Holidays

Halloween costumes aren’t gender-specific

Spiderman or ballerina? Knight or princess? Ken or Barbie?... All of the above? 

Halloween costumes overwhelmingly adhere to the gender binary. From childhood, this expectation is ingrained in our minds and places inherent limitations on self-expression. Though much progress has been made over the past fifty years in terms of shifting views on gender roles and expectations, the binary still dictates how Western society functions. This carries over to the smallest of things, like Halloween costumes. Even though this may seem insignificant, Adie Nelson explains in their article “The Pink Dragon is Female: Halloween Costumes and Gender Markers” that “...the non-inclusive language commonly found in the names of many children’s Halloween costumes reverberates throughout many other dimensions of the gendered social life depicted in this fantastical world. For example, the importance of participation in the paid-work world and financial success for men and of physical attractiveness and marriage for women is reinforced through costume names that reference masculine costumes by occupational roles or titles but describe feminine costumes via appearance and/or relationships (e.g. “Policeman” vs. “Beautiful Bride”)” (Nelson 2000). 

The issue with enforcing expected gender roles by insisting on a “gender aligned” Halloween costume for your child is that it imposes arbitrary, unproductive stereotypes on them before they’ve even gotten the chance to think beyond them. It disallows a child’s natural inclination to explore themselves and their relationship to the world. It’s important to make children feel that whoever they are and whatever they like, you will celebrate their identity. The idea is not to get rid of the idea of gender entirely but to take steps to ensure that the gender binary doesn’t limit your child. Allow your child the space to decide if they want to wear a costume that does not align with their gender identity, or one that is gender neutral. Keep in mind, “Gender neutral” doesn’t necessarily mean unisex, either. If that’s what your child wants, then great! But taking a gender neutral approach to Halloween costumes means allowing your child to wear whatever they’d like regardless of the gendered association with it. Letting your child choose a Halloween costume regardless of binary perceptions and associations is a great first step towards this.  

It's important to acknowledge that though the gender binary is impractical and inaccurate, the reality is that it is still very much enmeshed in the fabric of Western society. With that being said, it’s not unthinkable that a child defying gender expectations would receive backlash from peers. All children in our society are exposed to the idea that gender roles are rigid. However, there's no need to make your child conform to protect them from that backlash. More often then not, when presented with new information, children are able to adapt. Instead, empower your child to stand up to peers and share their knowledge of gender beyond the binary. If you still experience concern, advocate for your child. Speak to their teachers and parents of their friends. Instead of making your child conform, work on making their environment safer for them to explore their gender identity."

At the end of the day, Halloween should be a fun, celebratory occasion. If your child doesn’t get to feel like themself, they might not be able to enjoy it as much. If you’re in need of some inspiration, some very cute anecdotal examples of gender defying Halloween costumes can be found here

Resources for gender-conscious parenting:

5 Tips for Preventing and Reducing Gender Bias — Making Caring Common

You Don't Have To Swear Off Pink And Blue To Raise A Kid Without Gender Norms 

The Corporate Masquerade: Branding Masculinity through Halloween Costumes

Halloween Costumes and Gender Markers   

How Halloween costumes can promote gender bias

10 Pleasure Devices from Sex-Positive, Feminist Brands to Put on Your Holiday Wish List

Sex toy sales have risen significantly since the outbreak of the Coronavirus pandemic. The holidays are quickly approaching and it can be difficult to decide what you want to put on your holiday list. Looking for some inspiration? We’ve got you covered. Treat yourself to a pleasure device this year from one of these sex positive brands. 

*We are not receiving a commission for any of these products. They have been researched by our staff and we have not received any incentives from these companies.* 


Brand #1: Woo More Play

3 Reasons Why We Love Woo More Play

  • They believe that we deserve great sex, and we happen to agree. 

  • Their products are as natural as possible by using only organic ingredients, as fun as possible, and are tested as much as possible. 

  • Their products are cruelty free, which means they are not tested on animals.

Their vibrator "i cum first" is designed to pleasure people with vulvas. It has 5 speeds and it is both portable and chargeable! It has curves that contour across the labia majora, labia minora, and clitoris for external stimulation. But it can also be used internally for g-spot stimulation. 

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Brand #2: Dame

3 Reasons Why We Love Dame

  • They are passionate about closing the pleasure gap (a.k.a., the disparity in sexual satisfaction between people with vulvas compared to people with penises). 

  • All of their silicone is medical-grade.

  • Their toys are made with safe, ethical, and environmentally-friendly practices. 

Their most popular vibrator is the "Eva II", a hands-free vibrator that provides clitoral stimulation. It can be used solo or with a partner. It is waterproof and has 3 speeds. Eva’s wings nestle under the labia for a secure, comfortable fit. 

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Brand #3: Je Joue

3 Reasons Why We Love Je Joue

  • Je Joue, directly translated from French, means “I play” and Je Joue believes that play is an extremely important part of a healthy sex life. 

  • They advocate for self-love and the introduction to new experiences to people of all sexual orientations and gender identities. 

  • They also focus on sex positivity, which they define as “having a progressive and non-judgmental attitude towards sex and sexuality.”

One of their best sellers is the "Mimi soft clitoral vibrator" which has 5 speeds and 7 powerful patterns. It is also rechargeable and waterproof. 

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Brand #4: Chakrubs

3 Reasons Why We Love Chakrubs

  • Chakrubs are sex toys handmade from natural crystals. According to Chakrubs, crystals have perfect molecular structures that have positive effects on our electro-magnetic fields.

  • When our energenity bodies are at ease, we are at ease, we are open to healing, peace, love, and all of life’s pleasures.

  • Chakrubs confidently assures their customers that their labor practices are legal and ethical. They also make regular donations to a number of organizations in an effort to minimize their environmental impact.

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Brand #5: Ohnut

3 Reasons Why We Love Ohnut

  • Ohnut is an intimate wearable that can help manage and potentially reduce pain during penetrative sex by allowing vulva owners to customize the depth of penetration.

  • Ohnut believes that the bedroom can be a place of joy, even if you have struggled in the past. They have partnered with renowned sexual medicine clinicians, holistic practitioners, and other like minded professionals to create this product. 

  • Ohnut is made from an FDA approved body and skin safe polymer blend. It is a thermo-set material that is free of BPA, phthalate, and latex. 

Ohnut is worn externally at the base of a penetrating partner (on the shaft of a penis or dildo). Each set comes with 4 linking rings, so you can discover what feels good for each partner. 

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Brand #6: b-Vibe

3 Reasons Why We Love b-Vibe

  • They are a result of years of research. Each b-Vibe product utilizes innovative design tactics to address specific, often unaddressed, sources of anal pleasure. 

  • Their core mission is to empower exploration through education. They also promote inclusivity and informed play.

  • Their website offers a range of guides for those new to anal pleasure and for those who are more advanced.

The Rimming Plug Petite is the perfect toy for those experienced with anal play or those looking to get started. It has been cited by many publications as the best anal sex toy for all. The toy is made from 100% body-safe silicone, is rechargeable, and has a wireless remote control that works up to 30 feet away.


Brand #7: Lioness

3 Reasons Why We Love Lioness

  • Lioness is an advanced vibrator that connects to a mobile app to help visualize arousal and orgasms. 

  • Their women-led engineering team has worked to craft a vibrator and app that allows those using it to understand how your body responds to climax in order to make climax more enjoyable. 

  • Lioness is made out of 100% medical-grade silicone that is phthalate-free and non-porous. 

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Brand #8: Buck Angel

3 Reasons Why We Love Buck Angel

  • Buck Angel shares an empowering message of self-acceptance and is on a mission to encourage everyone to be comfortable in their own skin. He is a FTM trans person and wants to help others like him to live their lives authentically. 

  • Buck aims to inspire people to redefine gender and foster a new generation as they discover the fluidity of sexuality and navigate gender politics. 

  • He proclaims that it is not what is between your legs that defines you, but how you feel and identify. 

The Buck-Off stroker is the first product designed specifically for trans men to engage in stroking fun. It allows them to “jack-off”. It is made with Perfect Fit’s ultra-soft SilaSkin. Buck Off won Most Innovate Toy for 2017 and is the first sexual wellness product designed for trans men by a trans man!


Brand #9: Biird

3 Reasons Why We Love Biird

  • Their mission is to dispel the taboo messages surrounding sex toys and other products designed to make you feel good. They recently launched a petition highlighting how the current policies around adult content are inconsistent, damaging, and biased against women and other marginalized communities. They hope to challenge social media platforms and their discriminatory policies. 

  • They believe that well-designed pleasure should be available to all, not just people “in the know” or with tons of money to spare. 

  • It doesn’t look like your typical sex toy. It can be used as decoration by sitting on the charger and becoming a lamp. Plus, it is whisper quiet!

Their Obii clitoral massager with suction and vibration modes combines suction sensations with powerful vibrations. It is made out of silky-smooth and squishy body-safe silicone. Major perk! It is whisper quiet.  

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Brand #10: Le Wand

3 Reasons Why We Love Le Wand

  • Le Wand is woman-founded and strives to bring unparalleled quality to an industry that is not always transparent.

  • Their toys are designed with pleasure in mind for all bodies.

  • They believe that everyone has a right to experience pleasure, to feel good about their sexuality, and to love their body.

Their best seller is the Le Wand Rechargeable Vibrating Massager. It is the winner of Cosmopolitan’s Sexcellence Award for “Most Powerful Sex Toy”. With 10 speeds and 20 vibration patterns, the toy is guaranteed to deliver intense and sensual pleasure.

5 Ways to Spice Up Your Halloween During a Pandemic

Halloween is going to look different this year… and it is extremely important for us to keep each other safe. 

Consider These Lower Risk Activities to Keep Your Holiday Fun and Safe:

1 . Carve or decorate pumpkins (and turn it into a contest!).

Get together safely with your quarantine crew to carve and decorate pumpkins. 

2. Decorate your living space to get into the Halloween spirit.

If you don’t feel safe meeting up with friends or neighbors, that is totally valid! Whether you are immunocompromised or just don’t want to leave your house this is a lower-risk activity. Find some fun decorations and just go with your own creative vision. You can even decorate while listening to some fun Halloween themed music!

3. Have a virtual Halloween costume contest over your favorite video platform.
Get together with your friends over Zoom, Google Meet, or whatever platform you enjoy most and have a virtual costume contest. Not only will this give you an opportunity to get dressed up, but you will be able to connect with your friends, wherever they may be. 

4. Watch a Halloween themed movie with your household or with friends over Zoom or Netflix Party. 
Watching a movie can be a wonderful activity to do safely. Pick a movie and take it from there! If you are living alone or would rather watch with others you can screen share over Zoom or if you have Netflix, download the Google Chrome extension “Netflix Party” which allows you to watch movies with your friends. 

5. Decorate cloth masks. 

Buy some cloth face masks and paint them! You can choose to decorate them to go with your costume or just decorate them for the winter.

To find more information about staying safe this Halloween, go to the CDC’s Website