Sex Education + Pleasure

Common Myths and Misconceptions About BDSM: Debunked

BDSM has become more mainstream in the past decade but it is often misrepresented and demonized. From Fifty Shades of Grey misrepresenting proper BDSM practices to crime shows like Criminal Minds using BDSM to indicate a villainous character, there is no shortage of misinformation about BDSM. There is nothing immoral about BDSM and it is a healthy sex practice when practiced consensually and responsibly. This article will address common myths and misconceptions about BDSM and provide tips for healthy BDSM practices. 

Common Misconceptions About BDSM

BDSM is a fringe culture

BDSM is stigmatized because many people assume that few people engage in it. In fact, BDSM is more widespread than one might think. The popularity of media like Fifty Shades of Grey demonstrates how many people are interested in fantasy and BDSM even if they do not practice it. Similar to many sexual behaviors, it is difficult to pin down exact prevalence due to varying definitions and sampling biases. According to a 2023 review of sixty BDSM studies, an average of 20-30% of participants reported engaging in BDSM. Several studies found that at least 20% of participants practiced BDSM. The research is clear that BDSM is not a fringe culture.   

BDSM is always inherently sexual

Though BDSM is most often associated with sex, there are many reasons (including non-sexual ones) why people choose to practice it. A few common draws to BDSM beyond sexual arousal are momentary escapism, exhilaration akin to that from rollercoasters, or a wish to broaden their experiential horizons. BDSM encompasses such a wide-ranging group of activities and that there are many reasons it is appealing, and not all of them are sexual.   

BDSM is abusive and emotionally damaging

It makes sense that people unfamiliar with BDSM would think that it is abusive and traumatic. There are few contexts in which hitting someone, for instance, is not abusive. Abuse is when someone gains and maintains power over another, while BDSM hinges on a consensual power exchange. Abuse does not involve mutual consent or rules, whereas BDSM does. However, in a context where limits are respected, communication and consent are explicit, and safety precautions are taken, BDSM is not an inherently abusive practice. Of course, there are instances where harm occurs but that can happen in any kind of sexual or otherwise vulnerable context. Non-sexual activities like skydiving or even driving carry their own risks too; it is up to individuals to decide how much risk they can tolerate, just like with sexual activities. When practiced consensually, BDSM does not imply or perpetuate abuse.     

What should you know before trying BDSM for the first time?

If you want to try out BDSM, it ​​is vital to educate yourself about safety precautions and communication beforehand. There is no such thing as risk free sex with or without BDSM, and BDSM practices sometimes add additional risk. The best way to mitigate risk is to prioritize consent and communication, use appropriate props (e.g., body safe cutting shears to cut rope in an emergency instead of sharp scissors), and sanitize props effectively.  Want to learn more about BDSM? Explore these resources:

Takeaway

The internet and media are rife with misinformation about BDSM, leading people who are unfamiliar with it to a great deal of misunderstanding. Fortunately, there are many resources that provide accurate information such as the ones mentioned above. Even if you do not want to engage in BDSM, it is important to be accurately informed about it so you do not needlessly judge others. If you are curious about trying BDSM and feel uncertain about how to begin safely, consider reaching out to a sex therapist to discuss your interests and any concerns.  

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