Tips for Supporting Your LGBTQIA+ Children

Happy Pride Month! To kick off June, we’re building off a previous article about supporting your child when they come out as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. Supporting a child when they come out is vital to building trust and support between you but just as important, if not more important, is the ensuing ongoing support on a quotidian basis. This will naturally look somewhat different from family to family, identity to identity, age to age, and so on, but the general principles of honesty, support, and love apply to every circumstance. 

A few basic tips include 

• Be willing to suspend your preconceived notions of gender and sexuality

• Be prepared to be confused and sometimes overwhelmed

• Be willing to be a learner and not a teacher

• Be open to asking questions rather than making assumptions

In addition to these tips, a major way you can support an LGBTQIA+ child is by doing your research if you haven’t already. There is an abundance of readily accessible educational materials available online so while this blog post will mention a few, it is by no means an exhaustive list of useful resources. It’s important to not only understand your child’s personal experience, but also the societal structures and the gender binary as a whole in order to fully understand how your child fits into the world around them. Once you feel more familiar with the concept, you can start helping your child to understand it and themselves more fully. It’s understandable to be overwhelmed; if you aren’t already familiar with these ideas, they can be a lot to process. Throughout this process, pay attention to your feelings and make sure you’re practicing adequate self-care in order to sustainably support your child long term. 

Gender Identity

The following resources are excerpted from a resource page related to a zine about the gender binary. You can find the full list here. Embrace Sexual Wellness also has its own resource page here.

• Explained: Difference between gender, gender expression 

• GLAAD Media Reference Guide - Transgender

• The Coloniality of Gender

• The Struggles of Rejecting the Gender Binary 

• Understanding Non-Binary People

• What Is Gender Expression?

• How to use neopronouns in sentences

• Inclusivity tips

• Map of Gender diverse Cultures

• More on Neopronouns (further resources included on the page) 

• You Could Never Misgender Me

• Female Masculinity - Jack Halberstam (published under “Judith Halberstam”)

• Gender Outlaw - Kate Bornstein

• How Beautiful The Ordinary: Twelve Stories Of Identity - Ed. Michael Cart

• Stone Butch Blues - Leslie Feinberg

• Trans Bodies, Trans Selves: A Resource for the Transgender Community edited by Laura Erickson-Schroth

• Undoing Gender - Judith Butler

Sexuality

• Parents: Quick Tips for Supporting Your LGBTQIA Kids and Yourself During the Coming Out Process 

• 5 Things You Can Do Today To Support LGBTQIA Youth

• Talking Sex, Puberty & Relationships: A Resource for Parents  

• Teaching My Preschooler About Gender Identity

• AMAZE - Age appropriate info on sexual orientation - this is also a great resource to share with your child!  

• Sister Outsider - Audre Lorde

• Gender Trouble - Judith Butler

• Black Queer Hoe - Britteney Black Rose Capri

• Angels in America - Tony Kushner

• This Book is Gay - Juno and James Dawson

• The History of Sexuality - Michel Foucault

• Countersexual Manifesto - Paul B. Preciado

If you’re struggling to process all this new information, consider joining a support group like those run by PFLAG. You can find your local chapter here. Also consider looking into whether or not you have a local independently run LGBTQIA+ support and wellness center. 

Beyond educating yourself and your child about their identity, tangible ways you can support your LGBTQIA+ child are to get involved in local activism for LGBTQIA+ rights, support their autonomous self-expression, and love them no matter what. Activism can involve volunteering at a local LGBTQIA+ support center, volunteering with a national organization like PFLAG or the Trevor Project, patronizing LGBTQIA+ businesses, or any other way that suits your lifestyle. To support your child’s right to self-expression, avoid trying to control what they wear (unless it’s a matter of safety or appropriateness), respect their boundaries, give them opportunities to socialize with other LGBTQIA+ peers if possible, and support their continued self-reflection and growth. Finally, the core part of your approach should be to lead with love; in a world that constantly invalidates LGBTQIA+ people, LGBTQIA+ children deserve to feel supported and loved within their immediate circle. That starts with you. 

You’re off to a great start seeking advice from a trusted source like this blog. While the advice inherently cannot be one size fits all, ongoing communication about your youth’s specific needs will allow you to tailor it to your life. This is why it’s vital to keep the lines of communication open, lead with love and non-judgment, and make your child feel safe so they can trust you with their needs. You won’t get everything right on the first try and that’s okay. Your best is enough and as long as you’re trying, that’s all anyone can ask of you.