4 Things to Consider Before Moving in Together

Moving in with a partner or partner(s) is a big step which can be equally scary and exciting. The best way to ensure the most comfortable arrangement for everyone involved is to carefully consider all the implications of living together. This is a guide to help you cover all your bases when figuring out this important decision. 

Assessing If You’re Ready

There’s no definitive timeline that will suit every relationship so it’s important to take stock of all the factors involved. Some important considerations are:

1. Are your schedules compatible? 

2. Are there reasons to move in together aside from financial necessity? 

3. Have you ever cohabited for limited amounts of time? How was that experience? What were some points of tension? 

4. Are you ready to voluntarily surrender part of your independence now that your lives will be more entangled? 

5. If the relationship is non-monogamous, how will that fit into sharing a living space?

Personal Space 

Living with someone else means a lot of shared time together. Some people enjoy being with their partner most of the time, but others need more time to themselves. These questions can help decide how you will create personal space within a shared home: 

1. How much personal space do you need on a regular basis? How will you make space when you're in the same house/apartment? 

2. Personal time is essential for self-care and you will need to negotiate new boundaries around personal time when you live together. Here are some ways to navigate conversations about needing some space.  

3. Do you need your own physical corner or space in the living quarters? If so, where are those and what are the boundaries around them?

Maintenance of a shared space 

The way you keep your space might not feel like a big deal immediately, but it can cause a lot of problems if you each prefer to keep your things in drastically different ways. For example, someone who is very neat and tidy may start to feel resentment if their partner has piles of clothes on the floor. Conversely, someone who is a little messier may feel annoyed by a partner who keeps asking them to pick up their things. Here are some questions to consider about maintenance: 

1. How do you like to keep your space? Are you tidy/messy? How do you feel about living with someone who may keep their space differently from you? 

2. How can you delegate chores and hold each other accountable? 

Communication

What communication skills do you have in place with your partner to discuss problems as they arise? Living together can bring up a lot of new feelings or issues that weren't there previously. How will you work on them together as a team? There will be a learning curve to trying something new. Try to be patient with each other while you navigate new obstacles together.

This is an exciting adventure in your relationship that you get to go on together! It’s important to commit to be honest, kind, and patient with one another to make your transition as easy as possible. If you need extra support through this process, relationship therapy is a great option. For those in Illinois, Embrace Sexual Wellness can help!

4 Benefits of Sharing Erotica with a Partner

“Erotica” is any sexually explicit literary or artistic work. It can be a great tool for exploring sexual interests alone or with a partner/partners. Erotica can be a book, a short story, an audio clip, a drawing, and beyond. Whatever you’re into, there’s erotica about it. Beyond being a fun addition to masturbating, there are several benefits to sharing erotica with a partner/partners. Erotica can…

1. Teach you what is exciting for you and your partner 

   Regardless of how familiar you are with your sexual interests, erotica is a great way to increase your imagination about what pleasure looks like for you. Additionally, if you struggle to talk about what you like in bed, you can share a piece of erotica to explain what you mean instead. 

2. Create more sexual and emotional intimacy 

   Sharing sexual desires is a vulnerable act. Being vulnerable with your partner(s) is one of the best ways to foster emotional intimacy and connection. 

3. Provide inspiration 

   Whether you’re still in the honeymoon phase or you’ve been with your partner(s) for years, there’s always room to improve your sex life. Maybe there’s a fantasy you’d love to act out, or a fetish you want to try; it might be difficult to find and/or share the words to describe your sexual fantasies and interests, which is where having an exemplar is a great communication tool. Sharing erotica with your partner(s) that resonated with you provides valuable insight about what you like in bed. 

4. Normalize erotica's impact on arousal

   Unfortunately, we have all been societally conditioned to regard sexuality as taboo even if one’s independent values don’t align with that designation. This means that you might logically understand there is nothing shameful about sexual desire, it can still feel hard to share something you’ve been conditioned to keep private like a piece of erotica you like. The more you talk about it and share with your partner, the more normal it will feel. 

Erotica is a great tool to incorporate into your relationship(s). If you’re interested in exploring erotica, there are some great resources below. Happy reading, listening and sharing! 

• Short stories

  • Literotica

  • Bellesa

  • LushStories

  • Novel Trove   

• Books

  • 14 Erotic Novels That Won't Make You Cringe - PureWow

  • 12 Most Erotic Novels in the History of Literature - Sexiest Books of All Time

  • The 55 Most Erotic Books You Will Ever Read    

• Audio

  • Dipsea

4 Ways to Cultivate Creativity in Relationships

Creativity is a fundamental way of facilitating interpersonal connection. Intentionally incorporating creativity can help you learn about yourself and your partner(s) and can help deepen your bond. The great news is that there are really no rules when it comes to creativity which is exciting and a little intimidating! These tips can help get you started.

1. Discuss new sexual interests

Once we find sexual activities we enjoy, it is easy to repeat them until they start to feel boring. This is especially true in longer term relationships. One way to break out of that cycle is to bring up new sexual interests. These could be activities you’ve enjoyed in the past, activities that you’ve heard of and find appealing, or activities you’ve fantasized about. Be open with your partner about what turns you on outside of your usual repertoire. You might be surprised by how much your interests overlap!

2. Explore erotica together

What if you aren’t sure about new things that turn you on? Erotica or porn can provide inspiration. You could read or watch alone and share what you’d like to try after, or watch together if that feels more comfortable. There are plenty of erotica and porn websites available, but these are some recommendations from us at ESW.

3. Practice Playful flirting

Flirting is fun way to communicate desires to a partner. You can tell a partner things about them that turn you on or things you’d like to do with them. You can even turn your flirting into a role play. The best part is that, nowadays, you don’t even need to flirt in person. Sexting via text or video/audio messages can take off some of the pressure that can come from in person flirting.

4. Plan novel dates

Think past dinner and a movie. There are so many other fun date plans to choose from, and the novelty of trying something different can feel really exciting. Consider activities you’ve wanted to try but haven’t yet. Some ideas include:

• Taking a cooking class together

• Going to a paint and sip event

• Going to a new museum or art exhibit

• Walking around a part of your city you haven’t been to yet

• Hiking around a new area

Remember, these ideas are just a starting point. Once you’ve tried some of these options, consider going further and exploring new ways to keep the creativity alive in your relationship!