continue the relationship with appropriate precautions, or they may decide that they're not comfortable moving forward sexually. Respecting their boundaries and choices without pressuring or guilt-tripping them is important. Remember that everyone has the right to decide about their sexual health.

Take Necessary Precautions

You may wonder if it is safe to continue dating someone who has disclosed an STI. If you and your partner are sexually active, consider taking precautions to prevent the transmission of STIs. This may include using condoms or other barrier methods, getting regular STI screenings, and following recommended treatment plans, such as taking an antiviral, if applicable. It's important to communicate openly with your partner about sexual health and continuously assess and mitigate the risk of transmission.

Prioritize Self-Care

Living with an STI can be emotionally challenging, and disclosure can bring up a lot of emotions. It's essential to prioritize self-care and seek support when needed. This may include talking to a therapist, joining support groups, or confiding in trusted friends or family members. Taking care of your emotional well-being can help you navigate disclosure and build healthy relationships.

Remember That Your STI Does Not Define You 

So is having an STI a big deal? It's important to remember that your STI status does not define your worth and value. Having an STI does not make you any less deserving of love, respect, and fulfilling relationships. It's just one aspect of your life. Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion as you navigate disclosure and relationships.

Takeaway

Disclosing your STI status to a sexual partner can be a challenging but necessary step in building healthy relationships. With open communication, mutual respect, and understanding, building meaningful and fulfilling relationships is possible while managing your sexual health. Remember that every situation is unique, and it's essential to consult with a healthcare professional or a qualified therapist for personalized guidance and support in navigating disclosure and managing your sexual health.

Sexual Senescence: How Sexuality Changes with Age and What to Do About It

The only constant in life is change and sexuality is no exception. Over the course of a lifetime, a litany of factors will affect one’s sexuality and relationship with sex, including, but not limited to, age, biological sex, physical ability, hormonal changes, life circumstances, body image, and trauma. Even though it is common for one’s sexuality to evolve over a lifetime, the relationship between aging and sex, sometimes referred to as “sexual senescence,” remains shrouded in taboo and misconceptions. One such ageist misconception is that seniors do not experience sexual desire or have sex. This is an inaccurate assessment, many seniors do maintain a thriving sex life. In fact, many people feel that they have a more fulfilling sex life in older age because they know more about what they like and how to communicate it. This article is for seniors who want to have sex but are feeling limited by the effects of senescence. It will discuss the common limitations for seniors interested in having sex and how to address them.     

How does sex change with age?

Changes in sexual function are a common part of the aging process, though they are not universally experienced in the same way by all individuals. The impact of menopause and andropause is a key factor influencing sexual health and desire in later life. Medically speaking, menopause officially begins 12 months after a menstruating person’s last period. That being said, menopause is preceded by perimenopause, which can also present with symptoms that are disruptive to your sex life like lower libido. Menopausal people might experience vaginal dryness, atrophy, or a drop in estrogen levels, which can impact their enjoyment of sex. Similarly, andropausal people may experience a drop in testosterone levels and accordingly, erectile dysfunction which could impact their enjoyment of sex.

How can I improve my sexual health during aging?

Fortunately, there are some interventions to help with these hormonal changes. Lubricants, regular moisturizing, longer foreplay and estrogen therapy can help relieve vaginal dryness brought on by menopause. Andropause can cause erectile dysfunction which can be addressed with medications and healthful habits. Such medical interventions include testosterone therapy and oral medications like sildenafil or tadalafil. Consider talking to your doctor about your specific concerns and how to best address them.

Does sexual dysfunction increase with age?

Due to hormonal changes and other factors such as disability, medication, and energy levels, low libido is not uncommon among seniors. Depending on the cause of your low libido, the intervention will look different. Fortunately, you do not have to simply resign yourself to these obstacles and there are options for addressing low libido and desire discrepancy in a relationship.  

How do you maintain sexual health in older age?

Since conception is often less relevant in late adulthood, some people are tempted to take fewer precautions to practice safer sex. Unfortunately, age does not protect people from contracting sexually transmitted infections. This means it’s still important to use safer sex practices. Condoms, vaccinations, and regular testing are great ways to minimize the risk of STI transmission. 

 An active, fulfilling sex life is possible at any age. What is normal for one person or partnership varies, so it is most important to figure out how to approach sexuality as you age based on your specific needs. Remember that penetrative sex is not the only way to be intimate with someone. You could explore using sex toys, trying more solo and/or mutual masturbation, giving each other massages, oral sex, or skin to skin cuddling. As your needs, wants, and capabilities evolve, your approach to addressing them has to evolve too. If you have limitations due to aging that prevent you from engaging in specific sexual activities, that does not mean forgoing a great sex life.   

Takeaways

The most important part of navigating your evolving relationship with sexuality is to keep an open line of communication between you and your partner(s) about what you want and what works best for you in approaching your sex life. If you need emotional and logistical support figuring out how to supplement your sex life, consider working with a therapist.    

How to Manage Limiting beliefs and Negative Self-Talk

As the old saying goes, you are your own worst critic. Most people experience some form of negative self-talk and limiting beliefs. Negative self-talk is the inner voice that says self-defeating things like “I can’t do anything right,” or “I am not good at communication.” This internal dialogue serves to validate your core beliefs about yourself, which turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy. For instance, if one of your core beliefs is that you are unlovable, your brain will fixate on the experiences that validate that belief to the exclusion of examples that counteract that belief. When you fixate on those examples, you get stuck in a cycle in which your core beliefs affect your interpretation of the world around you, which in turn reaffirms the core beliefs.

What is a limiting belief?

Limiting beliefs are intertwined with negative self-talk; they are your internal beliefs that you take as absolute truths about what you are or aren’t capable of, how the world works, and how you interact with people. Limiting beliefs often keep us from straying from our comfort zone because it’s easier, less risky, and acts as a defense from hurt and disappointment. Protection from hurt sounds like a good thing, but the word limiting is part of the phrase for a reason. When there is nothing ventured, there is nothing gained. In other words, your limiting beliefs could be preventing you from achieving your goals. Our beliefs are often rooted in childhood experiences, family beliefs, and life experiences. 

An example of a limiting belief is “I’m not good at leadership.” Often, these beliefs are rooted in emotions tied to the past and not rooted in actual evidence. This differs from negative self-talk in that it reflects your beliefs about what you’re capable of as opposed to negative self-talk about your character. Even if there is evidence to support them, that doesn’t mean they are immutable truths. Just because you have not historically been a leader in team dynamics, does not mean you are incapable or unable to try it and learn how to do it.

How do I let go of negative self-talk?

When you engage with negative self-talk and limiting beliefs, it can negatively impact self-confidence, motivation, and achieving what you want. If you experience negative self-talk and limiting beliefs, there are steps you can take to address them and reframe your mindset for the better.

Be intentional about noticing which negative thoughts and beliefs come up habitually

It’s hard to address a problem without fully understanding what it is you want to change. Make a list of the recurring negative thoughts you have about yourself and your capabilities. Then, you can try to identify the origin of these beliefs, which will further flesh out your understanding of what you need to unlearn and how you got to believe these thoughts in the first place.  

Fake it until you make it

Nothing changes if nothing changes. Something has to give when you try to break out of a destructive pattern and that will be uncomfortable. When you go through the motions of counteracting negative thoughts with more positive ones, even if you don’t believe the positive thoughts yet, you will eventually start to believe them after practicing. Remember that your thoughts are not an immutable reality. When you start to recognize that they are just thoughts and that they do not have to control everything you do, you can start to liberate yourself from your inner critic. Sometimes the best way to retrain your brain is to change your behavior first and let the thoughts follow. The caveat to this approach is that the positive affirmations need to be realistic in order for it to be achievable for you to eventually believe them. If you, for example, experience negative self-talk about your appearance, instead of counteracting that with something like “I am the most beautiful person ever,” try something like “I am enough regardless of my appearance.” Another way to utilize “faking it until you make it” is by going for opportunities that your limiting beliefs would have you think you are unqualified for. Go for that promotion or ask that person out; if you wait to do what you want until you are not scared anymore, you will be waiting a long time. If you want to do it, you can do it scared.  

Shift from negativity to neutrality

Making the leap from negative thoughts to totally positive thoughts is daunting! Instead, try “moving toward the task” instead of trying to complete it in one move. Shifting from negative thoughts to more neutral thoughts is a great way to move towards positivity! The changes you make do not need to be seismic to be effective. It is unrealistic and overwhelming to strive for perfection immediately so give yourself credit for any progress you are making.

Let the thoughts simply pass by instead of engaging with them

When we get stuck ruminating over a thought, it feels all-consuming. There is a dialectical behavioral therapy skill called ”teflon mind” which encourages you to simply observe your negative thoughts rather than engaging with them and prolonging the internalization. Your thoughts do not define you and you do not need to take every single one to heart. 

Takeaways

Even after working on it, you will probably still have negative thoughts sometimes. It’s a natural part of being human, especially if your negative self-talk and limiting beliefs have existed for a long time. Something established over years and years cannot be broken down in a few weeks, months, or a few years. If you try some of the approaches listed above and continue to feel overwhelmed by negative self-talk and limiting beliefs, you should consider finding a therapist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT is a form of therapy that involves restructuring how you think and perceive the world around you, particularly turning negative thoughts into positive thoughts. Negative thinking can take a toll on mental health and well being so trying to change them can improve your life quality greatly.