Relationships

,

The Best Sex Positions for Maximum Pleasure

,

Sex is often enhanced by variety but there are so many different options for sex positions out there that it can be hard to figure out which ones are worth trying out. While everyone’s sexual exploration journey is unique, this article aims to provide a guide to various sex positions for different contexts, such as penetration, oral sex, and physical accessibility.      

What are the Best Positions for Penetration?

Doggy Style

How: The receiver is on all fours and the giver kneels behind them. 

Benefits: Doggy style is a great option for those looking for deep penetration. It works with vaginal or anal sex. For even more pleasure, the receiver can stimulate their genitals while receiving penetration.  

Cowgirl

How: The giver lies down (either with legs straight out or knees up) while the receiver faces them and straddles their hips. 

Benefits: Cowgirl is great for receivers who want control over the pace, angle, and depth of the penetration. For people with clitorises, cowgirl offers the opportunity to grind or rub the clitoris during penetration.  

G-Whiz

How: The receiver lies on their back with legs up and spread apart, resting on the giver’s shoulders, while the giver kneels in front of them or lays flat on top

Benefits: G-whiz allows for very deep penetration and it is especially good for people with vulvas who enjoy G-spot and cervical stimulation.  

What are the Best Positions for Oral Sex?

Best Positions for Cunnilingus

Lying Back

How: This is the classic cunnilingus position, where the receiver lies down with their knees up and the giver lies down on their stomach with their head between the receiver’s thighs.

Benefits: It is an easy, beginner-friendly position and comfortable for the receiver. A potential drawback is that givers might experience neck pain after awhile; if this is an issue for you, the giver can try propping themself with their elbows and/or a pillow under the chest. 

Kivin Method

How: The receiver lies on their back while the giver lies perpendicular, with the receiver’s bent knee over their neck/shoulder region.

Benefits: The Kivin method is great for full clitoral stimulation and clitoral orgasms.  

Best Positions for Fellatio

Lying Back

How: The receiver lies down with the giver lying stomach-down with their head between the receiver’s legs.

Benefits: A classic for both cunnilingus and fellatio, lying back is a reliable, easy position. As a bonus, if the receiver puts their knees up, the giver can add anal penetration or fondle the testicles.

Fire Hydrant

How: The receiver stands up with the giver on their knees facing the receiver.

Benefits: It is versatile in the sense that the receiver can take control and thrust into the giver’s mouth, or the giver can take control of the pace and depth while the receiver stands still. It also allows for the giver to use their hands to stimulate the genitals. Additionally, the power dynamic of one partner standing and the other on their knees is hot!

What are the Most Accessible Sex Positions?

Modified Missionary

How: As the name suggests, this position is missionary - in which the receiver lies on their back with the giver on top facing them - but with a twist. A pillow or wedge under the receiver’s hips, head/neck, or other places based on your specific needs can alleviate some discomfort. Alternatively, the receiver can lay on their back with their buttocks on the edge of the bed while the giver stands facing them and penetrates them that way.

Benefits: Pillows and wedges can make the position more comfortable for all partners. The alternative method is good for receivers with mobility issues.      

Spooning Position

How: Both partners lie on their sides, facing the same direction, with one’s front pressed up against the other’s back.

Benefits: This is a versatile position, allowing for hand stimulation, grinding, toys, penetration, grinding, or anything else you can imagine! It is also comfortable and allows for a feeling of closeness and intimacy.

The Bottom Line    

Experimenting with sexual positions and learning new things about yourself and your partner(s) can be a fun endeavor. Make sure you explore consensually with ongoing communication. Remember that foreplay and lube can go a long way in enhancing your experience. If you need additional help mixing things up in the bedroom, consider seeking sex therapy. 

, ,

How to Build Emotional Safety in a Relationship

, ,

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

Building emotional safety in a relationship is a vital aspect of maintaining a healthy, thriving partnership. Emotional safety is the foundation upon which trust, communication, and intimacy are built. When individuals feel emotionally safe with their partners, they can open up, be vulnerable, and address challenges together in a supportive and loving way. In this blog post, we'll explore what emotional safety means, how to recognize it, and how to foster it in your relationship. We'll also discuss the unique needs and socialization of gender in the context of emotional safety.

What Is Emotional Safety?

Emotional safety can be defined as the feeling of comfort and trust that comes from knowing you can be your true self without fear of judgment, criticism, or harm. It's a space where partners can express their feelings, thoughts, and concerns openly, without hesitation, and with the assurance that they will be heard and respected.

What are signs of emotional safety in a relationship?

Open Communication

Partners in an emotionally safe relationship can talk about their thoughts, feelings, and concerns without fear of retribution or judgment. They actively listen to each other and validate one another's experiences. 

Vulnerability

Both partners feel comfortable being vulnerable with one another. They share their fears, insecurities, and dreams, knowing that they won't be exploited or ridiculed.

Trust

Emotional safety fosters trust, as partners believe in each other's intentions and reliability. They have confidence that their partner has their best interests at heart.

Support

In emotionally safe relationships, partners provide unwavering support for one another during challenging times. They offer a shoulder to lean on and a helping hand when needed.

Respect

Respect for each other's boundaries, individuality, and autonomy is evident. Partners treat each other with kindness and consideration, recognizing that they are unique individuals.

What are signs of a lack of emotional safety in a relationship?

Fear of Sharing

When emotional safety is lacking, one or both partners may be hesitant to share their thoughts or emotions, fearing a negative reaction.

Judgment and Criticism

Partners in an emotionally unsafe relationship may judge, criticize, or belittle one another, making it difficult to be open and honest.

Secrecy and Concealment

If there is a lack of emotional safety, partners may keep secrets or hide aspects of themselves to avoid potential negative consequences.

Constant Conflict

Unresolved conflicts and frequent arguments are indicative of a lack of emotional safety. It can make both partners feel constantly on edge.

Emotional Withdrawal

Emotional distance and withdrawal from the relationship may occur when partners do not feel safe. They may become emotionally guarded.

How to Help Your Partner Feel Emotionally Secure

Actively Listen

Listen to your partner without interrupting, and ask clarifying questions to show that you genuinely care about their feelings.

Respond Empathetically

Show empathy by validating your partner's emotions, even if you don't fully understand. For example, you can say, "I can see why you feel that way."

Respect Each Other's Boundaries

Respect your partner's boundaries and personal space, and encourage them to express what they need from you. Examining and voicing your own needs can also create a relationship culture of expressing and respecting needs.

Prioritize Quality Time Together

Spend quality time together, free from distractions, to foster connection and strengthen your emotional bond. Quality time is not sitting on the couch watching TV together but rather engaging in an activity where you are clued in and attentive to one another.

Offer Reassurance

Let your partner know that you're there for them and that you support them, especially during challenging times. You may have a list of solutions that come to mind but they are most likely not anything your partner hasn’t already thought of. If they want a solution, they’ll ask for it, otherwise, they most likely prefer you to just listen, validate, and support.

Understanding Gender Differences with Emotional Safety

Cis men, cis women, transgender individuals, and those who identify as genderqueer or nonbinary may all bring unique experiences and needs to their relationships. Recognizing and respecting these differences is crucial for building emotional safety in a diverse and inclusive manner. It's important to note that gender differences are not universal, and individuals vary widely in their emotional needs. The following considerations are generalizations and may not apply to every person. Communication with your partner about their specific needs is key to creating a supportive and inclusive environment.

In fostering a healthy and supportive relationship, all partners can derive numerous benefits by prioritizing certain aspects. Firstly, creating an environment that encourages emotional expression without judgment or expectation can significantly strengthen the emotional bond shared between partners. It is vital to recognize and cater to the unique emotional needs of each individual, providing individualized support that aligns with their preferences and comfort levels. Additionally, inclusive decision-making processes that respect the perspectives and input of all partners contribute to a sense of safety and partnership within the relationship.

In the context of transgender and genderqueer considerations, certain principles should be upheld. Respecting and acknowledging your partner's gender identity is foundational, requiring the use of correct pronouns and names, along with active engagement in conversations about their experiences and feelings. For transgender individuals, navigating gender dysphoria can be challenging, and emotional safety involves providing understanding, empathy, and support during these times without judgment. For genderqueer or nonbinary individuals, partners who recognize and embrace the fluidity of their gender identity contribute to a supportive environment. Encouraging open dialogue about how they define and experience emotional safety becomes crucial in fostering a relationship that respects and honors their identity.

Examples of Emotional Safety

Imagine a scenario in which a cis female partner faces a challenging situation at work. In an emotionally safe relationship, her cis male partner actively listens, empathizes with her feelings, and offers support. He doesn't jump into problem-solving mode if she needs a listening ear. In return, she feels heard and understood, and they strengthen their emotional connection.

In another example, a cis male partner may open up about his insecurities, seeking emotional safety. His cis female partner responds with empathy and reassurance, expressing her support for him. This fosters a safe space for him to share his vulnerabilities without fear of judgment.

In another scenario a genderqueer individual discusses their experiences with their partner. In an inclusive and emotionally safe relationship, the partner actively listens, respects their partner's gender identity, and engages in conversations about the unique challenges they may face.

Similarly, a transgender partner may share their feelings about dysphoria. In an emotionally safe relationship, the partner responds with empathy, offers support, and actively participates in creating an environment where the transgender partner feels seen and valued.

Takeaway

Building emotional safety in a relationship is a continuous process that requires open communication, trust, respect, and empathy. It's essential to recognize and address any barriers to emotional safety, as well as to learn and understand your partner’s unique emotional needs, regardless of their gender. By doing so, you can cultivate a strong, supportive, and enduring connection that thrives on trust, understanding, and love. If you are concerned about a lack of emotional safety in your relationship or want to improve emotional safety, couples therapy can help you create a dynamic that feels safe for all partners.

, ,

Things to Know If Your Partner Is Asexual (And You Aren’t)

, ,

Asexuality is often a misunderstood sexual orientation. An asexual person does not experience sexual attraction. This does not necessarily mean they do not have sex or do not want a romantic relationship. Asexuality is a spectrum, so some asexual people still have sex for reasons other than attraction, such as enjoying the attention, while others are sex averse and do not want to engage in any form of sex. Distinct from asexuality, aromantic people do not experience romantic attraction or desire. Sometimes asexual people are also aromantic, but not always. Asexual people who do want a romantic relationship may be wary of becoming involved with an allosexual (someone who does experience sexual attraction) due to the mismatch in sexual needs. This article will discuss how to make a mixed-orientation relationship work, because it is possible! 

How to make a relationship work if your partner is asexual (and you aren’t)

Seek mutual understanding

When there is a discrepancy in wants, needs, and experiences between partners, it is important to have an open and honest dialogue about each others’ experiences. For the allosexual partner, understand that asexuality is not a personal jab, nor a choice. For the asexual partner, understand that whether or not sex is an important facet of feeling fulfilled for you, it may be for your partner. Just because someone is asexual does not mean that they never have sex. Being on the same page regarding willingness to have sex is important. If they do not want sex at all though, there are still ways to work with that.  

Address unmet needs

Finding alternative ways to meet needs for intimacy and affection will look different in every relationship dynamic so do not be afraid to experiment. Some options are cuddling, making out, and sensual massages as alternative physical intimacy activities. Additionally, prioritizing activities that both partners find fulfilling outside physical intimacy can strengthen the emotional bond and intimacy. Another option is to consider opening up the relationship. If one partner wants more sex than the other, that need can be outsourced so everyone’s boundaries and needs are being respected. However, non-monogamy is not for everyone so make sure you do your research and talk about the pros and cons before diving in. That being said, for some, it is a way to honor each partner’s needs while preserving the relationship. In any relationship, it is crucial to address unmet needs to avoid resentment or incompatibility which starts with clear communication. This does not always come naturally to everyone and if this is the case, sex therapy can help.  

Try sex therapy

Sex therapy is a valuable resource for mixed-orientation relationships. Sex therapists are professionally trained to help people navigate sexual concerns and improve communication, which is exactly what this sort of situation requires. In sex therapy, partners can explore alternative forms of physical intimacy and develop strategies for addressing sexual discrepancies in a supportive environment. Sex therapists can also provide education about asexuality and help partners understand one another’s perspectives more deeply.

Takeaway

Mixed-orientation relationships are absolutely possible to navigate with patience, understanding, and open communication. Asexuality, as a spectrum, encompasses a variety of experiences and it is essential for both partners to respect and validate each others’ identities and needs. By communicating, addressing unmet needs, and considering sex therapy, the relationship has the best odds of honoring everyone’s needs.  

Additional Resources

as seen in