What to Know Before Sharing Sexual Fantasies With a Partner

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

Fantasies are a natural part of human sexuality. They can be exciting, fulfilling, and even play a crucial role in maintaining a healthy and satisfying intimate relationship. However, sharing your fantasies with a partner can be a delicate matter. In this blog, we will explore the intricacies of sharing fantasies, addressing the questions of whether you should tell your partner about your fantasies, the best ways to open up to your partner, and how to deal with obsessive sexual thoughts. We'll also emphasize the importance of understanding that fantasies are not necessarily a reflection of unmet sexual needs or dissatisfaction.

Fantasy Is Not Reality

Before we dive into the details of sharing fantasies, it's essential to understand that what makes a fantasy a fantasy is precisely that it is not reality. Fantasies are products of our imagination, shaped by desires, curiosities, and the freedom to explore scenarios that may never come to fruition in our daily lives. Some are even impossible to play out in real life. Importantly, fantasies do not inherently indicate any deficiencies in our sexual relationships or unfulfilled needs. Embracing this concept can alleviate any anxieties you may have about sharing your fantasies and help you appreciate them as a unique aspect of your sexuality.

Should I Tell My Partner About My Fantasy?

The decision to share your fantasies with your partner is a personal one and depends on various factors including your level of comfort, trust, and the nature of your relationship. Here are some tips to help you decide:

Assess Trust and Communication Strength 

A strong foundation of trust and open communication is vital in any relationship. If you feel safe and secure with your partner, sharing your fantasies can enhance intimacy and deepen your connection.

Engage in Mutual Exploration

Sharing fantasies can be an exciting way to explore each other's desires and deepen your sexual connection. It can lead to discovering shared interests and preferences, which can improve your overall sexual satisfaction.

Respect One Another’s Boundaries

It's crucial to respect your partner's boundaries. Not everyone is comfortable hearing about explicit fantasies, so approach the conversation with sensitivity. Gauge their reaction and be prepared to stop or adjust the conversation if they seem uncomfortable.

Center Consent

Always ensure that any fantasies you wish to explore involve consensual activities. Consent is paramount in any sexual exploration, so that all partners can feel comfortable and enthusiastic about trying new things.

How do I Share my Fantasies with my Partner?

Sharing your fantasies with your partner can be a fulfilling experience if done with care and consideration. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to approach this conversation.

1. Choose the Right Time and Place.

Find a quiet, private setting where both you and your partner can feel relaxed and comfortable. Timing matters too. Avoid discussing sensitive topics during arguments or stressful moments. During these moments, you or your partner may be emotionally flooded and find it difficult to navigate the topic in a way that feels good to both of you.

2. Express Your Desires Clearly.

Clearly and honestly communicate your fantasies. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and desires without placing blame or pressure on your partner. Remember that the point of this is to share your desires, not to project guilt onto your partner for not meeting these previously uncommunicated needs. If your partner feels blame and pressure coming from you, it could work against your hopes for being understood and may inhibit future conversations.

3. Listen Actively.

Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings about your fantasies. Active listening fosters understanding and empathy, making it easier to find common ground.

4. Stay Open to Feedback.

Your partner may have their own fantasies, ideas, or reactions. Be receptive to their input and consider how you can mutually explore new experiences together. It can be vulnerable to share your innermost sexual desires. If they respond by sharing their own desires, be prepared to respond to them in a way that you would hope they respond to you. Curiosity keeps doors open, judgment and reactivity tend to close them.

5. Take It Slow.

Don't rush into acting on your fantasies. Take your time to build trust and ensure both you and your partner are comfortable with any new experiences.

How Do I Address Obsessive Thoughts About Fantasies?

While fantasies are a healthy part of human sexuality, they can sometimes become obsessive or intrusive. Here are some strategies to manage obsessive thoughts about your fantasies:

Self-Reflect

Take some time to reflect on the nature of your fantasies. Are they causing distress or interfering with your daily life? Are they getting in the way of completing work or other day-to-day functioning? Understanding your own feelings and their impact on your functioning can be the first step in addressing obsessive thoughts.

Seek Professional Help

If obsessive thoughts about your fantasies are causing you significant distress or affecting your mental health, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and support tailored to your specific situation.

Communicate Clearly

If you feel comfortable, discuss your obsessive thoughts with your partner. They may offer emotional support and understanding, helping you alleviate any concerns.

Engage in Mindfulness or Distraction

Engaging in mindfulness techniques or distracting activities when obsessive thoughts arise can be effective in managing them. Redirect your focus to the present moment or immerse yourself in a different activity.

Takeaway

Sharing fantasies with your partner can be a rewarding journey that deepens your intimacy and connection. Approach the conversation with sensitivity and prioritize open communication. The beauty of fantasy lies in its divergence from reality. Remember that your fantasies are a part of your individuality, not a reflection of any inadequacies in your relationship. By sharing your fantasies, you may discover new dimensions to your intimacy and embark on exciting adventures together. 

10 Erotic TV Series to Watch with Your Partner This Fall

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

In intimate relationships, the concept of eroticism holds a special allure that fuels passion and desire between partners. While physical intimacy plays a vital role, psychogenic arousal is also important. Psychogenic arousal, often referred to as mental or psychological arousal, is the process of creating sexual excitement through non-physical means. This form of arousal centers on stimulating the mind, emotions, and imagination, making it a powerful tool for enhancing sexual intimacy in relationships. This blog explores erotic TV shows that partners can watch together to help build eroticism in their relationships. So, the next time you and your partner are wondering what to watch next, try something from this list!

Note: These shows contain explicit sexual content, nudity, and adult themes. Viewer discretion is advised, and it's important to consider individual comfort levels and boundaries before watching them together as partners.

1. Masters of Sex

Set in the 1950s, this show delves into the groundbreaking research of Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, pioneers in the field of human sexuality. The series explores the complexities of sexual desire, intimacy, and the psychology of arousal. Through their studies, the show presents explicit and thought-provoking depictions of sexual experiences, providing couples with a deep understanding of the various facets of human sexuality.

*Available (for purchase) on AppleTV, Prime, and Vudu.

2. Outlander

Combining historical drama with elements of fantasy, Outlander follows the passionate love story of Claire and Jamie Fraser. The show features intense romantic and sexual scenes, often showcasing the profound connection and desire between the main characters. The vivid portrayal of their relationship and their exploration of physical and emotional intimacy make it an enticing choice for couples seeking an arousing and emotionally charged viewing experience.

*Available on Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Netflix.

3. Black Sails

Set in the golden age of piracy, Black Sails is an adventure-filled drama that intertwines thrilling storylines with erotic undertones. The show portrays the lives of pirates and their romantic and sexual escapades. Through captivating narratives and alluring characters, it combines action, drama, and sensual elements, offering a compelling viewing experience for couples seeking excitement and a touch of the “forbidden”.

*Available on Hulu and Amazon Prime.

4. The Affair

This provocative drama explores the complexities of relationships and infidelity. The show delves into the intense emotional and sexual connections formed outside of committed partnerships. By delving into the motivations and consequences of illicit desires, The Affair stimulates discussions about monogamy, sexual exploration, and the multifaceted nature of human eroticism.

*Available on Paramount +, Hulu, and Amazon Prime.

5. Easy

An anthology series set in Chicago, Easy explores the intricate web of modern love, relationships, and sexual encounters. The show portrays a range of characters and their diverse experiences with sex, intimacy, and desire. With its realistic and relatable approach to exploring human connections, Easy prompts couples to reflect on their own desires, fantasies, and the challenges of maintaining intimacy.

*Available on Netflix.

6. You Me Her

This unique romantic comedy takes an unconventional approach by exploring a three-way relationship. The show delves into the dynamics of polyamory, love, and sexual exploration. It navigates the complexities of jealousy, self-discovery, and unconventional desires, creating an enticing viewing experience for couples open to exploring alternative relationship dynamics and the boundaries of traditional monogamy.

*Available on Amazon Prime.

7. Sex/Life

This steamy drama follows the journey of a suburban mother who reflects on her past sexual escapades while seeking passion in her present life. With its explicit and visually captivating scenes, the show explores the complexities of desire, fantasy, and longing for excitement. It ignites conversations about rekindling sexual desire within long-term relationships and the interplay between passion and domesticity.

*Available on Netflix.

8. Elite

A Spanish thriller set in an exclusive private school, Elite explores a web of relationships, secrets, and forbidden desires. The show's intriguing plot intertwines with explicit depictions of sexual encounters, exploring themes of attraction, lust, and the exploration of hidden desires. Through its alluring and intense scenes, Elite provides an exciting and stimulating viewing experience for couples seeking suspense, mystery, and passionate encounters.

*Available on Netflix.

9. Sex Education

This comedy-drama series centers around a socially awkward teenager who starts an underground sex therapy clinic at his high school. Through its exploration of various adolescent sexual experiences, the show provides a mix of humor and thought-provoking moments. It delves into topics such as sexual identity, consent, and communication while offering insights into the complexities of human desire and relationships.

*Available on Netflix.

10. P-Valley

Set in a Mississippi Delta strip club, P-Valley explores the lives of the dancers and their personal journeys. The show portrays the sensuality, empowerment, and vulnerabilities of the characters, highlighting the role of sexuality and eroticism in their profession. With its captivating performances and intimate moments, P-Valley delves into the themes of identity, self-expression, and the pursuit of desires.

*Available on Hulu and Amazon Prime.

Takeaway

Whether you and your partner are going for steamy, funny, mysterious, alluring, adventurous, or romantic, you’ll find it all on this list. Pay attention to those moments that make your brain and insides churn with sexual excitement. You can initiate sexual intimacy, sexy conversation, fantasy talk, or whatever else fun and new comes to mind to explore while watching binge-worthy shows. Finding new and fun ways to spice up your sex life is always worth it – give it a go and see what happens!

How to Manage Family Pressure During the Holiday Season

It is hard to believe that the holiday season is just around the corner. The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of unfettered joy but it can also bring about significant stress and pressure, especially when it comes to spending an elongated period with family. Whether that is due to intrusive questions, unsupportive attitudes towards lifestyle and identity, complex interpersonal dynamics, or some combination of factors, dealing with family drama can quickly become overwhelming. In this article, we will explore practical tips on how to manage family stress and maintain your wellbeing so you can enjoy yourself to the fullest extent possible.

How do you deal with family pressure during the holidays?

Set clear boundaries beforehand

Boundaries are important year-round, but especially when you anticipate spending extra time together. Boundaries typically fall into the following categories: physical, time, conversational, content, emotional, material, and sexual and there are plenty of resources that dive deeper into what those look like and how to communicate them.  

Create an escape plan

Having the option to get away, even temporarily, can relieve some of the pressure because you know you have a way out if all goes wrong. Maybe this means going on a walk, finding a quiet room to decompress (and, if necessary, asking the host ahead of time which room you can use), volunteering to run an errand, or asking a friend if you can hang out with them if you need to leave entirely. 

Cope ahead

Coping ahead entails preparing ahead of time for an anticipated stressor so you do not need to scramble to figure out how to help yourself in the stressful moment itself. A great resource is a portable “coping kit;” the contents will vary from person to person but the goal is to equip yourself with tools to help you keep your cool. Some ideas for what to include in a coping kit are something that smells nice (e.g., an herbal sachet), a fidget toy, a photo that makes you happy, and something you can taste like candy or gum.      

Prepare (your response) ahead of time

If there are sensitive, tense subjects that your family often brings up such as your relationship status, family planning decisions, eating habits, or your identity, it is wise to plan how you might respond to them. Here’s an example of what you could say: “I know you do not mean harm, but talking about [insert topic] makes me uncomfortable. If I am ready to broach that topic with you in the future, I will. I would ask that you refrain from bringing it up until that time. If you continue to try to speak about it with me, I will need to remove myself from the conversation [or insert alternative here].”  

Lean on supportive individuals

In advance of the event, identify family members or friends who are empathetic and understanding. Ideally, this is someone who will also be at the gathering, but it is helpful to have someone available digitally as well. Give that person a heads up that you may need to rely on them a bit more than usual on whatever date(s) and how they can best support you. The advantage of arranging this in advance is that they can let you know if that is doable for them and so you both know what exactly would be helpful. 

Distinguish between tension versus a toxic environment

There are sometimes hazy lines between typical family stress and a toxic, abusive environment. There is so much societal pressure and expectation to endlessly put up with family simply because they are family. Often, survivors are accused of being unkind or ungrateful for walking away. There is nothing wrong with deciding that spending time with family hurts you more than helps you, and that you do not want to attend gatherings at all. Your priority is to protect yourself and your wellbeing, even if that means distance from family.  

TLDR 

The holiday season can be a challenging time when it comes to family pressure and stress. Intrusive questions and difficult relatives on top of the logistical stress of organizing and partaking in an event can take a toll on mental wellbeing. By setting boundaries, making a coping plan, and relying on your support network, you can empower yourself to handle these challenges more effectively.