Healthy relationships are built, not automatic. Creating and maintaining a healthy relationship takes intentional effort. Yet, many people lack the knowledge and skills to build this kind of relationship because it is not usually explicitly taught. This lack of knowledge can lead to common pitfalls, miscommunication, and unmet needs, jeopardizing the relationship's health. This article will cover critical practices for creating and maintaining a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
1. Prioritize communication
Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It is nearly impossible to maintain a healthy connection without the ability to express boundaries, preferences, and disagreements. Regular, open dialogue helps to build a foundation of trust and understanding. When all partners feel heard and valued, they can constructively approach issues together. Sharing thoughts and feelings is the best way to develop a deeper connection. With healthy communication, you can tackle almost any problem that comes your way as a team.
How to communicate effectively
Avoid yelling, passive aggression, and the (unexplained) silent treatment. If you need to, take a step back and use emotional regulation techniques until you are ready to have an effective conversation.
Focus on approaching the problem at hand as a team rather than thinking of your partner as an opponent.
Speak from the "I" perspective and how you are feeling instead of attacking your partner.
2. Develop emotional responsiveness
A plethora of scientific research discuss how emotional responsiveness is fundamental to long-term relationship satisfaction. Emotional responsiveness is the ongoing, mutual maintenance of an emotional connection. Partners who are emotionally responsive tend to feel more secure and report a stronger relationship overall. Three key components of emotional responsiveness are accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement. Accessibility means that partners are open with each other even during moments of distress. Responsiveness means that partners are in tune with each others' emotions and respond in a validating way. Finally, engagement is giving special attention to your partner. If you want to evaluate emotional responsiveness in your relationship, check out Dr. Sue Johnson’s questionnaire.
How to cultivate emotional responsiveness
Check in with your partner about the best way to support them during times of distress.
Make consistent small gestures like buying your partner flowers or doing the dishes after they have had a long day to remind them that you are thinking of them.
Reinforce the security of the relationship verbally, with physical affection, or acts of service when possible.
3. Clearly state your boundaries
Boundaries determine what is and is not okay within a relationship and are a vital part of any relationship. Not everyone knows how to set boundaries or even know what boundaries they need in the first place, so the first step is to figure out what you do and do not want and need. Effective communication helps your partner understand your boundaries; if they fail to respect your boundaries, that is a red flag. Truly supportive people who are invested in your well-being will be grateful for the guidance and respect your needs.
How to set boundaries
Be as clear and straightforward as possible, and try not to let discomfort interfere with establishing boundaries
Habitually check in with your partner about their boundaries and avoid making assumptions about their boundaries
Make a plan ahead of time for handling boundary violations
TLDR
Creating a healthy relationship is not a destination but a continuous journey that requires maintenance. The journey is not always easy, but its challenges present the opportunity for growth and a deeper connection. If you want more relationship support along the way, consider reaching out to a relationship therapist.
