Sex Therapy vs. Couples Therapy: What’s the difference?

Maintaining a healthy and satisfying relationship is an ongoing process that can involve seeking guidance from professionals. Two common therapeutic modalities that people turn to for relationship issues are sex therapy and traditional couple's therapy. In this blog post, we'll delve into the key distinctions between these two approaches, address common questions people have about them, and explore whether sex therapy can help with specific sexual issues such as erectile dysfunction (ED) or sexual pain. We'll also shed light on what couples can expect when they begin either of these therapies.

What is Sex Therapy?

Sex therapy is a specialized form of counseling that focuses on issues related to sexual dysfunction, intimacy, and sexual well-being. Sex therapists are trained to address a wide range of sexual concerns, including but not limited to erectile dysfunction, desire discrepancy, sexual pain, and performance anxiety. When practiced effectively, sex therapy can help individuals and couples understand and overcome sexual challenges to achieve a more fulfilling and satisfying sex life.

What Happens in Sex Therapy?

In sex therapy, clients can expect a safe and non-judgmental space where they can openly discuss their sexual concerns and desires. The therapist may use a variety of techniques, including communication exercises, psychoeducation, and behavioral homework assignments to help clients work through their issues. The primary goal is to enhance sexual communication, improve intimacy, and resolve sexual problems within the relationship.

What is Traditional Couples Therapy?

Traditional couples therapy, also known as marriage or relationship counseling, addresses a broader range of relationship issues. While sex may be a part of the discussion, the focus extends beyond sexual concerns to include communication problems, conflicts, trust issues, and overall relationship dynamics. Couples therapy is also an empirically validated treatment for these types of relationship issues.

Differences Between Sex Therapy and Couples Therapy

Specialization

The most significant difference is the specialization. Sex therapy is typically focused on sexual concerns, while traditional couples therapy covers a broader spectrum of relationship issues.

Depth of Exploration

Sex therapy delves deeply into sexual matters, addressing sexual dysfunction and intimacy problems with a high degree of specificity. In contrast, couples therapy explores a wide array of relationship dynamics, including non-sexual aspects of the partnership.

Approach

Sex therapy often includes a practical and skills-based approach, including behavioral exercises and psychoeducation. Couples therapy, on the other hand, focuses more on communication techniques and conflict resolution.

Therapist Expertise

Sex therapists receive specialized training in human sexuality and treating sexual issues, while couples therapists typically have more general training in relationships and psychology.

Treatment Duration

Sex therapy is often more short-term and solution-focused, aiming to address specific sexual concerns. Traditional couple's therapy may be more long-term, focusing on overall relationship improvement.

Choosing the Right Therapy for Your Needs

The choice between sex therapy and couples therapy depends on the specific issues you are facing within your relationship. If sexual problems are a significant concern, sex therapy might be the most appropriate choice. However, if your relationship issues encompass broader aspects of communication and connection, couples therapy may be a better fit. Remember that both forms of therapy can be conducted as a couple, so it's essential to communicate openly with your therapist about your goals and expectations.

Takeaway

Sex therapy and couples therapy serve distinct purposes within the realm of relationship counseling. Understanding their differences and knowing when to seek each type of therapy can significantly benefit couples striving to strengthen their bond and enhance their overall well being. Whether it's addressing low desire or erectile dysfunction, improving communication, or reigniting passion, the support of a skilled therapist can be a valuable asset on your journey to a more fulfilling relationship.

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

What to Know Before Sharing Sexual Fantasies With a Partner

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

Fantasies are a natural part of human sexuality. They can be exciting, fulfilling, and even play a crucial role in maintaining a healthy and satisfying intimate relationship. However, sharing your fantasies with a partner can be a delicate matter. In this blog, we will explore the intricacies of sharing fantasies, addressing the questions of whether you should tell your partner about your fantasies, the best ways to open up to your partner, and how to deal with obsessive sexual thoughts. We'll also emphasize the importance of understanding that fantasies are not necessarily a reflection of unmet sexual needs or dissatisfaction.

Fantasy Is Not Reality

Before we dive into the details of sharing fantasies, it's essential to understand that what makes a fantasy a fantasy is precisely that it is not reality. Fantasies are products of our imagination, shaped by desires, curiosities, and the freedom to explore scenarios that may never come to fruition in our daily lives. Some are even impossible to play out in real life. Importantly, fantasies do not inherently indicate any deficiencies in our sexual relationships or unfulfilled needs. Embracing this concept can alleviate any anxieties you may have about sharing your fantasies and help you appreciate them as a unique aspect of your sexuality.

Should I Tell My Partner About My Fantasy?

The decision to share your fantasies with your partner is a personal one and depends on various factors including your level of comfort, trust, and the nature of your relationship. Here are some tips to help you decide:

Assess Trust and Communication Strength 

A strong foundation of trust and open communication is vital in any relationship. If you feel safe and secure with your partner, sharing your fantasies can enhance intimacy and deepen your connection.

Engage in Mutual Exploration

Sharing fantasies can be an exciting way to explore each other's desires and deepen your sexual connection. It can lead to discovering shared interests and preferences, which can improve your overall sexual satisfaction.

Respect One Another’s Boundaries

It's crucial to respect your partner's boundaries. Not everyone is comfortable hearing about explicit fantasies, so approach the conversation with sensitivity. Gauge their reaction and be prepared to stop or adjust the conversation if they seem uncomfortable.

Center Consent

Always ensure that any fantasies you wish to explore involve consensual activities. Consent is paramount in any sexual exploration, so that all partners can feel comfortable and enthusiastic about trying new things.

How do I Share my Fantasies with my Partner?

Sharing your fantasies with your partner can be a fulfilling experience if done with care and consideration. Here's a step-by-step guide on how to approach this conversation.

1. Choose the Right Time and Place.

Find a quiet, private setting where both you and your partner can feel relaxed and comfortable. Timing matters too. Avoid discussing sensitive topics during arguments or stressful moments. During these moments, you or your partner may be emotionally flooded and find it difficult to navigate the topic in a way that feels good to both of you.

2. Express Your Desires Clearly.

Clearly and honestly communicate your fantasies. Use "I" statements to express your feelings and desires without placing blame or pressure on your partner. Remember that the point of this is to share your desires, not to project guilt onto your partner for not meeting these previously uncommunicated needs. If your partner feels blame and pressure coming from you, it could work against your hopes for being understood and may inhibit future conversations.

3. Listen Actively.

Encourage your partner to share their thoughts and feelings about your fantasies. Active listening fosters understanding and empathy, making it easier to find common ground.

4. Stay Open to Feedback.

Your partner may have their own fantasies, ideas, or reactions. Be receptive to their input and consider how you can mutually explore new experiences together. It can be vulnerable to share your innermost sexual desires. If they respond by sharing their own desires, be prepared to respond to them in a way that you would hope they respond to you. Curiosity keeps doors open, judgment and reactivity tend to close them.

5. Take It Slow.

Don't rush into acting on your fantasies. Take your time to build trust and ensure both you and your partner are comfortable with any new experiences.

How Do I Address Obsessive Thoughts About Fantasies?

While fantasies are a healthy part of human sexuality, they can sometimes become obsessive or intrusive. Here are some strategies to manage obsessive thoughts about your fantasies:

Self-Reflect

Take some time to reflect on the nature of your fantasies. Are they causing distress or interfering with your daily life? Are they getting in the way of completing work or other day-to-day functioning? Understanding your own feelings and their impact on your functioning can be the first step in addressing obsessive thoughts.

Seek Professional Help

If obsessive thoughts about your fantasies are causing you significant distress or affecting your mental health, consider seeking help from a therapist or counselor. They can provide guidance and support tailored to your specific situation.

Communicate Clearly

If you feel comfortable, discuss your obsessive thoughts with your partner. They may offer emotional support and understanding, helping you alleviate any concerns.

Engage in Mindfulness or Distraction

Engaging in mindfulness techniques or distracting activities when obsessive thoughts arise can be effective in managing them. Redirect your focus to the present moment or immerse yourself in a different activity.

Takeaway

Sharing fantasies with your partner can be a rewarding journey that deepens your intimacy and connection. Approach the conversation with sensitivity and prioritize open communication. The beauty of fantasy lies in its divergence from reality. Remember that your fantasies are a part of your individuality, not a reflection of any inadequacies in your relationship. By sharing your fantasies, you may discover new dimensions to your intimacy and embark on exciting adventures together. 

10 Erotic TV Series to Watch with Your Partner This Fall

Written by Seth Taylor, ALMFT

In intimate relationships, the concept of eroticism holds a special allure that fuels passion and desire between partners. While physical intimacy plays a vital role, psychogenic arousal is also important. Psychogenic arousal, often referred to as mental or psychological arousal, is the process of creating sexual excitement through non-physical means. This form of arousal centers on stimulating the mind, emotions, and imagination, making it a powerful tool for enhancing sexual intimacy in relationships. This blog explores erotic TV shows that partners can watch together to help build eroticism in their relationships. So, the next time you and your partner are wondering what to watch next, try something from this list!

Note: These shows contain explicit sexual content, nudity, and adult themes. Viewer discretion is advised, and it's important to consider individual comfort levels and boundaries before watching them together as partners.

1. Masters of Sex

Set in the 1950s, this show delves into the groundbreaking research of Dr. William Masters and Virginia Johnson, pioneers in the field of human sexuality. The series explores the complexities of sexual desire, intimacy, and the psychology of arousal. Through their studies, the show presents explicit and thought-provoking depictions of sexual experiences, providing couples with a deep understanding of the various facets of human sexuality.

*Available (for purchase) on AppleTV, Prime, and Vudu.

2. Outlander

Combining historical drama with elements of fantasy, Outlander follows the passionate love story of Claire and Jamie Fraser. The show features intense romantic and sexual scenes, often showcasing the profound connection and desire between the main characters. The vivid portrayal of their relationship and their exploration of physical and emotional intimacy make it an enticing choice for couples seeking an arousing and emotionally charged viewing experience.

*Available on Hulu, Amazon Prime, and Netflix.

3. Black Sails

Set in the golden age of piracy, Black Sails is an adventure-filled drama that intertwines thrilling storylines with erotic undertones. The show portrays the lives of pirates and their romantic and sexual escapades. Through captivating narratives and alluring characters, it combines action, drama, and sensual elements, offering a compelling viewing experience for couples seeking excitement and a touch of the “forbidden”.

*Available on Hulu and Amazon Prime.

4. The Affair

This provocative drama explores the complexities of relationships and infidelity. The show delves into the intense emotional and sexual connections formed outside of committed partnerships. By delving into the motivations and consequences of illicit desires, The Affair stimulates discussions about monogamy, sexual exploration, and the multifaceted nature of human eroticism.

*Available on Paramount +, Hulu, and Amazon Prime.

5. Easy

An anthology series set in Chicago, Easy explores the intricate web of modern love, relationships, and sexual encounters. The show portrays a range of characters and their diverse experiences with sex, intimacy, and desire. With its realistic and relatable approach to exploring human connections, Easy prompts couples to reflect on their own desires, fantasies, and the challenges of maintaining intimacy.

*Available on Netflix.

6. You Me Her

This unique romantic comedy takes an unconventional approach by exploring a three-way relationship. The show delves into the dynamics of polyamory, love, and sexual exploration. It navigates the complexities of jealousy, self-discovery, and unconventional desires, creating an enticing viewing experience for couples open to exploring alternative relationship dynamics and the boundaries of traditional monogamy.

*Available on Amazon Prime.

7. Sex/Life

This steamy drama follows the journey of a suburban mother who reflects on her past sexual escapades while seeking passion in her present life. With its explicit and visually captivating scenes, the show explores the complexities of desire, fantasy, and longing for excitement. It ignites conversations about rekindling sexual desire within long-term relationships and the interplay between passion and domesticity.

*Available on Netflix.

8. Elite

A Spanish thriller set in an exclusive private school, Elite explores a web of relationships, secrets, and forbidden desires. The show's intriguing plot intertwines with explicit depictions of sexual encounters, exploring themes of attraction, lust, and the exploration of hidden desires. Through its alluring and intense scenes, Elite provides an exciting and stimulating viewing experience for couples seeking suspense, mystery, and passionate encounters.

*Available on Netflix.

9. Sex Education

This comedy-drama series centers around a socially awkward teenager who starts an underground sex therapy clinic at his high school. Through its exploration of various adolescent sexual experiences, the show provides a mix of humor and thought-provoking moments. It delves into topics such as sexual identity, consent, and communication while offering insights into the complexities of human desire and relationships.

*Available on Netflix.

10. P-Valley

Set in a Mississippi Delta strip club, P-Valley explores the lives of the dancers and their personal journeys. The show portrays the sensuality, empowerment, and vulnerabilities of the characters, highlighting the role of sexuality and eroticism in their profession. With its captivating performances and intimate moments, P-Valley delves into the themes of identity, self-expression, and the pursuit of desires.

*Available on Hulu and Amazon Prime.

Takeaway

Whether you and your partner are going for steamy, funny, mysterious, alluring, adventurous, or romantic, you’ll find it all on this list. Pay attention to those moments that make your brain and insides churn with sexual excitement. You can initiate sexual intimacy, sexy conversation, fantasy talk, or whatever else fun and new comes to mind to explore while watching binge-worthy shows. Finding new and fun ways to spice up your sex life is always worth it – give it a go and see what happens!