Texting, Sexting and All Thing Tech: How to Use Our Devices With Love In Mind

We've all done it and we're all guilty of it. Enjoying and utilizing our devices. It's impossible not to these days. Whether we are expected to be on-call for our employer or we are having a rapid fire texting conversation with a friend, it's hard to distance ourselves from our ever-so-smart phones, tablets and laptops.

Honestly, it's very hard to make a case as to why we should distance ourselves from our devices. Especially when we are often rewarded for being technologically savvy; knowing how to use our devices to share or acquire information via the internet is a skill. There are millions of jobs that have been created in technology, social media and marketing because of the fast-paced internet driven world we live in. So I'm not going to tell you to put your devices down. Rather, my hope is to share with you a few ways we can use our devices to turn up the heat in our relationships!

Turn up the heat with a thoughtful message. Randomly sending your partner a quick message or leaving a voicemail lets them know that you're thinking about them. Be sure to include a specific reason..."I just heard about this awesome new exhibit and I know how much you love contemporary art. I couldn't help but think of you. Hope you're having a great day!"

Snap a photo to spark the warm and fuzzies. See a cute puppy or mural on your way to work that you know your partner would adore? Take a quick photo and send it to them to let them know they're in your thoughts. Just be careful to hold off while driving!

Speak their language. Is your partner an avid baseball fan? Find out when his or her team is playing and check the score midway through the game. Shoot your partner a text letting them know you're glad their team is up by 4 or you're sorry their boys are getting slammed, will certainly catch their attention.

Reminisce about the early days. One of the greatest features about our devices is that they are capable of backing up and storing our messages (if we want them to). If possible, upload your message history and revisit a time when you and your partner did not know each other as well. Print out a segment of your messages and read through them together. It will be a nice surprise and you can share your reactions about what you were like back then. **If you don't have a history of messages or emails, simply share a memory of how you experienced one another during courtship.

Anticipate their company. Let your partner know you are looking forward to seeing them later (or whenever you expect to see them next). This builds anticipation for you and them, which will make reuniting feel that much more exciting.

There are plenty of ways to use our devices to spark excitement and rev up the romance in our relationships. A little bit of mindfulness can go a long way when it comes to the way we text/call/beep/or snap. Having a tough time remembering to message your sweetie? Try setting a reminder on your device or marking your calendar to use one of these tips!

The Beginner's Guide to Energetic Love

Energetic Love has the capability to transform our relationships. This stems from understanding that love is not simply a noun - a product of something we create, but also a verb. Love is an ongoing and evolving process. Energetic love is the act of loving (with energy).

We energize our love by increasing our awareness of ourselves and our partners and through this insight, we are able to love more intentionally and authentically. Energetic love also implies that loving itself requires energy, which is true. Love is an active process and one that does require our body, mind and spirit. If we love without energy, it may not be as sustainable or meaningful.

So, how does one practice Energetic Love?

Balancing individual and interpersonal awareness with proactivity. Examine what is going on internally and externally in your relationship:

• Consider your own understandings of love; think about this as your love template. How do you feel loved? If you have a partner, how do they make you feel loved? How do you express love to others or a partner? What ways does your partner feel love and express love? Gary Chapman's book, Love Languages is an excellent resource for understanding how we "love" one another and receive love ourselves.

• Fill in the blank. When we understand that our partner feels loved by _____ we can use this information as an opportunity to speak their language in the way that we act (using energy).

• Embrace imperfection. We are human and cannot possibly do everything right all of the time, no matter how nice that would be. When we make mistakes such as forgetting an important date or to unload the dishwasher, it is important to acknowledge these moments and use them as learning opportunities. Consider saying to yourself or your partner, "I am not perfect, but I will try to ________ in the future".

• Forgiveness. We do not always show up in our relationship the way that we hope to and our partners do not always show up for us the way we hope they will. When these moments occur, embrace the disappointment, sadness or uncertainty that follows and direct your energy into a conversation on how to be more on target next time.

There is great wisdom that can come from our interpersonal awareness of how we love and experience love. When we are not getting something from our partners that we need in order to feel loved, we ought to communicate that in a benevolent way. When we are not loving our partner in the way that they need, we can use this information to channel our energy into more productive and meaningful loving.

How do you practice Energetic Love? Feel free to share your ideas below!

Are You Ready to Dare to Be Direct in Your Relationship?

Are you and your partner finding yourselves going in circles when it comes to making decisions? Does indecisiveness sometimes create unnecessary tension in your relationship? If so, it might be time to ask yourself: Are you ready to try direct communication?

Direct communication can be a powerful tool in any relationship. By clearly expressing what you want, you help your partner understand exactly how they can meet your needs and strengthen your connection. Here are some pro-tips for delivering a direct request:

The Power of Direct Communication: Tips and Techniques

1. Identify What You’re Seeking

Before you can ask for what you want, you need to be clear on what that is. Whether you’re seeking quality time, problem-solving, a listening ear, or an adventurous outing, identifying your needs first will boost your confidence when it comes time to communicate them.

2. Spell It Out (With Words)

We’re all human, not mind readers. Instead of hoping your partner will guess what you’re thinking, tell them directly. For example, saying, “Hey babe, I’d really love to take a walk and get some mint-chocolate chip ice cream after dinner,” is much clearer than, “Hey babe, what would you like to do after dinner?” (while secretly hoping they suggest ice cream).

Clear communication prevents misunderstandings and keeps both of you on the same page.

3. Share the Why Behind Your Request

Sometimes, explaining why you’re making a request can help your partner understand its significance. For instance, saying, “I’d really like us to spend the afternoon just the two of us because quality time makes me feel appreciated and relaxed,” gives context and may make your partner more receptive to your needs.

4. Practice Makes Perfect

Like any skill, direct communication improves with practice. Pay attention to your partner’s feedback when you make requests. Notice what tone of voice works best, whether they respond better to a calm or vibrant tone, and whether they seem more engaged when you have their undivided attention. Adjust your approach based on these observations to improve future interactions.

Why Is Direct Communication Worth the Effort?

Daring to be direct in your communication can transform your relationship, helping you avoid the frustration of unspoken expectations and misunderstandings. When you clearly express your needs and desires, you create a pathway for mutual understanding and stronger connections.

So, ask yourself: Are you ready to take the direct approach in your relationship? The effort you put into refining this skill can lead to a more fulfilling and harmonious partnership.

If you’re still feeling stuck or unsure where to start, consider consulting a couples therapist who can offer guidance and support in building your interpersonal communication skills.